AIBU to feel hurt that my husband will not read my book?

I think you are better off getting feedback from a stranger.

A family member sent me their draft. I couldn't bring myself to read it. It was all too awkward.

Blimey, that’s very odd. I don’t think I can write a book, well I could, but I’ve absolutely no desire to, and I’m sure it would be shite if I did. And other than thr 3 people I know who have done so, I genuinely don’t know any one with any desire to do so.

Um, I really don’t think that’s true 😂

EVERYBODY secretly thinks they can write a book. Everybody thinks that they have a fascinating story to tell. I don’t know a single person who thinks they couldn’t write a book. In reality, it’s a very very rare talent to write well and even rarer to successfully publish

It’s hard when it’s someone you care about. I’m an English lecturer so I’ve been placed in this situation three times now. Once was a student and I agreed to critique it for them, it was pretty good but not spectacular and I was brutally honest about that. Getting published isn’t easy if you discount self publication and I wanted her to understand that.

Second time was a friend and the book was really truly terrible. So bad I don’t know if I could tell you the plot line now, or if it even had one. She decided to do a creative writing degree after publishing it and even though she’s never published anything else, she still lives off the “published author” line. I wasn’t sure how to tell her it was awful. It put me in an awkward position. I said it was ok but could do with a little refinement before publication. She didn’t speak to me for a while after.

Final was a few months ago for my stepdad. Again, I edited it as he requested and got it back to him quite quickly. I enjoyed it to be honest. I was honest like you said your mum has been about points where he was drifting, the plot was getting lost, he was repeating etc. He was really grateful.

Your friend might feel like I did with mine, a bit awkward about telling you she didn’t really rate it… Your husband is an unsupportive dick who should put some effort in to assist you!

Don’t let anyone on here or your husband’s reaction knock your confidence. You’ve done the hard work. Follow through. I think proper professional advice and help is what you need. This is a passion project and you should not give up at the first hurdle.
The published authors I know, got agents via writing competitions. There are some regional ones where you submit chapters and synopsis which you absolutely could do.
Follow newly published authors on social media and reach out to them. Good luck. It’s definitely worth pursuing this further. Your mum and your sister are your champions. Leave your husband out of it at this stage.

@frustratedwriter
I feel sad for you as I know how exciting it is to write a book and then not have anyone want to read it. I’ve nearly finished mine.
Mine has three parts and is a dual- POV psychological thriller. The first two parts are complete. I sent them to my cousin and a work colleague who likes reading. My cousin seemed to enjoy part one and I sent part two and didn’t hear anything back. My colleague sent a voice note saying she was blown away by the opening chapter and that she would read more when she had some time. I never heard anything back. It’s been months now and I guess the lack of feedback left me uninspired to complete the small part 3 element.

My husband isn’t a reader so I can’t ask him. He is dyslexic and has a processing disorder so I wouldn’t put him through what would be an unnecessary struggle for him that I know deep down he would not want, but I know he would try.

Anyway, I adore reading and if you want someone to read your script, I would happily.
Also happy to suggest amendments. I used to be a teacher whilst not an “editor” — I’ve spent a lot of time reading and marking work and making suggestions to course work etc.

I also understand the desire to want to keep your manuscript under lock and key, so of course I understand if not.

Best of luck with your writing adventures. I can’t wait to pick mine up again once life settles down somewhat.

There's more than one way to look at this. You have sent out your first draft. Really, never do this. You need to seriously edit your writing before exposing it. I am often given self published books to read and want to throw them across the room after one chapter. I don't intend to be cruel, but writing is a craft and it needs to be worked at. However good your story is, it should be polished before you ask for anyone's opinion. Secondly, have you talked of nothing else for months until your P is sick of it? Thirdly, might he be jealous? Perhaps you're going to be a huge success and he doesn't know how to cope. Finally, go back to work, edit, edit, edit before submitting it to impartial readers for a true response as suggested above. Good luck.
Ps. I speak from experience: I let my DH read my 70,000 word PhD dissertation and he pointed out an omitted comma. That was all.

Aww OP it’s sad that he doesn’t want to read it. In the meantime though, focus on your dream of publication. Get yourself an editor and work with them on it - working with a professional will refine your work and give you confidence. From there try and get an agent. Sometimes editors have contacts/knowledge. There are lots of opportunities to self publish too but do try to go the traditional route. Good luck OP. Never mind your husband - work on that dream, girl! 💕

I've read DP's fiction book. I've helped him with notes of how he could re-write. It is ok but I'm not sure if it would sell as much as he hopes. However, he's my partner, I love him, I wanted to read it both to help him but also to share in his hobby (and I learned a lot about him and his thoughts in the process, including a character that is quite like me).

He should read it as it’s important to you. But friends/family are not the best people to read your book and make comments. You’ll want an editor to go over it impartially. Alternatively, some book groups on Facebook with allow you to swap books with other people and they’ll have a look over it

This is a very odd take indeed.

I work in publishing. Bluntly, OP - your DH/mum/sister/mate probably aren't going to give you feedback that's particularly constructive or useful unless they are editors, agents, or writers themselves. If you want to do this professionally, then you need to separate the personal from the professional - and all these people that you've asked for feedback are personal to you.

That's not to say their views will be 'wrong' - yes, it's possible if your mum loved it, others might too - but as a reader, it's very hard to be impartial and detached when you are looking at the work of someone you know well. It also puts the reader in a difficult position. Even though it's my job, I actually had to start refusing all the 'please read my novel' requests from people I know, because it can get very awkward if your professional opinion isn't what they want to hear!

I think it's rubbish of your BF to ignore you (er, what?) and I can see that it feels hurtful that your DH hasn't read the novel either, but really, given this isn't likely to be valuable to you in the long run, I'd just truck on with making the book the best that you think it can be, and not get so caught up with what your DH is doing.

I'm a published novelist, and while my DP did read my book many of my closest friends didn't, including one who's an avid reader. I know it's hard to hear when you pour your heart into something, but it can be a really big ask to read someone's book if you don't feel like it. You may not be into reading fiction at the moment (even as a writer I go through periods of not reading), you may not like the sound of it, may not have time, may worry about not liking it, lots of reasons, all of them justified. All you have to remember as a writer that there isn't any one single person whose opinion gets to define the quality of your book, or its future changes. I'm in the coaching program by the absolutely amazing, wonderful Sophie Hannah, and she always repeats this, because it's so easy to forget. Keep writing! And edit it, and send it out. Then start writing the next one. That's all that matters.

We only do one performance a term, so I'll give him a few more chances! 😀

It's not that I want criticism or feedback from him particularly - just a bit of recognition, as I suspect OP does as well. "Hey, I made something, will you take a look?" If you're met with indifference, it can be slightly crushing.

At what point will you say "oh he never will" though? Because op's dh seems to have said he will (like your dp) but hasn't done so (like your dp) and she's given up after 3 weeks...

Same here. I did come across it much later on and started to read it but it wasn’t very good. I’m relieved I didn’t have to lie to her at the time.

Maybe it’s because he’s too close to you? If it were me I’d be afraid I wouldn’t like it and I would upset the person I love the most. Or that I couldn’t really be honest. Which is no reflection on how you might react but more about not wanting to hurt your feelings (or a people pleasing tendency making him unable to be really honest).

What a weird thing to say - as if not being interested in someone's hobby is the equivalent of them not beating you

Yes, that’s true and it’s why I asked OP if her husband had celebrated her achievement. I am so curious to know @frustratedwriter

I had friends allegedly on board with my author dream and were happy to encourage me until I actually got an agent and you could tell they were unsettled. I am ND and had been fired /pushed out from a series of jobs in my 20s so with hindsight I feel they liked having me around to make themselves feel better. I was the hapless friend with the chaotic life and they weren’t happy for me to grow from that role.

They kept asking for updates on how things were going after the agent and became very interested in the process. But I had a niggling feeling they were not wishing me well and were in fact checking to see I hadn’t succeeded.

I told myself I was imagining it, but 10 months later when I signed my first 2 book deal, the same handful of friends I had suspicions over totally ghosted me or became very frosty when I told them. It was clearly the update they hadn’t wanted to receive. So I cut all of them out before my book was released. I didn’t want bad energy at the launch. It’s a bit harder to cut someone out when it’s your husband though so I really hope this isn’t the case!

Where are people getting that her husband is jealous because he also wanted to write a book? I've re-read @frustratedwriter's OP and don't get that anywhere?

But that's not really a fair comparison.

As I've said, I'm a published author. My husband is extremely supportive of that. He reads my books when they're published. He does not (and I wouldn't want him to) read 120,000 word unedited drafts.

He has an outing hobby (think lycra). I'm not remotely interested in hearing about climbs and distances and metres or watching charity rides but I'm supportive of the time and effort it takes him to do it. If he was in the Tour de France, I'd go watch.

It's hardly lowering the relationship bar to be supportive of a person's effort but not interested in putting your time into specific milestones along the way.

A writer I can promise you he’s envious. He can say all day you CAN write a book and he’s supported you and now you have gone and written the book…. And he will likely never ever do it even though he secretly thought that he could absolutely write a book too. By you actually doing it, regardless of the contents, a power shift has happened and you have proven your own tenacity and determination ( even if it never goes anywhere). In short, the shear feat of writing 120,000 words that make even loose sense is a difficult thing indeed. He likely feels threatened and is easier to ignore it and for him to stay lazy than to have to face up to the fact that he couldn’t do AND on top of that yours is actually great.

i have seen this a fair bit amongst friends tbh.

Everyone has different expectations of relationships, and these shift over time- when i was a child as long as your husband supported the household financially, was not phyiscally abusive and did not bring home STD's he was considered a good husband- I'd like to think things have moved on.

Shock horror. A male writer writing a woman character poorly 😣