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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Menopause - Aibu?

38 replies

Ydoapp · 12/09/2026 18:16

Menopause or peri… I’m terrified! Of the emotional state mostly. I’ve struggled with mental health a bit all my life, not massively or severely, but it’s always been there under the surface.

I keep hearing all sorts of stuff about how awful menopause is, how it changes you, how it impacts your emotions etc. This is going to sound silly too but as a single parent I was hoping to start dating again when dd was a bit bigger and by then I will be heading fast to menopause. I also worry about work as people seem to say (social media and influencers etc) that it affects working life too.
AIBU to be worried about this? Are there things that help?

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thebear1 · 13/09/2026 17:34

Everyone is different, it wasn't until my periods stopped at 54 that I had any symptoms that I felt had an impact. I'd have hated to waist my 40's worrying about menopause.

Lifeomars · 13/09/2026 15:16

When I went through it there were all the scares about HRT and cancer so did not have any. My worst symptom was very heavy, excruciating periods, I literally could not stand or speak the pain was so intense . Some sweats and flushes but nothing major. It began when I was 47 and I had my last period (thank god) when I was 51 which I think is pretty standard. No brain fog, in fact I went back to college in the evenings, got more qualifications and was promoted at work. I see all the stuff on Instagram and if I was a young woman I would be bloody terrified, there are accounts on there that make out it is the end and you will physically crumble and mentally collapse. It has also been monteised so you need to be aware that there are lots of products out there and some may not be in any way useful or helpful. I am glad it is spoken about and out in the open now and there is hopefully more help out there

intrepidpanda · 13/09/2026 15:12

Everyone is different. In continually highlighting the menopause they have inadvertently made everyone petrified of a completely natural process.
Some do suffer, some have completely no symptoms.
Some benefit from HRT, some don't need it.
See how I goes, if you do find yourself suffering then speak to a GP.

LastNightMyPJsSavedMyLife · 13/09/2026 15:01

I think the perimenopause bandwagon has overtaken the my anxiety bandwagon.

blondeboobshell · 13/09/2026 13:58

So I’m on hrt but I never had any mood swings /mh issues during peri ( in my thirties I had anxiety and depression) I had achey joints, fatigue, memory fog, insomnia, night sweats. Hrt has helped loads.

eurochick · 13/09/2026 08:02

It is not worth dreading. Some people sail through it without even realising they are hitting menopause until their periods stop. Most people have mild symptoms. Some have severe symptoms. I’m in the latter camp and can’t take HRT. It’s shit. But I’m glad I didn’t spend several years worrying about it before it happened.

TaptheCap · 12/09/2026 20:49

HRT definitely helps.

Have you had hormone related poor mental health (e.g. was it worse in puberty, after kids when not on hormonal contraception?).

My MH has never been tip top but was noticeably worse during hormonal upheaval (my teen years were hell and I got postnatal depression and anxiety) and perimenopause has absolutely slapped me down. HRT has recently kicked in and I feel tonnes better.

I think it's good to be aware of it. Took me 6 months to realise what was going on and another 6months for the GP to take me seriously.

charlieandjenna · 12/09/2026 20:44

I’m 53 and coming through the other side of it now and can honestly say that it’s not been awful. I’ve had hot flushes and unpredictable periods for a while but otherwise I actually feel better now than I had for years previously so it’ll be what it’ll be but it’s not awful for everyone

just wanted to add, not felt the need at all for HRT. Just eat proper food and kept active.

CommentHere · 12/09/2026 19:58

It's different for everyone. The best thing to do is be aware of your body and mood without obsessing about it. If you are coping well or symptoms are minor then that's great! If you are struggling or symptoms are bad, go to your GP and get help, there are plenty of remedies out there.

Don't waste precious time worrying about something that might be a non event, or something that can be resolved.

Best of luck in your 40s and I hope you enjoy a new relationship!

Megamegablahblah · 12/09/2026 19:54

My other advice is simply your life in prep - automation, routines, declutter. I am very grateful for having done that.

LadyRoughDiamond · 12/09/2026 19:51

I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression, and am properly in the menopause trenches now in my early 50s.

It’s, obviously, different for everyone, but I do wonder if I’m better equipped to deal with menopause than someone who hasn’t experienced these problems. I’m already medicated and am very aware of changes, warning signs etc. I also know where to go for info, advice etc, and am open to suggestions from medical professionals as to what can help.

Don’t assume it’s going to be terrible OP, you may find that your past mental health struggles are the very thing that equip you to weather the menopause storm.

Sahara123 · 12/09/2026 19:44

I had a Mirena coil for horrendous periods, for about 15 years. My periods stopped so I no idea what was going on, so I managed to go through the menopause without noticing!
We’re all different.

catspyjamas1 · 12/09/2026 19:41

Highly recommend reading The New Menopause by Mary Claire Haver. It was recommended to me and its great. Have a GP appointment on Monday and this book has helped me prepare for it.

Disturbia81 · 12/09/2026 19:31

something2say · 12/09/2026 18:19

Don't believe the hype....!!

And, by then, you'll have grown up a little, too.

This
Sick of it being mentioned everywhere and being this terrible time
we have always been a slave to our hormones
take hrt and look after your health, all good

DilemmaDelilah · 12/09/2026 19:30

I sailed through the menopause first time - I didn't really know it had happened until I stopped having periods completely.

Unfortunately I've been receiving treatment for cancer which involves stopping the production of all remaining oestrogen and I'm having a second menopause. That isn't great. But even after one's ovaries stop producing oestrogen and you go through the menopause, it is still produced in the liver and fat, so most women still produce some. Hopefully that will be sufficient to allow you to go through it with minimal discomfort.

WyrdHag · 12/09/2026 19:27

I'm nearly 51 and a single mum since getting divorced 10 years ago...been on HRT since 2022, symptoms mostly insomnia, mild but frequent anxiety (not induced by anything in particular which has been a pain in the arse), and being a bit achey of joints - but I am a fatty so 🤷🏼‍♀️.

I also have AdHD and have been on and off Cipramil for years.

Tbh, menopause has been an absolute revelation - yes there's some crappy bits but overall I'm more at peace with my life than I've been in years.

I have my own home, a fabulous daughter, adorable cats, am about to change my job to a completely new role in a sector I've wanted to work in years...and I have a lovely FWB 😁.

The finances and weight/fitness could do with a bit of work and it's harder than when you're younger to sort the latter out, but overall menopause and 'mid-life' have thus far massively exceeded my expectations!

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 12/09/2026 19:24

I’m hoping I’ll give less fucks at some point but can’t see it yet @endofthecorridoor

giddyboo · 12/09/2026 19:21

HRT helps me a lot . Make sure you're getting enough vitamins, evening primrose helps and magnesium. Larger doses than the RDA.

TruffleSlinky · 12/09/2026 19:19

I'm 52, not on HRT and I'd describe my experience as mild. A few hot flushes, maybe a bit of brain fog. Definitely nothing to be terrified of!

ItsAlwaysTwins · 12/09/2026 19:17

It’s has no impact on me so far apart from heavy periods. I’m on HRT, but a couple of my friends haven’t even bothered.

NancyThompson · 12/09/2026 19:13

I'm going through it now, close to the finish line, and it's been somewhat of a non-event after all the hype.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 12/09/2026 19:13

I get this as I had horrendous anxiety when I was pregnant and was dreading it. Noe it’s here I started hrt last week. There is a lot of support nowadays. When my mum went through it I remember her crying a lot

endofthecorridoor · 12/09/2026 19:10

The good balances out the bad and most of the bad bits are fixed with HRT. I am less emotional and less caring. DH loves it he says I’m more fun the don’t give a xxxx version of me. The sweats etc and lack of sex drive was fixed in a week with HRT. Don’t panic

Megamegablahblah · 12/09/2026 19:06

I am 46 and cannot have HRT. My top tips are start strength training to build muscle mass now as muscle mass helps with the synthesis of hormones. Eat good amounts of protein, stay hydrated and try and get sufficient sleep. Beyond thst if you need therapy for past issues get thst sorted. Beyone that I am quite like the perimeno rage as it fuels me to get things done. The flat feeling is the hard one but I find as long as I mix things up to have variety going on and keep mentally busy it is okay. It can have some peaks and troughs but generally it will change a bit then be stable for a while so its not all terrible.

Grumpyoldcat · 12/09/2026 19:01

Too young at 40 to be worrying. It affects everyone differently but it isnt a disease.

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