AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

Unless the sex is mind blowing.. what are you getting out of this?

Yes, I know that I was making that comment based on the thread and answers or rather lack of it and cherry picking.

I get that she’s not forthcoming and she’s been on the thread but cherry picks what to answer but she will now appear to say she had blocked him, no doubt.

Ive seen you’ve suggested some sensible things and another poster has given good advice but she seems rather defensive to it so I am speculating she’s not blocked him and any no contact isn’t her choice.

He has all the power because she gave it to him.

We don’t know she hasn’t blocked him

Hence me asking

I enjoy the sex, yes. I have genuinely had a good time when I’ve been with him.

He knew what he was doing, said the right things at the time, made me orgasm. So it was good sex.

Yes, absolutely, I can. I think this is part of the thrill for those who enjoy casual sex.

I remember the time I locked eyes with a really attractive guy in the gym, and I was certainly aroused. We kept making eye contact throughout our workouts.

He took me out for dinner on a few occasions, and we had amazing sex.

Because she hasn’t blocked him, that’s what I was implying.

So if there’s no communication it’s not because OP blocked him, it’s because ‘fuckboy’ is ignoring her until the next round of swapping bodily fluids.

Hope that clears that’s up.

You thought my suggestion to block was “good” but your response

Of course not, any lack of communication is not due to OP volition.

that doesn’t make sense

You've just made up a story in your own head.

There is zero evidence, in anything she has said, that OP is somehow desirous of a deep and meaningful relationship with this guy - I mean, why would she be? From the way she has described him, he is a bit of a dick.

She just wants the sexual partner to be polite and friendly towards her, engage in a bit of normal interaction etc. She is hardly asking for the world!

But you are inexplicably portraying her as some kind of cunning manipulatrix, with dark designs to ensnare this guy ....

I think you have been watching too many films. His bunny is safe. She just wants him to be normally polite. As most guys are, in my experience.

No, I saw that, your suggestion was good but I suspect OP has no intention of blocking. She’s just far too readily available so losers like the ‘fuck boy’ can take advantage of the situation.

I was always told, don’t ever let someone ever tell you twice, or in this case, ignore you lol

You felt used

you knew he would not message unless sex was involved.

You continued to engage in sex after it happened the first time, at least twice more.

You thought having sex with this person would develop something meaningful which you’re trying to seek as under the guise of a ‘little’ knowing about each other.

You agreed to sex thinking you could circumvent it to your advantage but he made sure he spun it directly to his advantage.

Its been made beyond clear what’s happened, you said you have accepted it but I suspect you haven’t and once more, he will have easy access to you.

You missed that every few weeks he messages her for a shag @DestituteDesperate

hence my suggestion to block

Of course not, any lack of communication is not due to OP volition.

@TotaleclipseinFrance ,

‘I'm of the opinion men don't really want women as actual friends, anyway.
Acquaintances? Yes. Acquaintances they may care for just a bit? Possible. A nice woman they can have a chat with in the pub? Yeah maybe.

Friends? No’

Where do you get that totally archaic view from? Most of my best friends are women. I have had some for over 40 years (uni friends). Occasionally, way back when, we may have fancied one another at different times, or wanted more. But definitely just strong platonic friendships for decades through marriages, children etc etc

I think since men and women have enjoyed equality at universities and in the work place, they have enjoyed platonic friendships.

I just don’t believe you have any evidence to support that rather sad and reductive viewpoint.

Ok so now you know

have you blocked him?

Aha, he gave you the big "O".

In your case, it's a pity he isn't so enthusiastic anymore.

No, I don't miss it; however, remembering my lascivious adventures makes me laugh at the best of times.

Sex with DH far exceeds my casual adventures, and it feels different.

Of course she hasn't. The man involved here wants a quick shag now and again. Nothing else.

(Men - in spite of one here telling us they aren't apparently like this - very much are indeed like this.

They literally stick their dicks into holes in walls.)

Seems to me that this is obvious and instead of accepting it, parking her ego, picking herself up and moving on she wants to overanalyze the heck out of it.

She needs to move on and stop going on about nonsense like 'connection' with a guy she's met a few times for sex.

I felt a bit sorry for her at first now it's just irritating.

Do you miss it now long term married?

I enjoy the sex, yes. I have genuinely had a good time when I’ve been with him.

He knew what he was doing, said the right things at the time, made me orgasm. So it was good sex.

Yes, I tried, then a week maybe two later some excuse, “lost my phone” “didn’t see the message”

Yes, absolutely, I can. I think this is part of the thrill for those who enjoy casual sex.

I remember the time I locked eyes with a really attractive guy in the gym, and I was certainly aroused. We kept making eye contact throughout our workouts.

He took me out for dinner on a few occasions, and we had amazing sex.