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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

807 replies

AdeptLilacHare · 12/09/2026 11:38

I just wanted someone to shed some light on FWB situations. So, I’ve met this guy 3 times now just for sex, nothing more. But literally we just meet for sex, there’s texting up until and around the actual meet mainly just trying to find when we’re both free, who’s hosting etc. then we meet for sex then nothing. No text after, no casual conversation in between nothing at all. Then in about 2/3 weeks I’ll get a “when are you next free” text
I have to clarify I’ve never done this before I’ve always had relationships which is obviously completely different and I aware that I shouldn’t expect much more than casual sex which is fine. But, literally just sex and no actual chatting or hanging out in between is making me feel a little used. I’m unsure how to feel do I just accept this for what it is, what’s everyone’s experiences on similar situations? Am I just expecting too much for something that’s supposed to be casual?

OP posts:
Original poster
AdeptLilacHare · 12/09/2026 16:26

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Maybe 40mins all together

OP posts:
Oddmod · 12/09/2026 16:23

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BlueFahrenheit · 12/09/2026 16:22

Some men may send you a message after you have had sex, but most will only contact you to ask when you are free to have sex again.

Casual sex isn't for everyone - switch the emotions off. Men do not care.

Original poster
AdeptLilacHare · 12/09/2026 16:19

BlueFahrenheit · 12/09/2026 16:17

Why would he send you a message to acknowledge the sex you had? You are expecting too much.

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Alright, I didn’t realise I was but that’s fine I’ll learn from this and move on

OP posts:
BlueFahrenheit · 12/09/2026 16:17

AdeptLilacHare · 12/09/2026 16:16

yeah pretty much I mean we chatted a little after but not much. I didn’t expect much more, I think I just expected a text the next day or something to acknowledge the sex at least.

im not complaining about the casual sex, it is what we agreed and that’s fine.
as I’ve said before I wanted some opinions from other who may have been in similar arrangements and more what the etiquette was.

I realised now that’s there’s not really a one size fits all on these arrangements. But I’m not happy with it so I don’t need to carry it on. That’s fine, I’ve tried it, I’m not happy, I’ll move on

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Why would he send you a message to acknowledge the sex you had? You are expecting too much.

Original poster
AdeptLilacHare · 12/09/2026 16:16

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yeah pretty much I mean we chatted a little after but not much. I didn’t expect much more, I think I just expected a text the next day or something to acknowledge the sex at least.

im not complaining about the casual sex, it is what we agreed and that’s fine.
as I’ve said before I wanted some opinions from other who may have been in similar arrangements and more what the etiquette was.

I realised now that’s there’s not really a one size fits all on these arrangements. But I’m not happy with it so I don’t need to carry it on. That’s fine, I’ve tried it, I’m not happy, I’ll move on

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 12/09/2026 16:14

as I’ve said I don’t want any more. just for him to be a bit more polite about the whole agreement and a bit more communication

But you do want more than he's giving. You want the semblance of caring and he's not giving you that. You're not friends, you're just a casual hookup and this is a let's fuck, okay setup.

Boomer55 · 12/09/2026 16:13

I’ve never done a FWB, but it doesn’t sound too good. 🤷‍♀️

Mooseylooseyloo · 12/09/2026 16:11

As people have said, this is a fuckbuddy not FWB. I had a fuck buddy for a while when I was younger, exactly the same situation, we wouldnt have general chatter just a text to each other to see who was free. When he arrived at mine we would get straight to it as soon as he came in the door lol it was great sex but thats all it was, I knew thats all it was so I didnt let myself develop feelings and after a while I just stopped it. Ive had FWB too and yes thats more going out for dinner, cinema, drinks and actually having a friendship and contact.
If you are not happy with the situation just end it, at least he was honest and upfront.

NovemberMorn · 12/09/2026 16:09

Ooops....I was answering the last sentence. 😊

Newbutoldfather · 12/09/2026 16:08

@AdeptLilacHare ,

‘It’s not that, Im not lacking any other friendships with females or males or simply seeking friendship from someone. As said before I was more trying to get some clarity on what a “casual sex” or “fwb” entailed as I’d never done it before and was looking for opinions from others who had been in similar arrangementS’

I don’t think that you are going to get the clarity that you want from here; people all have different needs and desires. Personally, I’d hate something as cold as you have, as I enjoy the flirtation and getting to know someone. Maybe I would have liked it when I was much much younger (maybe not though).

The thing is some people would find it ideal. But how would that help you?

You aren’t happy and, if you try to force it because randomers on the internet tell you it is what you agreed, you will really get the ick big time! Ultimately, you owe him nothing. Bye bye, next….

Oddmod · 12/09/2026 16:07

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NovemberMorn · 12/09/2026 16:06

TotaleclipseinFrance · 12/09/2026 16:04

Er, he's your husband. 😕

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Last time I looked, he was male.😆

heatdome · 12/09/2026 16:05

mymswashing · 12/09/2026 14:48

Nope and neither do I to be honest
we spend 2 days a week together, I don’t want to live with him

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Thanks for replying. I don’t think I’d want to change it either.

TotaleclipseinFrance · 12/09/2026 16:04

NovemberMorn · 12/09/2026 15:54

"Men as a rule have no use for female friendship. It's a myth."

Rubbish. I have been friends with my husband, and he with me, for decades.
We have more fun with each other than with anyone else.

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Er, he's your husband. 😕

Oddmod · 12/09/2026 16:02

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BlueFahrenheit · 12/09/2026 16:02

AdeptLilacHare · 12/09/2026 15:58

Yes, and we chatted a lot before meeting. Both agreeing on what we wanted.
but since then after each encounter the communication has got less and less

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He is not interested in communicating. This is how most men view casual hookups.

Original poster
AdeptLilacHare · 12/09/2026 16:01

Oddmod · 12/09/2026 15:59

The 3 meet ups… who’s hosted?

Him twice, myself once

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Oddmod · 12/09/2026 16:00

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Frugalgal · 12/09/2026 15:59

AdeptLilacHare · 12/09/2026 11:38

I just wanted someone to shed some light on FWB situations. So, I’ve met this guy 3 times now just for sex, nothing more. But literally we just meet for sex, there’s texting up until and around the actual meet mainly just trying to find when we’re both free, who’s hosting etc. then we meet for sex then nothing. No text after, no casual conversation in between nothing at all. Then in about 2/3 weeks I’ll get a “when are you next free” text
I have to clarify I’ve never done this before I’ve always had relationships which is obviously completely different and I aware that I shouldn’t expect much more than casual sex which is fine. But, literally just sex and no actual chatting or hanging out in between is making me feel a little used. I’m unsure how to feel do I just accept this for what it is, what’s everyone’s experiences on similar situations? Am I just expecting too much for something that’s supposed to be casual?

You tried it, you're not feeling it, he clearly thinks there's no need to put in any effort in terms of social niceties, , you used protection, end the arrangement , no harm done.

But is it not awkward having sex with someone in those circs? No chat first, no social lubrication , flirting, or of the alcohol variety or otherwise?

I did something like this with an ex for a while, many years ago, a booty call type arrangement. We were using each other I guess, but we had a shared history so, while it was horribly ill-advised it wasn't weird or awkward getting from the point of opening the door to the bedroom stage. If the person was a total stranger I'm not sure how it works on the cold light of day, so to speak..

Oddmod · 12/09/2026 15:59

The 3 meet ups… who’s hosted?

BlueFahrenheit · 12/09/2026 15:59

There's nothing wrong with enjoying casual sex; however, please accept it for what it is.

Original poster
AdeptLilacHare · 12/09/2026 15:58

Oddmod · 12/09/2026 15:53

@AdeptLilacHare

You met on a dating app. Did your profile and his say FWB only?

Yes, and we chatted a lot before meeting. Both agreeing on what we wanted.
but since then after each encounter the communication has got less and less

OP posts:
BlueFahrenheit · 12/09/2026 15:56

It's casual sex. You aren't friends.

Strongopiniononaboutprettymucheverything · 12/09/2026 15:56

it's no good for you. you need to stop doing this.