To cancel going to friends wedding

Correct.

The "mate" is not family, however when you marry, your spouse is.

She (OP) is in the wedding party for her friend and they (OP + her DH) are both attending the wedding.

Not sure how hard it is to understand really.

OP and her DH are PART OF A WEDDING AND ATTENDING IT already.

SIL didn't consult anyone over the date = not everyone will be there.

@Watdidusay and her loving husband will (not be separated and will) be attending her friends wedding as planned - and I hope they all have a lovely day and wish her friend many congratulations.

@Hoops123 does that work for you?

Well the mates might well care if he cancels on them and chooses someone else instead

what a strange assumption - friends matter - often. More than family

His wife will care and so will the friend who he would be being incredibly rude to if he cancelled at this stage.

🙄 the mate is not his family

And yet his Wife is still his Family.
They already have obligations that day.

If SIL is that arsed either she should have checked with him first or she can move her wedding.

What an odd comparison… my point is no one will care if he’s not at the wife’s mates wedding - but his family definitely will care. It would be a nice thing to do to not be petty about the notice period and be there for his sister - not because he HAS to but actually because he should want to…

he isn’t choosing one over the other - he has already committed to one and being asked to cancel

if both invites arrived before he had committee then yes - he should perhaps chose sister. Although why? Why prioritise family over friends ? But they didn’t

He may be choosing himself and his wife over his sister. She’s completely taken him for granted.

He and OP have significant money sunk into a weekend away. It’s around OP’s friend’s wedding, but that doesn’t mean it’s just an obligation on his part. He may know the friend well and like her. My DH spends lots of time with my best friends and likes them. OP may be relying on him to wrangle the kids when they aren’t with the childcare. Or they may be planning on it being a romantic and luxurious weekend holiday.

Go to the wedding you have already committed to.

SIL should realise this is a risk you take when you give 6 weeks notice for a wedding.

Why shouldn't he choose the friend - it's a wedding, not giving someone a kidney!

Then they should have spoken to him to see if he was free.

He isn't.

ETA

My HUSBAND is my FAMILY.

He shouldn’t be choosing a mate of his wife’s over his sister… he is not needed there, his family might be of the opinion he’s needed with his actual family

Well they obviously weren’t that bothered about him attending if they only told him 6weeks before. I told all the key people that absolutely had to be at my wedding (as in I wouldn’t get married without them there) a year before as soon as I booked the venue. My sibling is always busy at weekends- I know for sure there is no way I would be able to book something with them 6 weeks in advance.

Eh?
SIL didn't ask if he was free, he's already committed to another wedding.

SIL is planning her wedding over 6wks - it's not going to be at Westminster Abbey with all the bells and whistles.

If she wanted her brother there, maybe she should have - you know - TALKED TO HIM - but she didn't so he won't.

What a shame for them - maybe some consultation regarding the date would have helped them.

Stick to your original plans.

Don't let the ILs twist your words or make you feel guilty.

You have both already committed to attending a wedding on that date.
At no point did SIL or MIL consult with either of you over SILs chosen date, and they already have kids so it's not a "shotgun" type wedding.
If your SIL is stressed, that's her problem really - she shouldn't be giving either of you a Hospital Pass American Football terminology.

Carry on with your plans to attend your friends wedding. I hope she has a wonderful day. 👰🏻💐

It’s ok to miss something when you are only given last minute notice - the only exception would be if this is a death bed wedding that has to be arranged without consideration of anyone else

If it was that important that he attended you’d think SIL would have checked with her brother he was free. Who expects someone to be available in 6 weeks and insist they drop everything if they’re not? Batty,

His parents are right to be upset with him, it’s absolutely not ok for him to miss his sisters wedding - the other wedding is your friend, and a close one as youre in the bridal party. You go to that and he goes with his family, neither of you will be missed at the other wedding

Mother-in-law is being pathetic. If her daughter wanted you and her brother badly at that wedding they would’ve checked the date with you.

You have a very good reason for not going you are at another wedding. Would you have spent money on and playing a part of the wedding?

If you really want to then your husband a brother could go to assistive wedding and you go to your friends but honestly, I would go to your friends because you’ve accepted their invitation

Well at least they now know that you are both not attending. They don’t have to like it but they do have to accept it. I don’t think you or DH should reply to the message. They aren’t going to convince you that what they think is right (that you should blow out a costly prior engagement at relatively late notice) and you aren’t going h to convince them that you should honour your commitment to your friend.
this all comes down to SIL and BIL poor planning and lack of thought for others. MIL is now trying manipulate it to be ‘choosing others’

This is a good point actually, the issue may yet get resolved!

(well it's already resolved because you are attending the friend's wedding but you may not have to miss the other one if they move the date).

We are going to another wedding.
My sister didn't ask if we were free on that date or any other date.
If she wants her family to attend her wedding, she needs to check in advance and give more than 6 weeks notice.

Rinse and repeat. It's not your problem

He hasn't chosen anyone though, you have a prior engagement that you have already paid out a lot of money for.

Anyone who arranges a wedding in just 6 weeks, can't expect everyone to be able to attend, including family.

SIL could change her date if she wants her DB there.

You'll have to fall out with them then. Just argue your corner. If they are being so unreasonable then the gloves are off.

Oh that line from your ILs really resonates.

My SIL is absolutely useless and we're NC now because she is also a terrible person. But we are told endlessly by MIL and other family that 'that is how she is" and "you know she really struggles with life".

I don't care. Our job is not to make her life more comfortable or easier.

Don't pander to this OP, you've made the right call.