To cancel going to friends wedding

Any updates @Watdidusay

"How could you choose someone else over your own family"

Wow. Just wow.

They sprung this on everyone 6 weeks before and are throwing a tantrum that people have the audacity to have already had plans? Wow.

No, my long ex- and now deceased MIL was a great one for this crappy behaviour. It's an absolute no.

Depends on the wedding. I've been to more than one wedding which hasn't cost me anything, other than me choosing to give a present.

No, not if it wasn't local.
I would go to a local one though. I would wear something I already own, and would probably drive. The only expense would be a gift and the cost of a couple of non alcoholic drinks.

Unexpected costs of attending a wedding, they aren't cheap are they?

I would if I could and had no other commitments. Why wouldn't you?

I wouldn't go to anybody's wedding with only 6 weeks notice, and that includes family.

I was invited to a wedding with about a month's notice before (in laws) and I declined. What followed was being asked "but could you do this? Could you do that?". I had pets in the home I couldn't get minded and a child that was not invited, that I couldn't get minded. I just stood my ground and said no.

MIL sobbing would only make me more determined not to give in to such egregious emotional manipulation.

@Watdidusay any contact from SIL yet?

I suspect that there will be lots of people who can’t go with it being so short notice

Your PIL are really not doing your SIL any favours at all by enabling her entitled behaviour. If she’s arranging a wedding at such short notice, other guests will be unable to come too. Will she guilt-trip them all?!

Yes, SIL hasn’t replied. A reasonable person would respond saying ‘I understand you have a prior commitment and my invitation was last minute.’

OP has said SIL has form for this type of behaviour.

It’s possible that SIL has sent her parents as flying monkeys to OP and her DH.

You're doing the right thing. If someone's attendance is essential then you check with them for dates.
If you go ahead and book without checking, you have to lump it if they have other plans.

You are not choosing someone else over her.
She is choosing a last minute discount over having everyone she wants be able to come. She chose to do that. Not you!

I wondered about this.

Maybe they booked it for 6 weeks time because they don't care that much. They might see it as they've been living together for ages and this is mainly admin - lovely if people can make it and have a bit of a party, but not an earth shattering moment. So far it's only PiL that's kicked up a fuss. Perhaps not what she'd hoped for from her DC.

Split.

You go to your friends, hubby goes to SiL.

Surprisingly, your BIL and SIL are not (yet) causing problems with you after the invitation decline from you. It seems they are taking time to reflect and face the consequences of their lack of forward planning, without complaint, which is the correct thing for them to be doing.

Hopefully, they will, in time, show a mature understanding of your position.
Or maybe they will show their immaturity and lack of manners by punishing you for declining with the cold shoulder for a while. You can only hope that’s not the case.

Either way, it’s not for your MIL to try to emotionally manipulate your DH in the way she has done. The invitation did not come from her. She is the one causing family drama by begging him to be flakey and your DH must stand strong and resist. He has good reason to decline the invitation. It’s for him to decide what is the right thing to do under the unfortunate circumstances not for others to beg and dictate.

Your DH has done the correct thing.
By not cancelling his original, long standing plans with good friends, he has shown himself to be entirely dependable, a quality in him, which your MIL should not be berating.

It doesn’t sound like you or your husband are actually that close to SIL. So I think your decision makes sense.

1. If your DH was actually close to his sister, and you close to your SIL she would have heard about your friends wedding- maybe not remembered the exact date but it wouldn’t have been a surprise to her -
2. It sounds like all the information you are getting about the dream venue being cancelled last minute is coming through a grapevine- and neither you or DH have talked to her.

I'm honestly not reading what everyone else is?

The SIL is not 'having a tantrum' at all, she's booked a last minute cancellation at a venue she wanted to get married in, OPs DH has said they can't make it and it's his parents that are furious about that.

Unless I've missed some crucial info, SIL has said and done nothing, OP messaged her to say they couldn't come and she hasn't replied, but it's her PIL that are furious at them and are ringing up crying, laying on the guilt trips and demanding they cancel their plans and go to her wedding.

I do find it odd that it was down to OP to text her SIL to decline, why would her DH not ring his own sister up and explain the situation?

Given what the OP has written about her SIL maybe her husband doesn't actually want to attend his sister's wedding.

the circumstances being that the sister selfishly booked her wedding without checking everyone else was free to attend and is now having a tantrum?

This is ridiculous. Who books a wedding with 6 weeks notice? What if the op and her husband had a holiday, or an operation, or kids who had important exams? Should they be expected to cancel or rearrange? This is all on SIL for not checking!

Yes but most people would be understanding given the circumstances. I really would not care if this was my wedding. My siblings come before my partners friends

he has committed to the first wedding where his wife is bridesmaid. Why would he not want to be with his wife? It is immensely rude to pull out of a wedding you have RSvP’ed yes for. It isn’t just a casual meet up.

You have no idea what his relationship with the OP's friend is. He's probably become her friend too. When I got married my friends' partners weren't invited just out of politeness, they were mostly invited because I like them as well and I'd have certainly missed them.

Friends can very often come before family, especially a family like the one the thread is about, prone to emotional manipulation and childish tantrums.