AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

I'm not personally attacking you. I never said my point of view is 100% correct, either.

I have many male friends of all ages, and when they're logging into one of these dating apps, they're driven by lust. Once again, it doesn't apply to all men, but to a high majority.

Not sure why you need to get personal. Have you considered that your point of view isn't necessarily 100 per cent correct ?

Not sure why you need to get personal. Have you considered that your point of view isn't necessarily 100 per cent correct ?

Are you naive, or have you never seen men use these apps in action?

Genuine questions but who are all these many young people that have confided you in this way for you to be able to say so definitively this?

And ? That doesn't mean he has a roster.

They've met three times. They hardly know one another. Why would he need to be interested in her when it was a casual sex arrangement from the outset

I have no issues with Casual sex; I've enjoyed it. However, I'm not going to pretend that it's something it isn't.

Yes, there are many variables, but let's not be naive. This is a common attitude toward casual sex from a man's view.

OP's FB isn't interested in her, which is why he only messages her for sex.

He's using an app. Swiping continuously. He will be talking to other women.

Yes, you're being used.

I don't understand why you would assume this, when it's much easier for women to find casual sex on dating apps than it is for men.

Why are we assuming he is much more successful on there than the cast majority of men, who get few if any likes or matches?

How do you know he has a roster of women?

But this implies there is a handbook and a set of rules for what "casual sex entails"

And there isn't.

OP'a guy has a particular version of it in his head, clearly. And this would suit some men and some women, if they prefer sex to feel as anonymous as possible. (There is definitely a kink for it - for some people it seems to heighten the excitement, make them feel more disinhibited, whatever).

But there are infinite other variables for what "casual sex" can look like. And OP wants something different.

I don't understand why there seem to be posters on this thread invested in maintaining that any woman who desires recreational sex must expect to be treated in this way whether she wants to be or not.

When this is patently not the case, and many people have casual sexual relationships that also involve spending time together, meals out etc.

Why are some of you pretending this isn't a possibility, when it is?

It's almost like you want sex without commitment to be inherently shameful and degrading for women.....

They aren't friends.

Why would he invest this much time in the OP when he has a roster of women available?

He only wants to know when she's available for sex.

I echo your thoughts.

Older, established individuals may engage in these activities, but I know for a fact that younger ones don't. These days, some men don't even want to buy a woman a drink. Theatre? No chance.

I agree.
I do though see that for older, more mature people who have been divorced with adult children and no longer want marriage or cohabitation a good friend that they have sex with is plausible.

There's hopefully the emotional maturity to navigate issues.
And to be honest the older we get the more we rely on others and are hopefully kinder.

When you're young though and these things like marriage and children are things you wish for all this fwb stuff is far too complicated.

If you are 60, fair enough.

Of course, he does. She's not the only woman he's having sex with.

🙄

They discussed “a lot” on multiple occasion what they both “wanted” from it and expect.

So one of them misled or got the wrong end of the stick or changed their mind. It seems to be the OP changed her mind.

Well, the dating pool is limited for specific individuals; therefore, they try to accommodate.

@BlueFahrenheit which specific individuals have a limited dating pool? Not trying to be obtuse but not quite sure what you mean?

Absolutely.

There's no need for him to make an effort. He met the OP, made her comfortable and sent some messages. In his eyes, that's enough.

Unless you're getting paid for your time or you understand what casual sex entails, don't agree to it.

She doesn't want to be dating him. Nowhere has she said that. She just wants a bit of chit chat between meet ups because being "friends" usually makes for better sex for a woman.

I don't see men taking their casual hookups to the theatre or musicals. Heck, most married men aren't even doing this.