AIBU to feel hurt that my husband will not read my book?

I think it's totally reasonable to be upset.

I've written a first draft of a book - was single when I started it and it got me through a horrendous period in my life as finishing it gave me something to live for. Then I got together with a journalist and I thought writing would be something we had in common but he was so threatened by it - he discouraged me so much.

Finally we broke up and I met my husband and he is so unwaveringly encouraging and it feels so different, and I finally finished it.

I haven't done much writing in recent years as we have small kids but hope to one day.

To be honest I'm a bit disappointed about your friend too.

I’m a writer, married to a very creative man. Sometimes I make him read my drafts while I watch him intensely, he tells me to stop being weird and leave him alone 🤣. Sometimes he doesn’t get it, sometimes he gives incredible feedback, sometimes he tells me just to have another go.
But actually the best thing I’ve found is to get support, not limited to feedback. I’ll have a glass of wine and tell him the story. Talk about my ideas together. Those nights have been some of the best of my life, but my DH is very artistic so I really value his opinion.
I think as others have said, it may just be a bit overwhelming for your husband, and that’s ok. But he does need to support you in other ways: organising things so you have quality time to write, enthusiasm, a bottle of fizz ready in the fridge for those little moments of success.
You’ve already achieved something incredible and you’re at the start of a long journey, so play a long game. Find a whole tribe of supporters beyond your family, get proper support. A writers group, an online course (Curtis Brown are quite good), take your own work seriously. Maybe try the Arvon foundation, go away for a blissful week of support?
good luck with the next draft 🔥🔥🔥

Does he read the genre you've written? My DH reads, but never fiction. He would have nothing useful to say if I wrote a novel.

Do you think he's a bit jealous of your achievement? Just seems a bit pointed (in a weaselly way) to completely ignore your book.

Even if he's not a reader you think he'd read a chapter or two to get a flavour of the book and because it's bloody important to you. If my partner was a writer I'd at least make an attempt to engage with their work.

And yes, stop giving him assistance with your essays. He clearly values your skills when it's helping him.

On one hand, I understand your disappointment. On the other hand, I also understand why your husband wouldn't want to read your book.

I understand that you'd like for him to show some care and enthusiasm for a project you've started, and share his feedback with you so you know if what you've written is any good - especially since you always help him and root for him.

But, you also say you've written a rather long book within your own field. It might not be a field your husband is particularly interested in. I know from myself that I just CAN'T read books within topics that don't interest me. I can't. Maybe he's like that, too?

You also mention that he's working on his own project at the moment which may leave him with less capacity to get involved with yours.

I’ll read it, and be honest!

After encouraging you to write it it doesn’t make sense he’s not interested in reading it. It’s not like he’s never supported the idea. I’d be as hurt as you are.

I’ve read and edited a few things for family and it’s been a huge honour (though I know things about my dad I really wish I didn’t tbh).

I love the way you describe your sister and her love for you. My sister is the same and there’s nothing like it having such a huge level of support. I am equally so incredibly proud of her in everything she does.

Also think about a manuscript evaluation, perhaps. They can be pricey, but I have edited for clients who chose that route after finishing first drafts, before they came to me, and they said it helped them. I write myself and have used such services, too.

A friend asked me to read and give an online review of her book. I said I’d read it on the proviso that I didn’t have to leave a review if I didn’t want to. It was hands down the crappest thing I’ve ever read. Angry-making crap. I never told her what I thought, she never asked me.

Meh, OP, ignoring is normal in writers’ worlds. One of my BFFs wrote a bestseller and asked me to read it first for me thoughts, and that. Non fiction.

I didn’t. She was howling outraged and I said, equally howling outraged, well I know it’s going to be brilliant so I’ll get round to it when it’s in proof.

Book still in print 15 years on. Ha!

Your mum has done a fine job. That’s prob all you need at the moment.

Only ask readers who are the sort of types who would read that kind of thing anyway.

Send the first chapter not 10000000 zillion words, that puts people off. It’s a big job otherwise and even those of us in the trade would quail a touch.

It’s the completely standard upper end for fantasy…

I totally understand. That book is your hearts labour and you’re passionate about it and want to be proud of it. Even if only one person buys it, you put the work in and you want him to at least give it a shot.

I'm an author of four books. My DH hasn't read any of them and I'm fine with that. He cheerleads me in other ways.
What you need is a circle of readers who will critique your writing honestly. Friends will probably tell you what you want to hear which is nice but unhelpful. Try joining some writing groups for unbiased feedback. Please don't give up.

Snap! I couldn't bring myself to read a friend's book, and just hoped he never mention it. I was really worried that I wouldn't like it and couldn't be honest, or that it might make me think differently about him. Thankfully, it's never been spoken of.

One of my best friends is a writer. She says the only guaranteed way to get family and friends to read your book is to drop heavy hints that they’re in it.

I agree both that he should be willing to read it and that it's best to find readers who are fellow writers and not people who are personally invested in you. I'm a published author and I would not want my husband as a beta reader. Giving honest but gentle feedback is a skill (as is accepting criticism) and it's a lot to impose on loved ones.

I wonder if the length might also be a bit daunting? 120,000 words is well over the word count of most commercially published books.

Is he a reader in general? If he is, I think it's a more reasonable request from you.

And good luck. Finishing is a huge accomplishment in and of itself.

I'm writing a book, slightly different as it's non-fiction and not something DH knows about, but he's had a go at reading it with some supplementary information to provide context.

Basically I think yanbu, and your DH could at least have read the first couple of pages. I appreciate that my DH made an effort.

Build up a community of fellow emerging writers who can genuinely support you instead. Take courses, listen to writers podcasts, go to events, look for associations in your genre (eg the RNA if you write romance). If you can afford it, get a full MS review from a professional editor (look on reedsy for recs).

This, OP. It's nice if they read, but we can't expect it. And sending him the entire first draft can be overwhelming, especially if he's not used to reading, and he might worry about how to present the feedback.

I hope you find community. And congratulations on the finished first draft. It's a great accomplishment. I also recommend finding an editor, if you have the funds, as you continue working on your book. Good luck with it.

It is difficult being asked to read a book written by someone close to you. It's fine if you enjoy it; it's fine if you can give constructive criticism; but if it just isn't your kind of book, it's a real chore to drag through it.

That doesn't mean it's not a viable book - I'm sure we can all think of wildly successful bestsellers or prize winning books or longstanding classics we have tried to read but couldn't get into. But it puts the beta-reader in an awkward position because if there are no obvious flaws, you can't say whether it's a 'good' book or not, just that you didn't personally enjoy it which is likely to cause hurt feelings.

Does he generally read books? It might feel like a monumental task if not.

How lovely that your mum and sister are so supportive!

My DP has nearly finished the first draft of his book. I’m all set to read it but he wants to be a few drafts in first. The two other people he has told about it have already said they probably won’t read it as it sounds like it’s too long for them. They’re not book readers.

But also, deleting it off his email is passive aggressive and gives him the upper hand in claiming that you’ve removed it so he didn’t want to mention it. So I think you need to say to him that he’s really hurt your feelings and therefore you’ve deleted it from his email because he was so incredibly unsupportive when you have been helping him with a qualification.

Maybe he's secretly already read it on your computer and thinks it's shite.

You’re not being unreasonable at all! I take other people’s points about the length of books. But he hasn’t even opened it! I don’t think you’re expecting him to have read the whole thing twice. But yes, I would expect him to drop everything and read the first few pages. This is very hurtful.