AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

Getting to know someone, finding them attractive personality as well as physically, things in common

@TotaleclipseinFrance ,

‘I'm of the opinion men don't really want women as actual friends, anyway.
Acquaintances? Yes. Acquaintances they may care for just a bit? Possible. A nice woman they can have a chat with in the pub? Yeah maybe.

Friends? No’

Where do you get that totally archaic view from? Most of my best friends are women. I have had some for over 40 years (uni friends). Occasionally, way back when, we may have fancied one another at different times, or wanted more. But definitely just strong platonic friendships for decades through marriages, children etc etc

I think since men and women have enjoyed equality at universities and in the work place, they have enjoyed platonic friendships.

I just don’t believe you have any evidence to support that rather sad and reductive viewpoint.

Being nosey here you’re either a sex therapist or a sex worker?

joking and you don’t have to answer.

I find it ironic that women on MN think women being real with the OP that she’s nothing more than an object are ‘sexist’ but they think it’s perfectly reasonable for men to fuck a woman and that’s it.

The entitlement of men to women’s bodies is OK then!

Yeah it was a forced connection on my part. I wanted a connection, he clearly didn’t. Although he originally stated he did want a connection when really he just wanted to seem like he did to get me into bed then have very little contact because he just wasn’t interested in anything else. I completely get what’s happened, but I can help his actions. Not can I change how it all happened it’s done, I’ve learnt, move on

You're right.

It is exactly a tale as old as time. Pleased I never fell for the tomfoolery and made a lot of money from it.

@BlueFahrenheit ,

You do realise that being a sex worker the men you saw weren’t a typical cross section ? I think that it has given you a very slanted view.

@BlueFahrenheit ,

You do realise that being a sex worker the men you saw weren’t a typical cross section ? I think that it has given you a very slanted view.

Hang 0n she wasn’t used ans abused. She willingly agreed fhis. He told her it was causal sex. She even hosted him twice, also went to his house to shag him. This was consensual.

Sorry should have said, I’m now going to refer to him as a fuck boy but honestly, this is a tale as old as time. How many women fall for the same trope, apparently the OP only wanted sex and when she got it, she herself said she was used.

As usual MN turn this into a sexism debate when completely ignoring we are giving our advice to the person who asked the question.

OP is being used and she admitted it.

I understand men very well. Male nature isn't intricate or complex.

Many men are dogs in heat. How many threads exist on Mumsnet about men cheating?

Yes, a hookup. That is exactly what it is, and the OP naively thought it was a little more than that.

Except that's not what happened as you said yourself. You met him once for a drink and had a few phone calls and messenger chats and then slept with him. This connection seems very forced on your side. I'm not trying to be critical here but if you were only ever after casual sex and it's clear he is too -you can't force the same kind of emotions that would happen if you were in a committed relationship where you took your time getting to know someone before you slept with him.

The fact that he takes 40 minutes to sleep with you then leaves shows that he's not interested in an emotional connection in any way shape or form. If this was simply just about getting your needs met as you suggested earlier in the thread this kind of arrangement would suit you. It's not suiting you.

@Notsosweetcaroline ,

‘in my experience it is rare a woman can turn up. Fuck a man on demand,and walk away, no emotion. Yes some can, but it’s not the norm. Men can do this. It’s why prostitution is a thing.’

Reading some posts on here, I start to think that (some) women understand men even worst than most men understand women!

Even in the realm of paid sex, why do you think prostitutes offer more than 30 minutes? Hell, some even offer a full night. And, isn’t the ‘girlfriend’ experience something many men pay up for, including kissing etc?

Men aren’t dogs on heat (well, maybe a few are)! They mostly want some connection too, even in a FWB (or fuckbuddy) type relationship. Obviously what that connection is totally varies, but the OP’s partner does sound a very cold fish.

Aside from that, there are as many types of men as women. And, as most women rightly recognise, it’s not hard for a normal looking woman to get sex. Which means she gets a fair few men to choose from. So OP can find someone who meets her needs, whatever they are.

@DestituteDesperate ,

‘Fuckboy’ is the term young women use for guys who literally just want sex, and it’s not a compliment! I rather like it. It is pay back for centuries of sexism.

Even those looking for something very short term want to be desired as more than just a hole.

@DestituteDesperate ,

‘Fuckboy’ is the term young women use for guys who literally just want sex, and it’s not a compliment! I rather like it. It is pay back for centuries of sexism.

Even those looking for something very short term want to be desired as more than just a hole.

The only one being silly is you.

How do you know I or others wouldn’t say he is. Rent boy being used for nothing more than his biological instrument.

Stop being so naive and patronising.

The OP stated she felt used because she doesn’t even get a ‘little’ information to know one another. She’s being USED for sex, he views her as an object that he doesn’t even have to pay for.