AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

Exactly

I am intrigued that the pair of you met on a dating app. Presumably you agreed to this situation before you met for the first time? Or did both your profiles make clear …. Looking for sex only?

@AdeptLilacHare

It was a dating app? So did you agree sex only via messaging before you met? Or did you rock up expecting a date and then… what?

First post nails it.

So a dating app but neither of you wanted to date, you just wanted sex so agreed to that? Or you met and there was no romantic spark so you agreed to just sex?

He wanted casual sex and you agreed.
No one is being used, just the two of you want something different.

You aren't unreasonable to want different, but you are unreasonable to suggest he has done something wrong.

Just 'not be free' next time he calls and gradually he'll get the message.
Move on and be clearer next time with a new partner what you are looking for.

Nope and neither do I to be honest
we spend 2 days a week together, I don’t want to live with him

I think it’s one of those arrangements where you have to be very clear before you begin, exactly what it is you each understand it to be, and what you each expect. For some the friendship aspect is important, and well established before they start having sex. For others it’s synonymous with hookup.

You don’t have an established friendship with this guy, you’ve got an arrangement to hook up now and then. If you expect more you need to tell him, because how is he supposed to know otherwise?

Going back to my single days, it wouldn’t have occurred to me to act any differently than he has. If I’d started having sex with an existing male friend that I already texted, went to see movies and had dinner with, then continuing to do so after sex was introduced wouldn’t feel like dating because the friendship dynamic was already established. With someone I’d just met and started having sex with? All of those things would feel like dating.

I don’t think the arrangement works for you, but that doesn’t mean that he’s using you.

Well then I guess you went into this with one idea of what no-strings attached sex looked like and he went into it thinking you were going to be there to scratch an itch every couple of weeks.

What you now need to do is say it’s not working for you anymore and go find a boyfriend.

He is using you and you want more.

@AdeptLilacHare ,

I guess the reason people are suggesting therapy is that you don’t seem happy or to know what you want.

From what I can read of your posts, you want a traditional FWB situation, where you go out for the odd meal or cinema and have great sex, and message a little in between, but nothing too heavy. Is that right?

Or do you just want a more polite fuck buddy?

Either way, if you are feeling used, it won’t get better, so unless this guy has anything irreplaceable in the bedroom department, he needs replacing!

@AdeptLilacHare
Yes you're being totally used
And you sound very unsure of where you stand/expect from the whole thing
So end it

I think you should tell him this isn't really working for you. Maybe he would like a bit more communication between you too or maybe this is exactly what he wants. This doesn't mean FWB will never suit you but you want more interaction than this arrangement.

Op you have completely misinterpreted why i think you might need therapy

I'm surprised by how many posters are NOT getting that this was a joint arrangement.

So, this app. What was it offering? Casual sex, friendship with sex, what? I think that will tell you what he's expecting.

Definition of casual sex!

You’re right OP, this is just sex with sex, not friends with benefits.

Just because it was supposed to be FWB doesn’t mean you need to accept it; it should work for you too.

I would end the arrangement as you feel used.

Yes Op that’s why 🙄