AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

Ok so now you know

have you blocked him?

Yes, absolutely, I can. I think this is part of the thrill for those who enjoy casual sex.

I remember the time I locked eyes with a really attractive guy in the gym, and I was certainly aroused. We kept making eye contact throughout our workouts.

He took me out for dinner on a few occasions, and we had amazing sex.

Of course she hasn't. The man involved here wants a quick shag now and again. Nothing else.

(Men - in spite of one here telling us they aren't apparently like this - very much are indeed like this.

They literally stick their dicks into holes in walls.)

Seems to me that this is obvious and instead of accepting it, parking her ego, picking herself up and moving on she wants to overanalyze the heck out of it.

She needs to move on and stop going on about nonsense like 'connection' with a guy she's met a few times for sex.

I felt a bit sorry for her at first now it's just irritating.

@TotaleclipseinFrance ,

‘You may very well do that doesn't mean you know anything about female nature, though.’

I mean I can’t empathise in the way another woman would. However, I am well read and do actually talk to women in an open way and listen to what they say.

‘Clearly while it is totally proper to treat men and women as individuals in some regards, there is no doubt that there are indeed significant differences between the sexes which nobody could deny.’

I wouldn’t try to deny that, although the intra sex variation is also significant, so some women act more like traditional men and some men act more like traditional women.

’The OP clearly feels used and this guy clearly is out for a quick shag and there are indeed men who aren't that fussy about who they shag. No disrespect to the OP meant here.’

But she doesn’t feel used because he only wants a sexual relationship. She wants the same thing. The only reason she feels used is that he can’t even be bothered with basic manners. She has repeatedly said that, and yet you try to put some stereotype on her and insist she wants a deep relationship! This is where you are totally failing to treat her as an individual.

Can I ask you a personal question? Please don’t feel obliged to answer! Can you actually enjoy the sex with someone you barely know? I’ve thought about this a few times because FWB is tempting. Are some people just highly sexed and can enjoy it as a stand alone act? Or is that actually quite normal? I think I would need to at least chat with someone to feel aroused. Especially if it were with the same person repeatedly. Like surely there has to be a bit of banter or lead up?

No judgement, just curious.

I doubt he realises that you have a problem with this tbh because it’s supposed to be easy. If you tell him you want to send the occasional text as friends he might well be fine with it, I would ask. You’ve nothing to lose really, you won’t be able to keep this up if you feel sad so even if he ends it because you’ve asked then it’s not like it wasn’t coming anyway.

Because the Op is saying that she wants a connection

but has she made any inroads in that??

Does it really matter ?

What have your messages been like? Suggesting a sex meet up? Or a “hi, how are you? What you been up to?”

Yes you’re being used for sex. Block him .

When did you have this exchange? After sex on the third and last occasion? Or via messaging?

You felt used

you knew he would not message unless sex was involved.

You continued to engage in sex after it happened the first time, at least twice more.

You thought having sex with this person would develop something meaningful which you’re trying to seek as under the guise of a ‘little’ knowing about each other.

You agreed to sex thinking you could circumvent it to your advantage but he made sure he spun it directly to his advantage.

Its been made beyond clear what’s happened, you said you have accepted it but I suspect you haven’t and once more, he will have easy access to you.

Ok can you just answer this

you say “zero contact” after sex
and then weeks later he messages you asking for sex

Do you message him and he just ignores you?

FWB means different things to different people. You weren’t friends with him as you’ve met up purely for sex. Some people have been actually friends with their FWB person. But you hooked up with a stranger. There’s no rules about it. So if you want the sex then carry on, or look for someone else if you want the relationship to be a bit different to what you have now.

You may very well do that doesn't mean you know anything about female nature, though.

Clearly while it is totally proper to treat men and women as individuals in some regards, there is no doubt that there are indeed significant differences between the sexes which nobody could deny.

The OP clearly feels used and this guy clearly is out for a quick shag and there are indeed men who aren't that fussy about who they shag. No disrespect to the OP meant here.

Have you never heard of gloryholes?

Tell me where is the female equivalent? Or indeed the female equivalent of cottaging?
They don't exist.

There's not that many women paying for sex, either, BTW.

It is all over the place

ATP I detect OP to be very defensive and not as forthcoming as she is with the paramour who’s leaving her used and confused.

She knows he was running game on her but seem rather prickly with anyone showing her this.

So after sex… when you say zero contact from him… are you saying that you message him and he just ignores you?

@TotaleclipseinFrance ,

‘Yet you're a man posting here acting like he's an authority on women.’

Am I? Show me the statement(s) where I have stated what ‘women want’ or ‘what women are like’?

I think I treat both sexes as individuals and with respect.

Yet you're a man posting here acting like he's an authority on women.

I bet @BlueFahrenheit understands men better than you do women.

Thanks for your transparency and your attitude is entirely refreshing.

Even though it’s not for me, if you’re going to do, do it safely and make sure the rewards outweigh the risk.

Sounds like you fully utilised it to your advantage and kudos.
Rather see posts like this than another woman being manipulated and heartbroken.

I am not clear what contact you make though?