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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

807 replies

AdeptLilacHare · 12/09/2026 11:38

I just wanted someone to shed some light on FWB situations. So, I’ve met this guy 3 times now just for sex, nothing more. But literally we just meet for sex, there’s texting up until and around the actual meet mainly just trying to find when we’re both free, who’s hosting etc. then we meet for sex then nothing. No text after, no casual conversation in between nothing at all. Then in about 2/3 weeks I’ll get a “when are you next free” text
I have to clarify I’ve never done this before I’ve always had relationships which is obviously completely different and I aware that I shouldn’t expect much more than casual sex which is fine. But, literally just sex and no actual chatting or hanging out in between is making me feel a little used. I’m unsure how to feel do I just accept this for what it is, what’s everyone’s experiences on similar situations? Am I just expecting too much for something that’s supposed to be casual?

OP posts:
Watermelonyea · 14/09/2026 09:43

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 09:39

She knows why she blocked him

Head. Wall. Bang

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 09:39

Watermelonyea · 14/09/2026 09:38

She blocked him because she doesnt want to respond to his one message every few weeks ringing the sex bell ie “wanna shag”

geddit?

She knows why she blocked him

Watermelonyea · 14/09/2026 09:38

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 09:36

About why she blocked him. Sex bell etc

She blocked him because she doesnt want to respond to his one message every few weeks ringing the sex bell ie “wanna shag”

geddit?

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 09:36

Watermelonyea · 14/09/2026 09:34

What are all these many scenarios I’m making up?

none

About why she blocked him. Sex bell etc

Watermelonyea · 14/09/2026 09:34

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 09:23

I'm making the point that you seem to be making up a lot of scenarios to suit your version of what you think happened and making digs at the OP as well.

What are all these many scenarios I’m making up?

none

Watermelonyea · 14/09/2026 09:33

BlueFahrenheit · 14/09/2026 09:28

What takes place in the middle aisle of Aldi? I've never visited one.

Classic item in the middle aisle
worth a look!

TotaleclipseinFrance · 14/09/2026 09:32

BlueFahrenheit · 14/09/2026 08:15

Stop picking fights with women. You're a man, and you're being sassy.

I was enjoying some of your perspectives, but now you're just being petulant and grating.

Edited

To be expected from a lot of men who have actual female friends as opposed to women in their life they're fond of.

What usually happens is that the man wants to have sex with the woman but she does not want to.
She then says let's just be friends hoping he'll fuck off but he persists.

At first she's incredulous that he didn't get the hidden message, but sees it can have advantages.
He goes along with it with the hope that demonstrating how kind, nice, etc he is she'll suddenly want to shag him.

He takes her out for meals does her favours etc.
She gets to like this.

But she never has sex with him. After a while this may start to piss him off. Then the nice guy act ends.

Well this is the flip side of the coin: a woman having sex with a man hoping he'll have a relationship.

Disclaimer: obviously there are men AND women who purely want casual sex.
In fact, if I were in OP's shoes I'd probably enjoy fantasising about a man who's along the mysterious stranger lines.

The fact she isn't suggests she wanted a relationship.

BlueFahrenheit · 14/09/2026 09:28

sunnyfeet · 14/09/2026 09:26

The Op has blocked him so in a few weeks when he rings the sex bell, the Op won’t come running.

The sex bell??! Can you get that on the middle isle in Aldi, @Watermelonyea :)

What takes place in the middle aisle of Aldi? I've never visited one.

sunnyfeet · 14/09/2026 09:26

The Op has blocked him so in a few weeks when he rings the sex bell, the Op won’t come running.

The sex bell??! Can you get that on the middle isle in Aldi, @Watermelonyea :)

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 09:24

Watermelonyea · 14/09/2026 09:23

What? You have misunderstood. You’re on your own there

I don't really think so. You seem really invested in what's happened and you've made posts saying how bored you are with the thread

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 09:23

Watermelonyea · 14/09/2026 09:21

What on earth are you on about 😆

Edited

I'm making the point that you seem to be making up a lot of scenarios to suit your version of what you think happened and making digs at the OP as well.

BlueFahrenheit · 14/09/2026 09:23

AdeptLilacHare · 14/09/2026 09:01

Also the fact that is could only be said over an internet forum. If they find out one of their friends had a one night stand would their reaction be “oh so you were a protitute for the night” or to find out they’re having an affair “ so you’re now a part time protitute”

Well, if this were to be true, there are prostitutes everywhere 🤣

Watermelonyea · 14/09/2026 09:23

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 09:22

You seem to be making a lot of digs at the Op and doing a lot of scenarios.

What? You have misunderstood. You’re on your own there

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 09:22

Watermelonyea · 14/09/2026 09:21

What on earth are you on about 😆

Edited

You seem to be making a lot of digs at the Op and doing a lot of scenarios.

Watermelonyea · 14/09/2026 09:21

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 09:20

Do you think it's ok that you decide why the Op has blocked this guy

What on earth are you on about 😆

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 09:20

Watermelonyea · 14/09/2026 09:18

Exactly that

Do you think it's ok that you decide why the Op has blocked this guy

Watermelonyea · 14/09/2026 09:18

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 09:16

Sorry what.

Exactly that

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 09:16

Watermelonyea · 14/09/2026 09:09

Nothing to end

The Op has blocked him so in a few weeks when he rings the sex bell, the Op won’t come running.

Sorry what.

Airyfairy77 · 14/09/2026 09:15

I had a FWB for around 2 years. We met about once a month for a nice hotel stay, drinks, dinner, ‘fun’, overnight, breakfast. And in between we’d message/chat fairly frequently, most days. He was definitely a friend as well as a ‘benefit’ partner 😄 Neither of us felt slightly used. I wouldn’t have wanted your situation OP.

sunnyfeet · 14/09/2026 09:14

AdeptLilacHare · 14/09/2026 00:06

Exactly this.
I seem to keep being told I’m wrong for expecting some very basic level of conversation.
I like to meet lots of people and chat with them that definitely doesn’t end with someone I’m having regular sex with but that also doesn’t mean I want a relationship just because I expect us to get on and be able to talk, flirt and bond like you say.
Not just lets fuck and be on our way. Me, personally I hate that

OP, I don't think you're wrong for wanting a slightly less cold arrangement. But it doesn't matter what internet strangers think, if its not working for you (and it certainly wouldn't work for me) you were right to end it.

You've been given a hard time on this thread.

thisismeithinkorisit · 14/09/2026 09:12

this is your body, why would you just accept it? absolutely fine if it works for it, but if it doesn't, why make yourself have sex with someone who isn't meeting your needs?

sunnyfeet · 14/09/2026 09:11

Watermelonyea · 14/09/2026 07:21

Could it not just be that he met the Op, doesn’t want to pursue any kind of relationship, not interested in her in any shape or form but just fancies off meet up for purely sex when he has nothing better to do (hence every few weeks)?

Yes, I think that's more likely

Sartre · 14/09/2026 09:09

AdeptLilacHare · 14/09/2026 08:51

the fact I have been likened to a prostitute on this post so many times is ridiculous, in that case, many women could essentially be prostitutes for enjoying sex outside a committed relationship.

It’s not that, it’s more the fact you wanted more from this than just sex but he essentially wanted to treat you like an unpaid sex worker. He had zero desire to speak to you whatsoever, just wanted to shag you when it suited him.

Watermelonyea · 14/09/2026 09:09

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 09:07

She has ended it

Nothing to end

The Op has blocked him so in a few weeks when he rings the sex bell, the Op won’t come running.

Sartre · 14/09/2026 09:08

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 08:29

She was not a sex worker. Give me strength. There are people who meet like this all the time. It does not mean she was a sex worker

Akin to a sex worker he didn’t have to pay for. I’d say same the other way around except OP wanted something more from this, he literally just wanted to hook up when he suited him with no conversation between. I think the whole FWB thing means you hang out occasionally too and text each other a bit at least.