AIBU to feel hurt that my husband will not read my book?

DH is not a reader, however if I asked him to read a couple of chapters he absolutely would.

I think you should own up to deleting the chapters, and tell him that while his opinion is no longer required, you are actually very hurt that he couldn’t even be bothered to read them. I would also tell him that you have started your 2nd book already and he is featured, then refuse to let him proof it if he asks.

Also stop helping him with his essays.
You’d love to but you are busy watching repeats of Friends episodes or something equally pointless.

Luckily I’m not petty in any way.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable and I am annoyed with him on your behalf!

Sorry op i’m team DH.

3 weeks isn’t that long

It’s not a task to read for pleasure, you’ve given him a task to read and critique your book, basically ‘homework’.

If he wants to doomscroll for a mental break instead of looking through your book where he has to pay attention, that is fine.

If my best friend or sibling or Dah asked me to read their book and provide feedback, I would love to, but no way would I have had time or energy to in the past 3 weeks.

And stop helping him with his essays anyway.

As a writer myself, I think he is being an arse. Join a writing group. Get feedback from other writers. And tell him as he has no interest in your work, you won't be bothering him again. Twat. Go where the love and help is, your mother and other people who do what you do. My husband reads everything I write, and although he is ND and doesn't get subtext or figurative language, he is always supportive. He does his best to encourage me. Your husband is being an inconsiderate, self-invoved jerk. You have every right to be upset.

As a writer - don't get the people close to you to read your stuff, that way lies doom!

Also, get really, really used to being ignored and getting bad feedback 🤣

Good thing she only gave him the first chapter to read then...

Quite a few authors on Mumsnet!
A good friend once asked me to read her book and I did, but it did feel weirdly awkward. I don't know why. It was quite good - she was a journalist already - and it was a page-turner and well written, so I could be honest with her about that. But it was weird, because I knew her so well.
So maybe it's that, or maybe he's just a lazy arse.

I think people misunderstood that OP only gave him the first two chapters

He really could have read the first chapter

I don't think I've ever known a guy that really helps women like that. they expect the help though. they want someone to read their essays, help them right their cv, study for the exam, or look for jobs for them

Even if he read it and said he hated it...

But is this really true @frustratedwriter? That might actually be a much harder position to be in than you think.

I remember my first negative Amazon review. It was a brutal experience. If it had been coming from someone I cared about, I'm not sure how we would have got past it.

I can’t believe how many posters are published authors on this forum - incredible! 🏆

I write fiction as a hobby. I wouldn’t dream of asking anyone, including my partner, to read 120,000 words of my work. It’s a huge burden on someone to expect them to spend hours and hours reading something they haven’t chosen. Friends and family aren’t there to act as my unpaid editors and there’s no reason they’d necessarily enjoy something just because I wrote it.

Congratulations on writing your book! What a wonderful achievement. A real triumph.

I certainly understand why you feel as you do, with regard to your husband; I think I would too, in context – not so much based on his not having read it per se, but more in terms of how unequal things sound given the extent to which you’ve been willing to help him with his own projects.

On the other hand, it does sound as if your husband was also encouraging you to do it and so perhaps he isn’t completely uninterested and unsupportive, if this wasn’t a throwaway comment and he never thought you’d actually do it. Did he proactively engage in conversations about it while you were in the process of writing it?

Is he generally a reader? (Many have lost the habit of finding it easy to focus in that way.) Even if he is a reader, some people find that the more important they know a task is, the harder it is to actually start it. Does that ever apply to him?

I also share other others’ views that the better you know a person, the harder and more awkward it can feel to read their work. I think that could well apply to your best friend (could it also to your husband, but he hasn’t known how to say it so has procrastinated and made the excuse of being busy?); please don’t take your best friend’s lack of response to heart.

It’s wonderful your mum and sister are so supportive and constructive, though.

On a more negative bent, there are some people (often men) who can feel threatened by and jealous of their partner’s achievements, or belittled by them. Some even act the part of the encouraging cheerleader, not thinking the person in question will ever follow through. If you thought this were the case, it’s a bigger problem and please don’t let him hold you back or lose confidence.

I hope, anyway, that you are feeling suitably proud of yourself! And indeed that you’d continue to feel this regardless of reception. Opinions are subjective and can be fickle, so try, if you can, not let a quest for external validation to detract from how you feel about your book, which is already and always will be an achievement in its own right.

I think he is anxious about reading it op.

Impossible to say why exactly, but these things are hard to be objective about if you are too close to them. In all honesty, that's why you are wanting others to read it. I realise his position is different from reading your own work, but there is still an oddness. Perhaps a bit like the way surgeons can't operate on their family.

Oh I’m glad it not just me, we have some friends who sing in a band and they are good, but I simply can’t stand watching them I find it somehow cringy, and can’t articulate why!

I hope the running down the road with tits flapping scenario makes it into the book ...

Just tell him is a racy porn novel see how quickly he checks his emails 😂

Is he interested in you as a person, OP?

A few things stand out to me

You only sent him the first 2 chapters (not a huge commitment for him to read in all honesty)
He has asked you no questions about it
He doesn't even know what the genre is
You have spoken to him about how his lack of interest has hurt you, and yet nothing has changed - he's still more interested in doom-scrolling on his phone

I think it takes so much courage and effort to write a book, published or not. The vast majority of people never do this, including many, many who like the idea of writing a book. I also therefore wonder: is he jealous?

I wouldn't do this for my husband and no way do i expect this from him ever, and in any partner not just him personally

I can’t help but think that if him being unsupportive is part of a pattern, then you would be more resigned to the fact that he hasn’t read those chapters. If, however, it is out of character for him to be unsupportive, perhaps it’s fair to cut him a bit of slack and assume there’s an underlying valid reason. Not the fact that he’s ‘busy’ but maybe that he feels apprehensive at the prospect of staring into your soul, so to speak. Of course that’s a bit dramatic, but writing is so deeply personal, especially fiction. I can honestly say I would struggle to read fiction written by someone I’m close to, especially in its raw, unfinished and unpublished state.

I don't like watching people I know performing either, except my children where I'm so proud it doesn't matter. You can't be honest with family though, which is why your husband is probably ignoring the matter for now.

Hah. My husband is a barrister and, funnily enough, I can't bear to watch him in court. The times I have seen him in his professional persona, it's like he's a different person than the one I know. And plus, in court I'd be so anxious he was going to mess up, which he seemingly never does, but still...

My partner is an academic and I hate hate hate when I am asked to read their work. It's not that it's bad (it isn't, it's very good) or that it's about a topic I'm not interested in (I find the field interesting). Rather I so want to be a cheerleader that I'm terrified of finding something I don't actually like.

That being said, I do read it when asked.

It seems you have your answer but, is your husband a writer? Forgive me if I missed that

I have to be honest, I am very tired. If someone asked me to read a 120,000 word novel, I simply would be unable to. I suspect I would have to fake faint to get out of it, or discover a mystery illness 😩

For all the time I spend on mumsnet, I just dont have the energy. Could that be the issue for your friend and husband?

He should pull his finger out and try the first chapter though, as your man, before developing man flu. Its the appropriate way to deal with this xx

Too many cooks spoil the broth and, increasingly, I trust my own opinion.

I agree with this completely. There's nothing new under the sun and all that authors have is their ability, their perseverance and their voice. I've seen far too many beginning writers start out with something interesting and unique and end up with a bland manuscript that's essentially been written by committee because they've taken feedback from so many sources. That said, it can be frustrating and lonely process, so it can be useful to find a community that understands the journey, and it doesn't sound like your husband is the right person for that @frustratedwriter.

I also think there are a lot of people on this thread who broadly agree with the idea that he should be supportive in the way you want him to be, but who don't really understand the magnitude of the task of reading 120,000 words of unedited first draft manuscript. My husband has read my books, but only one as a manuscript, when I was struggling with some structural issues while doing edits for my agent, and I think our marriage is stronger than it would be if he did.

If your book is written in the same way you wrote your OP, maybe he's just worried of what's actually in the book and it's easier to not read it than being honest about it.

It's horrible when people ask for your "honest opinion". They don't want honesty, they want validation, and sometimes you don't want to lie.

I would ask yourself- has he been supportive in helping you find time to write the manuscript? Would he take you out for a meal and toast your success if you published it?

If the answer is yes, then the fact he doesn't want to read a first draft isn't an issue IMO. Reading other people's first drafts is awful, I avoid it like the plague, it's a diplomatic nightmare, what to say, what not to say and they are often awful writers. After a few bad experiences I don't agree to read anything now.

The exception is for my work but that's because I'm offereing a professional opinion. I still don't read my partner's work, partly as I wouldn't understand it technically and partly as it's just not something we would do. He wouldn't read mine either.

Now you've deleted the book, it's all turning into a bit of a Thing, so I'd say to him, don't worry I'm not going to ask you to read the book right now, and then go get some proper beta readers and join some writing groups.

If he's unhelpful or negative generally, this is different but I don't ask family to read my work ever and I wouldn't read theirs, unless they wanted very specific professional feedback. My children don't ask ever after I made one of them cry, not on purpose but apparently the manner I gave the feedback in was very harsh, I felt it was fine. Just no, OP!