AIBU to feel hurt that my husband will not read my book?

But that wasn't what the OP asked for - she wanted it tested, not a "well done" and a pat on the head.

That's true, she did say she wanted it tested. But I got the impression from the rest of her post that it was his indifference that was winding her up, not his non-appraisal. I could be wrong though

But that wasn't what the OP asked for - she wanted it tested, not a "well done" and a pat on the head.

He could say he was proud of the achievement without reading a word of it.

Then it's a good thing that he isn't expected to read 120,000 words as (once more) She. Only. Sent. Him. The. First. Chapter.

I hope if the DH ever does get round to looking at it he has better reading comprehension than half the posters on here.

That’s completely irrelevant in relation to the OP’s MS, though. Isn’t it far more likely that the OP’s DH doesn’t want to wade through 120,000 words of writing he probably thinks is unlikely to be much cop than that he’s ‘jealous’?

No, a sincere and genuine expression of pride. Even if he doesn't have the skills to evaluate it critically, he can still recognise her achievement.

Some more thoughts on jealousy..I remember watching videos about jealous male partners who tried to take the spotlight from their female partners at events like the final stretch of a long distance race or their graduation .

They probably had no interest in running themselves or achieving that degree, but they didn’t like their wives/gfs achieving something that they may not have been able to do or at least hadn’t been able to do.

And didn't like the attention their partners got in their social circle or the local news or whatever!

I read somewhere that sometimes people including loved ones assign you a role and when you step out of that role they don’t like it. That can apply to a variety of things including this.

It can also be a painful reminder of the fact that you showed grit and focus that they may feel they lack.

One of my mates started a cleaning company, it did brilliantly and she won awards and made lots of money in the first year.

A mutual friend of ours was clearly jealous.
Not because she wanted to run a cleaning business, but more because it reminded her of the things she wanted to do but lacked discipline in following through!

Btw I’m not saying OPs husband is jealous. I have no idea if he is. But I am just explaining why he could be jealous even if he has zero interest in writing a book!

Re. Jealousy it is a funny thing. It’s not necessarily about someone wanting what that other person has got specifically.

So just because her husband doesn't want to be a writer - it doesn’t mean he’s not jealous.

I had a now former friend who advised me not to bother to apply for a particular job - I didn’t have the experience according to her. That was true actually I didn’t, but I had the skills and drive.

She was visibly upset that I did get this job - a few months in actually rolled my eyes when I was telling her how well it was going. And she did ask me btw it’s not like I kept droning on about it. It was like she was hoping it wouldn’t work out.

I later found out she hated her job and had been pretending for a long time that she liked it but was sick of the pretence. It was in an entirely different field and she absolutely did not want my job in particular - it wouldn’t have suited her.

But she was jealous that I was in a job I enjoyed while she wasn’t enjoying hers. And also probably jealous that I had the confidence and boldness to go for it. Especially after all the knocks I’d had that year - assaulted by a random, fired, harassed in another job, made homeless.

The same friend used to love it when I would tell her my horror stories from previous jobs and all my other tales of woe. I thought she was being sympathetic. Now I see it’s because it made her feel better.

So yeah jealousy is not as simple as wanting that exact thing the person has!

So, a patronising lie?

Agreed, I don't think OP wanted a detailed, well-informed manuscript critique. Those aren't easy to do if you've not had any training or practice. I used to do them professionally and they would run from 12 to 20 pages. There's no way she was expecting that.

A simple "wow, well done, honey" or "I liked it and I'm so proud of you" probably would have been enough, as a bare minimum - just to prove her work wasn't being ignored.

I don't get the 'perhaps he's not a reader' argument.

Again, fine if OP had asked him to read her version of lord of the rings, but one chapter?

I've lost count of the times I've watched/listened to a band I wasn't that into or the squawks of a DC learning an instrument or stood on the sidelines supporting sport I couldn't care less about or for 3 hours only to see someone run part for 10 seconds or choir concert or whatever, to support friends and family.

I assume OP isn't a university lecturer in whatever degree he's studying for or lists one of her hobbies as 'proof reading' but she's spent a lot of time (far more than reading 1 chapter of a book) helping him with his essays.

My H is not a reader. If I gave him anything to read I wouldn’t trust his opinion.
I personally wouldn’t ask friends either in case they hated it.

Well I don’t disagree with you about ‘being a novelist’ as some kind of fantasy involving sitting prettily in a shepherd’s hut and mass acclaim rather than the grind of actually writing, but it does invariably come up multiple times on fantasy career threads.

I’m on here a lot and never once seen that. I suspect it’s more the idea of being a novelist rather than folks actually want to write books

Is he much of a reader though? Doomscrolling is something you can do when you're tired and don't need to concentrate too much. If he doesn't read a lot, maybe he hasn't had the energy rather than the time? If he does read for pleasure then yeah, I'd be devastated.

I really haven't found that. Yes, when I got my first publishing deal, a couple of people at parties gave the old, oh, I'd love to write a book if I only had time, bit. But other than that, I don't know anyone outside my writing community who expresses that, and I know for a fact that close friends and family don't think that.

And if they did, listening to me whinge about the process and the industry would put them right off 😂

Not really. 200k books a year is a drop in the ocean considering there are just over 55 million adults in this country and a good number of those books will be written by authors who have already had works published.

In other words, 0.003% of adults in the UK get to publish a book each year. Hardly widespread...

I know! But the numbers suggest it’s very widespread indeed. The ones published must be the tip of an iceberg.

You are being unreasonable.

It's a massive overwhelming ask of someone. What if he hates it? What if he is indifferent to it? How can he communicate his thoughts about it?

You are assuming a lack of interest (I take it you mean that, not disinterest - they are different.) You don't know that.

Three weeks isn't very long.

Also, does he know you printed out copies for your mum and sister, but not for him?

Well, not really. 'Vanity' presses are when you pay a 'publisher' to produce a certain number of print copies of your book, usually for distribution to family and friends, though you might manage to get some into a local bookshop, too.

Self-publishing is free (though you might pay someone to produce a cover, proof-read etc) and while your book may sink without a trace, it can also be very lucrative once you get a following, especially if you're prolific.

There's an Irish-based American novelist called Jean Grainger who's made something like $10 million from self-published historical novels. I'd never heard of her until the Irish Times did a profile recently, but she's undeniably very successful.

Well, I don't think so either, but being a novelist regularly comes up on Mn multiple times any time there's a 'What would your fantasy career be?' But the thing is, there's nothing whatsoever stopping you writing a novel -- it requires no specialist training, qualifications, education, equipment etc. Most of it (inventing characters, thinking through plots, imagining dialogue) can be done when you're commuting/cooking/in a dull meeting/exercising, so it's not even that you need vast amounts of 'pure' time dedicated to it. So if it's your secret lifelong dream, there's nothing stopping you.

Do one of those self publish ‘vanity’ books - they have loads on Amazon. Public reaction will soon show you how good they think your book is.

No, I meant I don't think it's true that everyone thinks they can write a book.

Yup! Over four million in the USA published every year. Another half a million in China. The UK has nearly 200K books a year. Plenty of people write and are published. I've published over a dozen (one trad, the rest self-published, which is more lucrative). It's easy.

Of course he should give it ago!

I tried to read a book an internet/work friend wrote years ago. It wasn’t great and I felt really uncomfortable giving constructive feedback to him and this is a person I had never met in real life and by this time our work connection was over. So well done to your mum for giving such great feedback. Surely your DH could do the same as your sister even if practically this isn’t that helpful.

It's disappointing that he refuses to read your draft but don't be discouraged. There are many reasons why people don't read, often because doom scrolling has destroyed their attention span.

Also don't be too harsh on yourself if the draft has rough edges, even established authors depend on their editor to produce the finished article.