Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel uncomfortable about age gap relationships (25 year+ difference)?

7 replies

VaxMerstappen · 12/09/2026 14:26

I'm fully expecting to get flamed for this, and I know a lot will probably say if they're both happy then what's the problem, but I just wondered if I was alone in thinking this...

So, a friend of mine started seeing a new guy earlier in the summer and has recently gone 'Facebook official'. In a lot of ways I'm happy for her, as she's someone who struggles with being on her own and has had a lot of negative experiences with men up to this point.

But then she told me more about this chap. He's 60, and she's 32...so close to double her age. She's said before how she's not interested in having kids and so age isn't a deal-breaker for her, but I still feel a bit uneasy about it. I don't know, the knowledge that he's a similar age to her dad and would've been in his 30s when she was just a baby feels a bit...unnatural in some ways?

I'll profess to being particularly sensitive to age gap relationships. 5 or 10 year difference, I have no problem with. But 20, 25 or 30-year difference is when I start to feel uneasy. And a reason for that is that as a family we've experienced something similar, in that many years ago now, my sister got involved (in her 20s) with a not-particularly pleasant man who is around my dad's age. It has resulted in a lot of family tension, particularly for my mum, who really struggled to accept it.

My friend knows about this family history and admitted to being a little bit worried about how I'd react to her new relationship. So far, I've kept a lid on my true feelings and just said that I'm happy that she's happy. But secretly, I can't help but wonder what she's really doing with a man who is so much older.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
grinandslothit · 13/09/2026 01:05

It does seem a bit grim but if she's happy with them then I guess that's all that matters

Firefly1987 · 13/09/2026 00:51

If she was planning to have kids with a 60yr old I'd think that was very wrong. But she's not so it's fine. I don't care about adults dating other adults, I do have issues with much older men becoming dads at 50+ however. So I'd judge that more (not that either issue is any of my business)

ChihuahuaChica · 12/09/2026 23:19

15 years difference betwixt my ex husband and me.
Really only became an issue when I had our DC at 39 and he was 54.
He is now fucking a 30 year old (he is 62). I don't know why, but the 30 year age gap makes me feel a bit 🤮🤮🤮.

UniquePinkSwan · 12/09/2026 18:42

19 years difference between DH and I and there is no problems at all. I’m nearly 50 and he is 69. Still very active and we get on brilliantly still. It’s not always doom and gloom

ArseSkinForAFriend · 12/09/2026 18:37

I don't particularly feel uncomfortable, but now I'm in my late 50s I can see friends my age really struggling with their much older partners who are in their late 70s and early 80s.

Two of them can't even book a holiday to anywhere that isn't flat, and the way the others talk it's like they're living with an elderly parent.

MuchAdoAboutSomething26 · 12/09/2026 18:35

Would you feel the same if this 60-something was Brad Pitt?!

Fyr · 12/09/2026 18:31

Well you know its not your business who she chooses to be with.

Swipe left for the next trending thread