To cancel going to friends wedding

Your friend may well be irritated by the short notice of him cancelling but she’ll understand. Especially if she knows what your in laws are like.

What would you actually WANT to do?

Forget about money for a minute.

Agree with the consensus here - you should go to your Friends wedding, and up to your husband but I can understand if he did let down your friends to go to his sister's wedding. You should be very clear with your friend that you think the sister is being entirely unreasonable but ultimately it's his sister - she'll be upset but that is understandable and will appreciate that you are annoyed too and share in the frustration. There's a huge difference in you also pulling out - assuming you must be one of her closest friends (even if you've paid for your dress she's still not having her chosen bridesmaids for her big day!). Choosing to prioritise incredibly unreasonable non blood family is basically a sign that you don't prioritise her or that you take her friendship for granted, and either would be friendship killers.

And to the in laws you just repeat that you're a bridesmaid at a wedding booked will in advance and you would have loved to come but can't pull out now. You're husband needs to defend that to the hilt too. If they honestly can't get over that then they're not people id personally be too worried about...

This is all entirely the sisters fault.

Is this some sort of cultural thing where your in laws get to boss you about ? I can’t imagine my mil daring to say things like that to me.

Stop talking to them about it. Just say we’re already away that weekend. We would have loved to have but we have flights etc booked and I’m a bridesmaid.
Then stop entering into convos about it.

I would also have your husband come with you. His sister would have asked earlier if she wanted you to both be there let’s be honest.

In your shoes, I’d attend my friend’s wedding with no guilt. Send your H to his sister’s wedding. Yes, maybe your friend will be disappointed your H isn’t coming, Im sure she will understand. At least that way you won’t lose all your ££££. Yes, H’s family may be upset with you but frankly they have little genuine cause to feel this way, and I’d leave them to deal with their egos.

This is one of those times when there is going to be some fallout whatever you decide to do. So I’d choose what works best for you and not the rest of them!

i realise its a difficult situation but i think it would be really awful to not go to your friends wedding esp as you're in the bridal party. by all means let your DH go to his sisters (hopefully your friend will understand about this) but i don't think you should let your friend down.

WTF 🤣 bonkers reply

I think your friend will be much more upset if you both pull out than if only your DH does!

Really your DH should go with you to your friend’s wedding too but if he really wants to go to his sister’s wedding at least you’ll still be there for your friend.

Pay no mind to your in laws, they are batshit!

I wouldn’t cancel friend’s wedding. If SIL was bothered about your availability she should have checked if people were available if booing a wedding at such short notice.

Spend the day APART- or are you joined at the hip ( or don't you tryst him not to flirt with the Bridesmaids)

I think you should both go to friends wedding.

Not just the cost but also you’ve made a commitment.

SIL has been incredibly rude only giving 6 weeks notice and now the pressure they are putting on you is obnoxious.

But if needs must the DH goes to SIL

You can’t pull out of friends.

You’re going to be a bridesmaid for your friend. No way would I back out of this. Your in-laws can do one cheeky fuckers!

You both go to your friend’s wedding as already planned.

surely it should only make you more determined to hold firm.

It really should, I don't why you're even contemplating pulling out of your friend's wedding @Watdidusay , your in-laws behaviour should make you all the more determined to be there for your friend.

In-laws don't get to make anything clear to another adult with agency over their own life.

That's an outrageously rude thing to say to you; the only possible response is "but I can, and I will". And that's your definite answer.

What are they going to do about it? I really wouldn't want them in my life after that. Don't be a doormat.

That's a toxic mindset all round and there's no better time to stand up to it than now.

Of course you shouldn't miss your friend's wedding. Let them be angry. It's ridiculous behaviour - surely it should only make you more determined to hold firm.

You are committed to your friends wedding and it would be unfair to her to pull out. Plus you have already paid a lot of the expenses. You go to her wedding. Ideally your husband goes too because he has said he will and it would be rude to pull out now, it will look as if he got a better offer.
PILs need to be told that sadly neither of you can attend SIL wedding as already committed. If they don’t like it then so be it.

Aw family comes first, OP! And you can’t have your husband getting upset.

Nice try justifying cancelling to yourself. If he doesn't go it's unfortunate but if you don't you're a shit friend.

@Watdidusay I think you have to go to your friend's wedding. She's a close friend, you're a bridesmaid, you've paid for it all and it's too close to the date to leave her in the lurch now - are you seriously considering cancelling on her? I really don't think you can at this stage, it would be an awful thing to do.

Tell your in-laws that you have to go to your friend's wedding, explain this is someone close to you. They can't dictate your lives like this, do you normally jump to attention and follow their demands, no matter how unreasonable? Of course family is important but so are friendships. Your in-laws, by demanding you attend no matter what, are not treating you with respect. If your attendance is so important to them, why didn't they check dates with you before booking?

Don't let your friend down.

@Watdidusay If you have mutual friends at the friend's wedding and you pull put, be prepared to lose more than one friend.

Where is your backbone? Where is your moral fibre?

That’s their look out. Your SIL should have better manners. Outrageous behaviour. Don’t let your friend down.

You cannot possibly cancel on your friend - that would be appallingly, unforgiveably rude. So what if the in-laws are angry at you - let them be angry, but don't let them make you be a horrible person to your friend.