Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

807 replies

AdeptLilacHare · 12/09/2026 11:38

I just wanted someone to shed some light on FWB situations. So, I’ve met this guy 3 times now just for sex, nothing more. But literally we just meet for sex, there’s texting up until and around the actual meet mainly just trying to find when we’re both free, who’s hosting etc. then we meet for sex then nothing. No text after, no casual conversation in between nothing at all. Then in about 2/3 weeks I’ll get a “when are you next free” text
I have to clarify I’ve never done this before I’ve always had relationships which is obviously completely different and I aware that I shouldn’t expect much more than casual sex which is fine. But, literally just sex and no actual chatting or hanging out in between is making me feel a little used. I’m unsure how to feel do I just accept this for what it is, what’s everyone’s experiences on similar situations? Am I just expecting too much for something that’s supposed to be casual?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Notsosweetcaroline · 21/09/2026 17:09

Thebigarsedbitch · 21/09/2026 16:57

My God, you are getting so much stick on here OP and it seems to be coming from some very judgemental people. I've had a FWB situation in the past because it suited me to have one at that particular time, but it was conducted with a bit of decorum, which is what I think you were expecting - not unreasonably in my view. We used to meet every month or so, have a drink.or a meal before doing the deed and then lie and chat for a bit after. Sometimes it would be an all nighter. We did text and phone in between times too. We were always clear that we didn't want or expect it to go anywhere but remained friendly even when the sex ended. Now, even 20 years later, we are still in touch and swap the occasional text or email. I still think very fondly of our little interludes. To me that is a proper FWB arrangement and I'm sorry you didn't have that, but as you say, the lesson is learned and you are very sensibly moving on. There's no need at all for the fuss some people are making. I wish you better luck next time around.

But she didn’t have a fwb situation, he didn’t suggest such a thing and she didn’t request it, he suggested casual sex and she agreed,

Thebigarsedbitch · 21/09/2026 16:57

My God, you are getting so much stick on here OP and it seems to be coming from some very judgemental people. I've had a FWB situation in the past because it suited me to have one at that particular time, but it was conducted with a bit of decorum, which is what I think you were expecting - not unreasonably in my view. We used to meet every month or so, have a drink.or a meal before doing the deed and then lie and chat for a bit after. Sometimes it would be an all nighter. We did text and phone in between times too. We were always clear that we didn't want or expect it to go anywhere but remained friendly even when the sex ended. Now, even 20 years later, we are still in touch and swap the occasional text or email. I still think very fondly of our little interludes. To me that is a proper FWB arrangement and I'm sorry you didn't have that, but as you say, the lesson is learned and you are very sensibly moving on. There's no need at all for the fuss some people are making. I wish you better luck next time around.

Morninginesa · 18/09/2026 09:45

AdeptLilacHare · 17/09/2026 19:13

I don’t want a relationship so no I wouldn’t swipe left

Show quote history

Why don’t you want a relationship? You want sex, who want a connection and to chat. Any particular reason why not?

Any joy since being back on the apps?

Original poster
AdeptLilacHare · 17/09/2026 19:13

Busymorn · 17/09/2026 14:51

If you saw someone on the dating app that you liked @AdeptLilacHare but they were looking for a proper relationship rather than a FWB scenario - would you swipe left? Are you only looking for a FWB scenario hence your profile saying as such?

I don’t want a relationship so no I wouldn’t swipe left

OP posts:
Busymorn · 17/09/2026 14:51

If you saw someone on the dating app that you liked @AdeptLilacHare but they were looking for a proper relationship rather than a FWB scenario - would you swipe left? Are you only looking for a FWB scenario hence your profile saying as such?

Luvaplan · 16/09/2026 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BlueFahrenheit · 16/09/2026 14:58

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Clutch your pearls 🤭

Luvaplan · 16/09/2026 14:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BlueFahrenheit · 16/09/2026 14:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I'll always get my way, too.

You don't need to get triggered.

Luvaplan · 16/09/2026 14:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BlueFahrenheit · 16/09/2026 13:25

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I don't care 🤷‍♀️

We have an amazing sex life. He gets his way; I get my way.

Luvaplan · 16/09/2026 12:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BlueFahrenheit · 16/09/2026 12:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

As I said, my DH wouldn't make a post on Mumsnet.

Luvaplan · 16/09/2026 12:03

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BlueFahrenheit · 16/09/2026 11:41

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

If he didn't want sex, he wouldn't be having sex with me, would he?

He wouldn't start a thread on Mumsnet.

Silly 🤢

BlueFahrenheit · 16/09/2026 11:38

Mugsey62 · 15/09/2026 18:24

Well that's nirvana isn't it? Easygoing, not looking for commitment but fun to be around, brilliant lover. Where do I sign?

Show quote history

You may have to kiss a few frogs to begin with!

Luvaplan · 16/09/2026 07:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Mugsey62 · 15/09/2026 18:24

BlueFahrenheit · 15/09/2026 09:50

Honest, open discussions are necessary; however, finding someone transparent like this is the challenge.

Show quote history

Well that's nirvana isn't it? Easygoing, not looking for commitment but fun to be around, brilliant lover. Where do I sign?

Original poster
AdeptLilacHare · 15/09/2026 14:54

TotaleclipseinFrance · 15/09/2026 14:50

@AdeptLilacHare is this thread acting as therapy for you? If so fair enough.

There's not really much more to be said though.

You can't force him to interact with you.
You can't force - and should NOT-force a person into into communicating with you, either.

I don't know what you expect at this point. He was not communicative. Not great but so what? I mean really, so what?

What do you want anybody to do? Pass a fb/fwb code of conduct or something. 😁

As long as the sex was consensual, that's all most reasonable people outside the situation care about.

You must have by now spent more time complaining about him on mumsnet and chatting about it with mumsnetters than you did with him!

I was just answering people’s questions really wasn’t expecting anyone to do anything 😅

OP posts:
TotaleclipseinFrance · 15/09/2026 14:50

@AdeptLilacHare is this thread acting as therapy for you? If so fair enough.

There's not really much more to be said though.

You can't force him to interact with you.
You can't force - and should NOT-force a person into into communicating with you, either.

I don't know what you expect at this point. He was not communicative. Not great but so what? I mean really, so what?

What do you want anybody to do? Pass a fb/fwb code of conduct or something. 😁

As long as the sex was consensual, that's all most reasonable people outside the situation care about.

You must have by now spent more time complaining about him on mumsnet and chatting about it with mumsnetters than you did with him!

Original poster
AdeptLilacHare · 15/09/2026 14:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Yes exactly

OP posts:
Original poster
AdeptLilacHare · 15/09/2026 14:34

YourGoldLurker · 15/09/2026 14:32

But you still wanted to shag him?

Show quote history

I don’t necessarily find immaturity unattractive, I have a stupid, silly sense of humour and I’m a big kid, I have childish interests so wouldn’t say I’m particularly mature either

OP posts:
Wentforyo · 15/09/2026 14:34

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Wentforyo · 15/09/2026 14:32

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

YourGoldLurker · 15/09/2026 14:32

AdeptLilacHare · 15/09/2026 14:31

He chatted for hours as I’d said. Phone calls and texts before meeting

Edited
Show quote history

But you still wanted to shag him?