Page 3 | AIBU to feel hurt that my husband will not read my book?

Lovemuesli · 13/09/2026 11:39

Your book means a lot to you, with good reason. The problem is that it never means quite as much to others as it does to you. It's upsetting that your husband hasn't yet read it but give him time.

researchers3 · 13/09/2026 11:38

Yanbu. It's very unsupportive of him. Go and tell him how you feel.

I read some of my ex's book and it was AWFUL. It's not that he couldn't write, but the female character he'd tried to write was so badly done. I never told him though and at least I read a few chapters.

ANNotherWriter · 13/09/2026 11:33

@frustratedwriter Join a writing group- either online or in person and search Beta Readers. These are anons who will read and give feedback.OR if you can afford it and are serious about writing, use one of the coaching organisations and work with a consultant / send your work for appraisal.

Mt563 · 13/09/2026 11:31

Melarus · 13/09/2026 10:50

oooookaaay ... well if that's working out for the two of you, then that's great. It's definitely not the kind of relationship I'd want.

For instance - I'm in a choir, and we give little local performances every now and then. DP hasn't been able to come to one yet, but he does want to and I'm sure he will. I'd feel quite hurt if he never did because he just couldn't be bothered.

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But are you asking for genuine feedback on your choir and areas for improvement? Because that's quite different.

Melarus · 13/09/2026 10:50

Bitsostuff · 13/09/2026 10:11

Really? We are supposed to cheerlead our partner's hobbies now? I love my husband and DGAF about his hobby. Doesn't extend to how I feel about the rest of the relationship.

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oooookaaay ... well if that's working out for the two of you, then that's great. It's definitely not the kind of relationship I'd want.

For instance - I'm in a choir, and we give little local performances every now and then. DP hasn't been able to come to one yet, but he does want to and I'm sure he will. I'd feel quite hurt if he never did because he just couldn't be bothered.

Awkwardisfunny · 13/09/2026 10:45

scoopsahoooy · 12/09/2026 20:00

It does seem pretty mean of him. Having said that, a friend asked me to read their book and I kept putting it off: I was worried it'd be awful and I'd hate it, and I'd have to think of something constructive or nice to say. I did read it in the end, but there's something weirdly personal about reading someone's writing and it feels a bit odd! I couldn't even really articulate why and I'm a writer myself.

Well, it's like teaching the child of a friend and having to write reports or give feedback at parents evenings.. just awkward!

OP - you're best off asking strangers for feedback - like a focus group. It's too biased to ask people you know so other than your mum, it won't be accurate or helpful anyway (like you said with your sister).

Notsosweetcaroline · 13/09/2026 10:37

It’s such a difficult thing, I’ve two friends who wrote books, one , wrote 3 fiction chic lit books and one who wrote about his career. I also bought my daughters friends mums book who self published, as I was asked to.i read them all, I was very nice about them and gave some minor criticism I thought they could handle , in reality none were good. They were like school essays that went on too long, not much past gcse English.

the issue is people say they can handle criticism but they can’t. They treat these books like their babies and are so proud of them.

you need strangers to read them op. Not your family and friends.

HorseandHeron · 13/09/2026 10:30

MellowSubmarine · 12/09/2026 19:57

He should if it means that much to you.

But my DH is an author and I’ve never read anything he’s written. He’d prefer it if I did, but it’s not my preferred genre, I don’t want to dislike it, I don’t want to critique it (he wouldn’t mind, he’d welcome it, but I don’t want to). But I guess I would if he really wanted me to.

This. DH was a published author at one point and I did read his stuff for him but it was not a pleasant experience as he didn't listen to feedback I gave him, even though I am a professional editor, dismissed my ideas as not good enough and then got identical feedback from his agents and publishers. I found it very frustrating.

You say your DH has been scrolling on his phone etc - but that is his downtime. Switch-off-the-brain time. Reading your book - 120k!!! - is the opposite. It is a huge undertaking, demanding of his critical attention and also quite emotionally draining as he will want to be rooting for you. If he already has a lot on his plate right now, he needs that downtime. Reading other people's first drafts is exhausting - have you done it for other people?

I tell the authors I work with never to give their work to family, as spouses haven't a clue how to give constructive feedback - especially if it is a genre they don't normally read, and parents will tell you it is wonderful.

You need beta readers; fellow writers who you swap scripts with. Give each other feedback. Do this a few times. Your own effort at beta reading other people's first drafts will teach you a lot too, and also make you appreciate what a big request it is. You could also look at a self-editing course, like those run by Jericho Writers, or get feedback from a literary consultant.

Edited to add I don't work for Jericho Writers and never have. I just know that course has an excellent reputation and good success rate in converting early drafts to commercially viable scripts.

ProsyFossil · 13/09/2026 10:23

For this sort of thing you do want somebody who's disinterested, but not uninterested.

This is so true, and I wanna be friends with that poster.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 13/09/2026 10:22

Laurmolonlabe · 13/09/2026 10:19

I would be shocked that the person closest to me had no interest in reading a book/story I had written, it would make me question the relationship.

I'm honestly genuinely surprised some people feel that way.

I have zero interest in DH's hobbies and wouldn't expect him to have any interest in mine. If the book was published I might have a read of it if it was a subject that interested me but otherwise, I doubt I'd bother.

As long as her DH supported her while she was writing and gave her the time and space to do it, I'd say that was enough.

MimiTheMinkey · 13/09/2026 10:20

My friend wrote a book and asked to me read it. I just couldn’t. It felt far too personal, and risked too much if I didn’t like it.

Laurmolonlabe · 13/09/2026 10:19

I would be shocked that the person closest to me had no interest in reading a book/story I had written, it would make me question the relationship.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 13/09/2026 10:14

Bitsostuff · 13/09/2026 10:11

Really? We are supposed to cheerlead our partner's hobbies now? I love my husband and DGAF about his hobby. Doesn't extend to how I feel about the rest of the relationship.

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Same here. DH's hobby is fishing and it bores me to bloody death. I have zero interest in it and zone out when he starts talking 😂

Sparkletastic · 13/09/2026 10:11

So he was hugely enthusiastic but hasn’t bothered to read it? Deeds not words…

Bitsostuff · 13/09/2026 10:11

Melarus · 13/09/2026 09:06

Didsomeonesaydogs has nailed it. Posters here have given many reasons for not reading a DP's book, many of which are understandable. But it's much harder to get over it if you suspect he simply DGAF. Because it makes you ask, what else in our relationship does he not GAF about?

Really? We are supposed to cheerlead our partner's hobbies now? I love my husband and DGAF about his hobby. Doesn't extend to how I feel about the rest of the relationship.

BadLad · 13/09/2026 10:09

I wouldn’t read a first draft.

I’d read something that had been through numerous drafts and rewrites.

There’s a reason why the saying “A writer’s best friend is the waste paper basket” came to be. Professionals rewrite and rewrite again.

A first draft is likely to be painful reading for anybody.

user427654 · 13/09/2026 10:03

frustratedwriter · 13/09/2026 08:58

Oh wow! Was it the tits flapping or the typos? I one finger bashed it out on my phone but gawd if a quick furious download of thoughts from my head sounds like chatty petey, I think I'd better get help more fundamental than independent readers!

Honestly though, I have read every comment on here, and I appreciate the time and really helpful guidance given by everyone who has commented with constructive kindness. There are lots of direct and to the point pointers amd perspective which didn't feel the need to be mean. Not knowing the field of writing, or the process, I just reached out to the immediates around me to kinda say.... does this even work?. Obvs the feedback is clear... this is a silly idea for all the good reasons shared above.

It is highly unlikely that this little project will ever leave my desk, much like some sewing, crochet, painting and knitting projects i have lying around the place and guiltshaming me. But if it did... I will definitely be taking the useful advice given on this thread.

Just to confirm once again, I only sent him the first two chapters, which he initially had said he would love to see, then apologised my feelings were hurt by not having a look, and then still didn't look. Amd yes I concede it was totally passive aggressive of me to delete it from his inbox. It's not creepy that we have access, honestly, we just usually work really openly with each other's emails. It's supportive (not in any way coercive), which i suppose is why I feel so let down now. He is being a bit untypical.

The chances of me being published are, I know probably wildly less than zero. And even more so if my angry one finger phone typing voice also sounds like some AI bot.... I shall worry about this for a long time as in my day job I am really scathing when I receive anything written by cgpt and feel personally offended at the audacity!

But thanks again everyone. I've been on mumsnet many years under different names and always thought I was a bit of a thread killer so to have such a wonderful volume and community of feedback (mostly really kind and helpful), to wake up to is really appreciated, and I feel much less wounded about the whole situation now.

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It's supportive (not in any way coercive), which i suppose is why I feel so let down now. He is being a bit untypical.

I think this is the kernel at the heart of this @frustratedwriter. It sounds like a generally mutually supportive relationship, and he does seem to have been onboard with your taking the time necessary to write 120,000 words? Which, even if getting it down stream of consciousness style, is a time commitment. So I suspect you feel surprised and hurt that he's now not seeing that through. But as a number of us have said, he likely does have his reasons. I also understand your (amusingly passive aggressive) deletion, but it might be more productive to simply tell him that you're hurt and taken aback by his behaviour?

Either way, I agree that you sound like a good sport and wish you luck with your endeavours.

dh280125 · 13/09/2026 09:45

frustratedwriter · 12/09/2026 19:49

So. I've always wanted to write a book but never knew what I could write about.

I'm fairly well established in my profession but publishing something in my field gives me the absolute willies with imposter syndrome.

Even my husband said to me frequently... "you should write a book"...

And then one day I had an experience that sent my brain off on a flight of fancy and blow me, I had the bones of a wild and weird story.

I've worked on this tirelessly between breaks while working, at weekends and early mornings for months and months and I now have about 120,000 words written and a "book" with a story which of course still needs lots of work.

I decided that I needed trusted people in my life to read it and tell me if it's shit or not. I wanted it tested.

So. I printed copies for my mum and sister, and sent opening chapters to my husband and bestie. Results as follows:

Bestie has never mentioned it again. She clearly thinks it's shit. A bit disappointing but maybe silence is easier than risking the friendship (to be clear, it wouldnt, I love her loads and would be ok if she said "no offence mate, not my thing")..

Mum. Got a notebook and pen out and went through it meticulously, spotted character drift, typos and the odd weird bit of the story where what was in my head had not made it onto paper in a way the reader could reasonably follow. She is an avid reader and was both critical and complementary. She said she loved it, it is unique, timely, and she thinks once I've made some rewrites I should try and court some agents.

Sister. Devoured it. Was just the biggest cheerleader and adored it for me. She gave very little pointers but was super enthusiastic for me. Love her for this. 💛 She wasn't critical, but frankly I could streak down the high street with tits flapping in the wind, and she would tell everyone with pride that I was hers.... so I take her enthusiasm with a pinch of salt.

Husband. He has had it for three weeks now. Even though it has been obvious I've been working on it for such a long time, and I explicitly told him I valued his opinion, he simply hasn't even opened it. So a week ago I told him how hurt I was, that he was the one who always said i could do it, and now that I have, he seems to be deliberately ignoring it. He apologised if I was hurt, said he has been super busy (he really hasn't), and admitted not even opening it. He promised he would read the chapter in the next few days. He never asked one question about it and hasn't mentioned it since the briefly apology if my feelings were hurt.

Since then, he has spent hours doom scrolling, watched shit fishing shows (8ncluding repeats), and read various news articles. Sometimes so lost in his phone i could hardly get a word out of him. So... I deleted the book off his emails. It was unread. He would have to ask me to send it again now if he wanted to look. (To be clear we have open access to each other's emails. No secrets and no sneaking, his emails are in my Outlook and I manage lots for him, so no snooping to worry about). He could have read the opening chapter in half an hour. I reckon if I asked him what the working title is, he wouldn't know.

So... at the end of this, am I being unreasonable to be gutted he has absolutely no interest? I feel rage bubbling up inside me everytime I look at him right now. Even if he read it and said he hated it... but he hasn't even opened it. Completely uninterested. Like... what a fucking team.

He's doing a qualification at the moment and I always help him with his essays. Final year is about to start and he can jog the fuck on if he thinks I'm lifting a finger for him now.

Maybe this book will just die a death as a little vanity project, but pfft.... wanker.

[Typos galore, written in rage... the actual book is much more careful]...

Tricky. I’ve published about a dozen books across three pen-names and four genres and get decent feedback sometimes from my partner but I know they’ve not read all of my books and that’s ok. It’s no big deal: it’s a hobby, not a living and no one has to like everything. But they wouldn’t say they’d read something and then not do it. I’d be pretty pissed off in your case.

ToddlerFun1234 · 13/09/2026 09:10

My DH has written 2 books. I haven't read them. To me, they remind me of all the mornings and evenings and weekends he spent writing them instead of doing laundry, helping with the baby or watching a film with me.

He doesn't seem to care. Maybe he's secretly hurt, but he probably already knows what I' thinking above.

Melarus · 13/09/2026 09:06

Didsomeonesaydogs has nailed it. Posters here have given many reasons for not reading a DP's book, many of which are understandable. But it's much harder to get over it if you suspect he simply DGAF. Because it makes you ask, what else in our relationship does he not GAF about?

Didsomeonesaydogs · 13/09/2026 09:01

This really resonates with me, although I think I’d look at it in the context of the rest of your relationship rather than the reading itself.

When we were still together, my ex never read the book I wrote and didn’t read the articles I published on a website I started either. That website ultimately led to a successful freelance career, so in retrospect what bothers me isn’t really “he didn’t read my stuff”. It’s that something I was creating, was proud of and which became a significant part of my working life didn’t generate much curiosity from the person who was supposed to know and care about me most.

So I’d be asking: what is he like about the rest of you? Is he interested in your thoughts, work, interests and achievements even when they aren’t personally his thing? Does he ask questions and remember what’s important to you? Does he take pleasure in things going well for you?

Because I don’t think partners need to consume everything each other creates or share every interest. But I do think there should be some basic curiosity about the things that matter deeply to the person you love.

If this is the only example and he’s engaged and interested in you everywhere else, I’d probably see it quite differently from if you’re realising this is one example of a much wider pattern of him just not being very curious about you.

susiwho · 13/09/2026 09:00

frustratedwriter · 13/09/2026 08:58

Oh wow! Was it the tits flapping or the typos? I one finger bashed it out on my phone but gawd if a quick furious download of thoughts from my head sounds like chatty petey, I think I'd better get help more fundamental than independent readers!

Honestly though, I have read every comment on here, and I appreciate the time and really helpful guidance given by everyone who has commented with constructive kindness. There are lots of direct and to the point pointers amd perspective which didn't feel the need to be mean. Not knowing the field of writing, or the process, I just reached out to the immediates around me to kinda say.... does this even work?. Obvs the feedback is clear... this is a silly idea for all the good reasons shared above.

It is highly unlikely that this little project will ever leave my desk, much like some sewing, crochet, painting and knitting projects i have lying around the place and guiltshaming me. But if it did... I will definitely be taking the useful advice given on this thread.

Just to confirm once again, I only sent him the first two chapters, which he initially had said he would love to see, then apologised my feelings were hurt by not having a look, and then still didn't look. Amd yes I concede it was totally passive aggressive of me to delete it from his inbox. It's not creepy that we have access, honestly, we just usually work really openly with each other's emails. It's supportive (not in any way coercive), which i suppose is why I feel so let down now. He is being a bit untypical.

The chances of me being published are, I know probably wildly less than zero. And even more so if my angry one finger phone typing voice also sounds like some AI bot.... I shall worry about this for a long time as in my day job I am really scathing when I receive anything written by cgpt and feel personally offended at the audacity!

But thanks again everyone. I've been on mumsnet many years under different names and always thought I was a bit of a thread killer so to have such a wonderful volume and community of feedback (mostly really kind and helpful), to wake up to is really appreciated, and I feel much less wounded about the whole situation now.

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You are a good sport OP and I wish you well with your project.

Original poster

frustratedwriter · 13/09/2026 08:58

susiwho · 13/09/2026 07:20

OP, your first post on here reads like the cheesiest ChatGPT. If your novel is like this, it will be terrible, whatever your supportive mum and sister say.

Edited

Oh wow! Was it the tits flapping or the typos? I one finger bashed it out on my phone but gawd if a quick furious download of thoughts from my head sounds like chatty petey, I think I'd better get help more fundamental than independent readers!

Honestly though, I have read every comment on here, and I appreciate the time and really helpful guidance given by everyone who has commented with constructive kindness. There are lots of direct and to the point pointers amd perspective which didn't feel the need to be mean. Not knowing the field of writing, or the process, I just reached out to the immediates around me to kinda say.... does this even work?. Obvs the feedback is clear... this is a silly idea for all the good reasons shared above.

It is highly unlikely that this little project will ever leave my desk, much like some sewing, crochet, painting and knitting projects i have lying around the place and guiltshaming me. But if it did... I will definitely be taking the useful advice given on this thread.

Just to confirm once again, I only sent him the first two chapters, which he initially had said he would love to see, then apologised my feelings were hurt by not having a look, and then still didn't look. Amd yes I concede it was totally passive aggressive of me to delete it from his inbox. It's not creepy that we have access, honestly, we just usually work really openly with each other's emails. It's supportive (not in any way coercive), which i suppose is why I feel so let down now. He is being a bit untypical.

The chances of me being published are, I know probably wildly less than zero. And even more so if my angry one finger phone typing voice also sounds like some AI bot.... I shall worry about this for a long time as in my day job I am really scathing when I receive anything written by cgpt and feel personally offended at the audacity!

But thanks again everyone. I've been on mumsnet many years under different names and always thought I was a bit of a thread killer so to have such a wonderful volume and community of feedback (mostly really kind and helpful), to wake up to is really appreciated, and I feel much less wounded about the whole situation now.

OP posts:

Mt563 · 13/09/2026 08:56

My DH asked me to read his book.
I'm a reader, it's a genre I enjoy. I put it off for ages. It was so awkward. I love him but the chances are it wasn't going to be amazing and I'm not the kind of person to give empty praise, but I didn't want to hurt him. Plus, I'm really not good at critiquing books beyond basic grammatical accuracy.

I really don't think family and friends are generally a useful feedback source and it's quite a high risk strategy as you've found.

FudgeFudy · 13/09/2026 08:54

user427654 · 13/09/2026 00:58

Even if he read it and said he hated it...

But is this really true @frustratedwriter? That might actually be a much harder position to be in than you think.

I remember my first negative Amazon review. It was a brutal experience. If it had been coming from someone I cared about, I'm not sure how we would have got past it.

Yeah, given that OP is f-ing, blinding, and raging about him not reading her book I find it difficult to believe that she'd be super chill about him throwing a bucket of shit over it. For this sort of thing you do want somebody who's disinterested, but not uninterested. He probably knows his opinion means very little since he's not involved in the literary world and fears it's a time-consuming hiding to nothing; if he says it's a triumph then he might be suspected of just saying that in the interests of a quiet life, if he says it's bad or indifferent he might get a kicking.