AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

Sorry what. Seriously. Just go away. If you think I'm being harsh on her you should read some of the comments that were deleted. I don't give a shiny shit. Its got nothing to do with whether I approve or not. Don't tell people how they feel or think. It's not a good look

What do you mean I know it. Im not the person in this situation. She stated earlier in the thread that all she wanted was to get her needs met. She also seems to be concerned probably because of some of the nastier comments on here that if he doesn't do small talk it makes her look bad. They don't know one another. This is the biggest thing. They've met three times

No she didn’t. She said she wanted connection and sex.

You just want to stick the boot in because you don’t approve. I hope she’s ignoring you.

But you said to this guy that's all you wanted. Casual sex. You can't expect to have casual sex and for someone to be invested in your life too. That might be fine if he was a friend to you. A real friend who cares about you. This is some random guy you met on a dating app who is probably sleeping with other women too.

You can't force a complete stranger to be your friend or be interested in your life.

It’s not that it’s casual. And you know it. It’s because it’s cold and transactional.

Of course you can have fun, warm, friendly sex without it leading somewhere. But that’s not what he’s offering. Probably because he’s a misogynistic prick.

But she also said she just wanted sex and that's what she got

You basically made a rod for your own back. You said you were happy to have casual sex then you got upset when it was too casual. This guy is not your friend. He could have been sleeping with five other women and you would never know. You can't ask for a connection for someone who doesn't want it just to make you feel better about no strings sex. He could have a gf for all you know. You know zero about him

I agree. A lot of people are very black and white about FWB on MN. If you have such a relationship then the man doesn’t even need to have any manners. And if you expect that you’re either naive or deserve what you get.

Personally I think that’s hogwash. I’m sure there are men that don’t want commitment but can manage conversations and the odd drink out. The point with FWB is there’s no development in the relationship; you’re not expecting it to go somewhere or have more commitment over time. It doesn’t mean he gets to treat you like a piece of meat or you him or at least it shouldn’t do.

I just don’t get how it’s sexy with no flirting, laughing, bonding. It’s so transactional. Yuck.

You are being treated how you allow him to treat you.

Yes not a friend at all.

Just free sex on tap when wanted after a text message. You feel used because you are used.

You're not always going to get that. What you are essentially looking for is a boyfriend. Not a no strings sex based relationship

So the extra communication makes you feel better about sleeping with someone casually and someone you don't know very well?

He wasn't a friend with benefits. He was a random guy she went for a drink with and then slept with

I don't think that terminology helps either although I'm aware other people said it. You wanted sex you got it. If you really do want a friends with benefits arrangement rather than the one you had then you are better off sleeping with a male friend. Someone you know rather than some random guy you met once then slept with. You don't know this guy. You know nothing about him. He's a complete stranger you met online. He owes you nothing and you owe him nothing. If you can't cope with feeling like this then casual sex like this isn't for you and that's fine.

If there is one thing ive learned its that men and women need to listen to what each other is saying and accept it .. don't pull things apart and hope for something different.
Listen... he just wants sex you have changed not him .. he told you in the beginning what he wanted.
Accept it or put a stop to the situation..its really simple and it saves these pointless feelings.. I guess life experience teaches this.

Then why are you whinging he didn’t give you more and text you etc?

What a complete waste of time this thread has been 😆

But you didn’t

the thread is about you wanting more than just sex

Why are you doing it ? A friend with benefits is supposed to benefit both parts , if it’s leaving you feeling bad walk away .

He said casual and that's what you're getting. He has not been using you, he was quite clear and you agreed. If it's not what you want, time to stop replying and hooking up