AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

@TotaleclipseinFrance ,

‘I don't think you have any deep understanding of female nature at all. In fact I think you know very little.’

You thought about me all night just to have a go at a personal attack on an anonymous site?! I mean, whatever floats your boat, but it seems a little odd.

I don’t think I have claimed some special knowledge about ‘female nature’, other than there isn’t an identikit and they are actual individuals and we should probably take them at their word.

‘In fact he's probably witnessed the dark side of female nature.
Women sleeping with him on their hen night.
I didn't do this. I didn't even have a hen night. But, yes, I've seen this happen when I've been on hen nights.’

OMG, stop the press! Drunk women sometimes have drunken sex with strangers. Not sure I’d call that a ‘dark side’, other than our drinking culture.

’Since she has revealed that he has given her an orgasm and the sex is mind-blowing it it patently obvious that she wants more now. Patently obvious.’

Now, in addition to attacking me, you have decided to have a go at the OP (and women in general) and call the OP a liar. She said the sex was good, not mind blowing. And he gave her an orgasm. Orgasms aren’t that rare nor most women that desperate that they are instantly addicted to a man who has given her one; they’re not crack cocaine. She has said that she has blocked him. What, precisely, don’t you understand about that?

‘I suspect that you're one of those men always ready to be the shoulder to cry on for your female friends but not really reading between the lines with a cynical ear.’

I’m not sure that is much of a criticism, really. Why would I want to ‘read between the lines’ of someone who wants support and comfort? Are you middle aged woman still addicted to ‘bad boys’?

Could it not just be that he met the Op, doesn’t want to pursue any kind of relationship, not interested in her in any shape or form but just fancies off meet up for purely sex when he has nothing better to do (hence every few weeks)?

To me it sounds like he indeed has a wife or girlfriend at home and I think likely blocked/muted you between fucks. When he had some free time away from his partner he’d message you for sex then not contact you till he fancied it again. Not nice to think of if this way but you were essentially a free sex worker.

And an extremely good one.
He understands women.
Don't get too close to a fuckbuddy/fwb being a rule he very, very wisely lives by.

For goodness sake, the entire point of a fwb/fb situation is that there is no bonding.

I meant for the rest of us

If you are as clear about what you want in RL as you have been on this thread @AdeptLilacHare , no wonder he got the wrong end of the stick.

I don't think you have any deep understanding of female nature at all. In fact I think you know very little.

In my opinion, This 'fuckboy' here, as rude as he is, has more of a clue than you do.
In fact he's probably witnessed the dark side of female nature.
Women sleeping with him on their hen night.
I didn't do this. I didn't even have a hen night. But, yes, I've seen this happen when I've been on hen nights.
I've witnessed women going off to have sex with men within minutes of meeting them while their doting, dutiful, kind and decent, always listens to them, but boring husband is at home with the children.

Since she has revealed that he has given her an orgasm and the sex is mind-blowing it it patently obvious that she wants more now. Patently obvious.

This is how most women are.

And if they are not well so what that he's not texting every 5 seconds, the sex more than makes up for it.

I suspect that you're one of those men always ready to be the shoulder to cry on for your female friends but not really reading between the lines with a cynical ear.

Sounds like you are missing the friends part. Were you friends first? Do you message him and he doesn't reply? You are both sorting a need you both have, but it's one sided. You need to connect on an emotional level to. Find someone else, someone who makes time for you

Sounds like its sex without payment.

I’ve had this exact arrangement with one man for more than five years now, but this is exactly what I asked for and he obliged. The only time we have pillow talk is during the refractory period in between rounds one and two and if I’m lucky round three! The only texting we do is to make arrangements for our next meeting and occasionally a little dirty talk leading up to the event. A month without any contact at all is normal for us.

If you didn’t define the relationship you really wanted in the beginning then that’s on you. Are you catching feelings and expecting more now? I agree with others that this isn’t FWB, it’s just casual sex.

I don't agree. Most of the men I encountered on dating sites were looking for long term and not FWB. Of course FWB suits some people better but plenty of people do want traditional relationships as it were.

There are loads of men who want exactly this. No commitment/ relationship but to go out together for drinks or a meal, chat regularly and have sex. If anything, I’d say that the majority of men on online dating would prefer this over anything else. And as a woman looking for fairly casual sex you have loads of choice and can set out exactly what you want.

I have had fwbs where we went for dinner, to concerts, on weekends away and talked about everything and were exclusive. But it wasn’t really a relationship in the traditional sense because it wasn’t progressing anywhere and we only saw each other every few weeks. I’ve had guys where we just had sex but chatted a lot in between. And arrangements in between those two.

I wouldn’t want casual sex with someone who didn’t talk in between and wouldn’t have a drink with me. It wouldn’t do anything for me. But if you’re not looking for a traditional relationship I do think you need to communicate clearly what you’re looking for.

Well from what you've said I am proud of you for blocking him 👏 You are allowed to ask for the bare minimum of respect while still only having casual sex, so well done you!

How old is he? We all know men don't mature as quick as us 🤣 Hmm so maybe he does have someone. Do you live in a city, or more rural where everyone tends to know each other? Might be worth doing some digging to see if you have any mutual acquaintances?

Pretty sure he's done this to plenty other women. He's a player

Hi, it does sound like he is only after one thing, which I know you don't want anything more serious, but I would totally understand why you would want at the very least some conversation between meet ups! Are you two similar age? If he is younger maybe he is just immature? Do you live near each other? I was thinking maybe he has a partner/wife that he didn't mention and he only contacts you when she is going away?

My point is you aren't going to establish a connection with someone in three meets. You slept with him the second time you met yes. You didn't know him and he didn't know you. Surely connections take time