To cancel going to friends wedding

A friend came to my wedding when it clashed with her cousin's wedding. I think she had the invitation for mine first - and thought it would be more fun!

I think if you've already made plans to go to another wedding, that trumps it.

Who on earth does that anyway (send an invite so short notice)? But we had it happen to us - we were invited to someone's wedding 3 weeks out (friends, not family) and we'd already booked a trip away. We were disappointed not to go but couldn't cancel the trip - this was when we were much younger and couldn't suck up the lost money.

It happened with another friend as well but that was only an evening invite.

If they really want you to go they would check your availability first. DH needs to grow a pair and say that to them. They can't have their cake and eat it.

Not your sister. Go to friend's wedding. SIL is not your friend. DH can go to hers . Friend will never forgive you for not going. ILs will find something else to be mad at you about anyway if you go to SILs wedding.

I'm starting to wonder about how genuine this post is.. on what planet would the bridesmaid's husband not attending be the same as a bridesmaid pulling out? If anything I would appreciate you still making the effort and splitting up to attend both events.

Obviously you are free to do whatever you want to do, but letting your friend down because you'd rather go to your SIL wedding is a dick move, it sounds like that is your plan, so if that is the sort of friend you are you may as well pull out.

@Watdidusay does the family know that you are a bridesmaid at your friend's wedding? Are they unable to compute that it is a massive commitment that you need to honour?

Do you realise that if you let them bully you into complying now they will continue to bully you?

Put your big girl pants on and decline the invitation, and sod the fallout.

@Swirlyreds You were spot on 🎯

The OP was just looking for justification for her poor, weak decision. Unfortunately she's failed in her quest.

Very wise post here @Watdidusay

Agree, the family will cope/recover

@Watdidusay all you have to say is I don’t break promises I’ve already made (and paid lots for) nor do I let people down who are counting on me. Sil needed to respect our Time more and ASK about availability or with such a last minute invitation to understand that not everyone will be able to make it.

repeat broken record stylee

Go to your friend's wedding. She will definitely be less hurt by your DH pulling out, if he feels he has to, than both of you.

Please ignore this "advice"

Tell them that their anger is misplaced and it’s not your fault that you aren’t free

can H go without you? Would he want to?

I’d be saying that I had a prior commitment going back months which I couldn’t ditch for something giving me six weeks’ notice. Apologies etc but I wouldn’t let my friend down.

Weighing up if it's much if a muchness to both not go ? Let me be clear. You are being BULLIED. Please do not betray your friend. Stand up for yourself. It is clear who is in the wrong here as everyone has told you so, but it's also clear you're going to give in to the demands of your husband's family. What a shame for your friend letting her down at the last minute and causing her so much upset.

one word.
Danegeld.

Agree!

Or what about when she's posting about feeling isolated from her in-laws and sadly doesn't have any friends to turn to because she jettisoned them in the hope it would improve relations with the in-laws...

If I were your friend I would be ok with your dh cancelling to go to his own sisters wedding , I’d be mighty pissed off if you as a bridesmaid cancelled and pulled out of my wedding

You made the commitment to your friend, you have plans on that day already, your in laws need to accept it.

everytime they mention it you reply, I have a previous commitment!

im sure your sil would be pissed off if one of her bridesmaids cancelled on her to go to another wedding.

Given that the relationships with the ILs are already toxic I dont think whether OP goes to the wedding or not will make much difference. With people like this, it never does.

But she will need her friends when it all goes to shit with her husband, which it will if continues to put her second to his mother's and sister's demands.

This might not be the popular opinion but I’ll say it plainly: @OP, attend your sil’s wedding. Even with the short notice, you go because marriage is significant, & because nurturing in law relationships strengthens your own family’s future. A wise friend will understand and won’t hold it against you. In law dynamics can be delicate, yet they’re crucial to the long term harmony of a marriage. Missing your friend’s wedding may cause hurt, missing your sil’s will ripple through the entire family and won’t be forgotten.

Of course, some posters will tell you to snub the invitation, stand your ground, & enjoy the weekend with your friend. That's easy advice to give when they don't care about the consequences. But when those decisions start creating tension in the family, & a few years down the line you're posting about why your mil excluded you from a christening or why relations have become strained, those same people will be telling you to go no contact, set boundaries, or get a divorce. It's always easier to burn bridges when it's someone else's family and someone else's marriage.

Friend comes first. If SIL wanted you there she should have sent save the dates well in advance.

Yes I'm sure your friend will be disappointed your DH can't attend if he goes to SILs wedding, but I doubt that would compare to how she'd feel if you (someone in her wedding party!) dropped out. It's not much of a muchness at all.

Apologies if I'm wrong on this, but are you one of those people who can't attend social events without their other half?

I've been to many weddings without my OH and he's been to many without me, because most of our friends got married after we'd already had kids and if they weren't invited, we couldn't both go.

Have I got this right? You are a bridesmaid for your friend? In which vase you absolutely go to her wedding! Your inlaws are bonkers for expecting you to canx. As everyone has said the compromise is your DH goes to his sister’s wedding alone. Let them sulk
about it but I would be very clear that you aren’t letting your friend down! If you were ‘just’ a guest then maybe your friend would understand your dilemma but as alshe asked you to be her bridesmaid she obviously thinks a lot of you so you cannot let her down!

I’m sure she’ll be upset, but not as upset as if neither of you go.

Personally, I think you should both be going to friends wedding. But if your husband feels obligated to go to his sisters so be it.

Please don’t let your friend down.

If you are forced to pull out of being your friend’s bridesmaid, what next? What is the new limit on what you have to accommodate for them?

I can’t believe you’re still dillydallying over this! It really is a no brainer which wedding you should go to.
Put your big girl pants on and tell your in-laws that it’s way too late to back out of your friend's wedding now.
Jeez.

Surely if your attendance so important they should've checked your availability?

You can't bail on friends wedding - v bad form!!