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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to want DH to stop helping me clear the back bedroom?

16 replies

OhNoooooooooooooooo · 12/09/2026 12:15

Sorting out the back bedroom, which has become a dumping ground.
Sent the 6yo off to bedroom to read, she's happy.
DH pops up and wants to "help"

I said "No thanks, easier if I just crack on tbh. Why not take DD out to playground or something"

No, no, he insists on helping.

Every single thing he picks up, drawer he open, box he looks in "what are we doing with this/where does this go/when did we get that/shall I chuck this or charity shop"

OMFG JUST LEAVE ME TO DO IT if you can't make decisions.

OP posts:
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DraigCymraeg · 24/09/2026 16:47

FinallyHere · 24/09/2026 16:39

Sad to think you have found a partner for life …. Only to discover you have got yourself one which needs to be ‘managed’ in order to get anything done.

I can live with that with the D.C., and for that matter my team at work, but DH? Please.

It's sad that OP sounds as though she doesn't even like her own husband.

FinallyHere · 24/09/2026 16:39

Sad to think you have found a partner for life …. Only to discover you have got yourself one which needs to be ‘managed’ in order to get anything done.

I can live with that with the D.C., and for that matter my team at work, but DH? Please.

Original poster
OhNoooooooooooooooo · 24/09/2026 16:33

parietal · 24/09/2026 15:00

this is all about people-management.

it is good that he wants to help. but he doesn't know how to help. so you need to give him the tools to make decisions. e.g. any toy that is missing parts goes on the dump pile. any toy that is intact but too young goes on the donate pile.

keeping him involved is more work now but will benefit you both in the long term.

Lol.
Every single toy would be. Should this go in the charity pile? Should we keep this ? Is this too toy too young for Bobby?

OP posts:
parietal · 24/09/2026 15:00

this is all about people-management.

it is good that he wants to help. but he doesn't know how to help. so you need to give him the tools to make decisions. e.g. any toy that is missing parts goes on the dump pile. any toy that is intact but too young goes on the donate pile.

keeping him involved is more work now but will benefit you both in the long term.

DraigCymraeg · 24/09/2026 14:56

OhNoooooooooooooooo · 12/09/2026 12:15

Sorting out the back bedroom, which has become a dumping ground.
Sent the 6yo off to bedroom to read, she's happy.
DH pops up and wants to "help"

I said "No thanks, easier if I just crack on tbh. Why not take DD out to playground or something"

No, no, he insists on helping.

Every single thing he picks up, drawer he open, box he looks in "what are we doing with this/where does this go/when did we get that/shall I chuck this or charity shop"

OMFG JUST LEAVE ME TO DO IT if you can't make decisions.

Your poor husband.

LilyBunch25 · 12/09/2026 13:13

OhNoooooooooooooooo · 12/09/2026 13:02

It's okay he's got bored of it now and wandered off ha ha

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In the immortal words of Mr Burns.....Excellent! 😅

LilyBunch25 · 12/09/2026 13:12

Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 12/09/2026 12:34

We had to.empty the understairs cupboard of doom recently, dh offered to help, but i knew it would be "why have YOU let it go so bad? What's that? I dont remember this?" I.was relieved that there wasnt enough room for two of us.

Aha yes! My favourite one yesterday was why is the teabag jar so low..?! This was DH making his bimonthly cuppa for us both versus the approx 300 I make. As I said, I refill that damn thing about 6 times a week...!! You just don't realise because you never bloody make the tea.. !!

Original poster
OhNoooooooooooooooo · 12/09/2026 13:02

Everydayimhuffling · 12/09/2026 12:58

Yeah, that's why I think she needs to really emphasize how very helpful he would be somewhere else.

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It's okay he's got bored of it now and wandered off ha ha

OP posts:
Original poster
OhNoooooooooooooooo · 12/09/2026 13:00

SummerFeverVenice · 12/09/2026 12:41

I don’t understand this, what is wrong with jointly deciding keep, bin or charity?
It isn’t that he can’t make decisions, he is rightly not taking control and making it a joint decision.

And maybe he just wants to spend time with you after a long week of not having time together?

Edited

Its not jointly deciding though, is it?

It's me deciding.

Whilst deciding what's happening with the bag of crap I'm already dealing with,and then getting interrupted randomly with a dress, that may or may not be too small, that could be passed on or donated.... that I then need to switch from my focus to that and make a decision.... When I could have just done it myself after the box of toys.

OP posts:
Everydayimhuffling · 12/09/2026 12:58

Colinthedaxi · 12/09/2026 12:38

Literally suggests this in OP and is dismissed by OH

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Yeah, that's why I think she needs to really emphasize how very helpful he would be somewhere else.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 12/09/2026 12:45

Had to laugh OP. Someone helping by asking questions isn't helping, offering a solution is a different matter. Its also much easier to make decisions in your head privately without having to have a dialogue about every single thing.

SummerFeverVenice · 12/09/2026 12:41

I don’t understand this, what is wrong with jointly deciding keep, bin or charity?
It isn’t that he can’t make decisions, he is rightly not taking control and making it a joint decision.

And maybe he just wants to spend time with you after a long week of not having time together?

Colinthedaxi · 12/09/2026 12:38

Everydayimhuffling · 12/09/2026 12:35

Give him a different job! Tell him it would be really really helpful if he would...take DD to the playground/meal prep/hoover/do something else!

Literally suggests this in OP and is dismissed by OH

Everydayimhuffling · 12/09/2026 12:35

Give him a different job! Tell him it would be really really helpful if he would...take DD to the playground/meal prep/hoover/do something else!

Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 12/09/2026 12:34

We had to.empty the understairs cupboard of doom recently, dh offered to help, but i knew it would be "why have YOU let it go so bad? What's that? I dont remember this?" I.was relieved that there wasnt enough room for two of us.

LilyBunch25 · 12/09/2026 12:24

You sound like my twin 😅 absolutely hate this kind of counter productive 'help' 🙈

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