To cancel going to friends wedding

I’m sorry, but if you can’t stand up to your weirdo in-laws and tell them that you will be attending your friends wedding, then you’re a wet blanket.

You are a grown ass woman! Stand the fuck up for yourself!

Much of a muchness?

your DH is a guest

YOU ARE A BRIDESMAID

the fact you are even considering cancelling and blaming it on “much of a muchness” tells me that deep down you want to cancel your friend and really want to Attend SILs

if that’s the case stop blaming your in laws

Not a chance would I miss a wedding where I was bridesmaid for a family wedding that was sprung upon me. Your in laws are being utterly unreasonable.

I do think I would go by myself, though, and her DH to go to the family one with the kids. You say your friend will be equally upset of one or both of you miss it. But if she’s a reasonable person then she’ll understand that it was a compromise that you had to give.

I would go to friend's wedding.
6 weeks notice is a joke.

You have committed to something so you honor that commitment

the family didn’t check first with you about the date so they don’t really care about your presence anyway

they will forget about it when the divorce

OP isn't going to attend her friend's wedding either, even though she is a bridesmaid. Her DH is pressuring her and she has caved.

It's OP dropping out at such short notice that her friend probably won't forgive.

You can't keep everyone happy. So do the right thing, and go to your friend's wedding. Let your DH make his own decision about whether to come or not. If your friend is upset about you coming alone then that's a friendship perhaps not worth keeping. By the sounds of it his family are a nightmare on legs so who cares what they think, they're never going to be happy with anything you do.

This is indeed quite the dilemma, but what swings it for me is that SIL has form for this kind of behaviour and PILs insist on compliance with her whims. So for me this would be the point at which the boundary line would go down. You are so disappointed at the diary clash, but you have a prior engagement that you simply cannot get out of. This does of course require DH's full agreement because it only works if you both go to the other wedding. In a normal family DH could go to his sister's wedding and you could go to your friend's wedding and everyone would understand, but this all sounds a bit more toxic than that.

You are in the wedding party. You cannot cancel that.

I'm with everyone else in that you should go to your friends wedding.
You dh is asking if you'll consider going to dsil wedding because if he goes without you.. he'll get it in the neck.
Consider this op...they sound a pretty awful family anyway so if they weren't having a go at you about the wedding situation it would be something else.
I say Fuck 'em and have a lovely day being a bridesmaid.

No one gives out wedding invites just 6 weeks in advance.

Sounds like you weren't part of the original guestlist, and was just invited as an afterthought to make up numbers.

Go to your friends wedding.

It is surely SILs fault for leaving it so late. I'd stick to your original promise.

I joined this thread on page 24, having only read the OP's posts at that stage. I've now read through the whole thread and what this is @Watdidusay, is 27 pages of posters, bar the odd few, telling you that the right thing to do is to attend your friend's wedding. I hope this sinks in and you realise how inappropriate your in-laws demands are, and how awful it would be for your friend if you cancelled at this stage.

By choosing your friend you'll not only be showing your loyalty to her but you'll also show your in-laws that you have some self respect and are holding true to your values. Your in-laws are never going to treat you respectfully if you don't respect yourself enough to stand up for what's important to you. Honouring commitments, being a loyal friend and having the good manners not to cancel at this late stage should be important to you. Be calm but firm when you tell the in-laws that you're attending friend's wedding and there isn't any point in discussing it further with you.

DH family are being unreasonable. Politely say you’re sorry and it’s a shame for the clash, but you can’t decline the other one, it would be rude and let them seethe if they need to. They’ll get over it. If they don’t that’s on them not you

You are a bridesmaid, you can’t cancel 6 weeks before.
how would you feel if you friend that to you?

Have you decided what you’re going to do OP?
You can’t cancel on your friend. If it makes your in-laws angry, so what? Let them be angry.

Yes, exactly.

We had a similar situation a few years back BIL had a short notice wedding on a date we were on holiday abroad. My thought process was if it was that important that we are there they would have checked with us prior to booking their wedding.

You go to your friends and your husband goes to his sisters?

If you were my friend, close enough to be my bridesmaid, and then you pulled out for this reason, that would be the end of our friendship.

I think it would be pretty bad to cancel on your friend who is counting on you and to whom you've made a commitment. If your SIL didn't even bother to run dates past close family when she is planning a wedding that SOON--that's on her. I agree with other posters, your husband can go to his sister's wedding. If people are mad at you, that's their problem.

Friends wedding. It’s unfortunate for sis in law but if she really wanted you there she should have checked the date was ok. Let dh do what he wants but you go and support your friend

Are your DH side of the family all narcissists by any chance?

Ask them are they planning on reimbursing you for all the money spent on your friends wedding if you pulled out?

You do what feels right, in this case I 100% think chose your friends wedding and your PIL can sulk about it.

I wouldn’t cancel my friends wedding, especially if I was part of the wedding party.

it seems very odd to only send out invites to a wedding in 6 weeks, and demand you go even if you have other (rather important) plans.

You wouldn’t forgive a friend for attending your wedding without her husband despite huge family pressure for her to also not attend?

I’d say you weren’t much of a friend in that case tbh.

If he cancels the friend should only have an issue with him. Not the OP.