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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Fed Up Woman

57 replies

fuw · 12/09/2026 10:29

DH is workaholic. Manual job Mon-Fr. And additional private work Sat (always) and Sunday (almost every). Think, plumber.
We had 1 property with small mortgage left, when 5 y ago we bought another property (with huge mortgage) to live and turned our first property into rental- which for 4y was very unsuccessful when my DH has let his distant family members rent it (against my wishes) and said family members did not pay rent. It took court proceedings to get them out in the end- by which time my DH was burrying his head in the sand and let me deal with the courts, as he didn’t know how to deal with the situation. All 4.5 years he was paying both mortgages. Rental only became profitable since April this year. In January both mortgages are coming to the end of cheap deal and will increase considerably.
And here comes my AIBU- I want us to sell the rental, pay off our mortgage (it will cover!) and live mortgage free with spare cash to save. We haven’t been to proper holiday for 5y, had to watch every penny and I am frankly fed up living my life like that! With the mortgages increased the rental will not cover the costs and we will be paying about £1.5k a months in mortgage payments additionally. I don’t see the point to keep the rental
property and live bellow acceptable level, where I have to make ends meet and think that I have to save for couple of months just to buy myself winter shoes!
Besides, our new house is not finished yet, there are some things we can not afford and will not be able to afford in the future.
I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I think it would be better to divorce, get half of everything and leave him to it! As he thinks life is for working and earning as much money as he can.
Both properties in both names. He is paying both mortgages, I pay for food, clothes and all the bills in our home. I have no personal savings.
What would you suggest I do?

OP posts:
SummerFeverVenice · 12/09/2026 11:16

Bonkers1966 · 12/09/2026 11:10

Remind him of the assets he will lose in the event of marital breakdown. Everything seems to be very much his way. Does he understand that you are not just a housekeeper making his life easier? You actually have rights and opinions.

Threats of divorce is actually listed as a sign of domestic abuse so I would not do this as a calculated bluff to shut down conversation and get your way. I agree he seems very inflexible, but this isn’t the way to break a deadlock.

Prunesrlush · 12/09/2026 11:15

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Thank you! I thought I was going insane!

SummerFeverVenice · 12/09/2026 11:14

fuw · 12/09/2026 11:00

I already work 24h pw. Can not up my hours anymore as I am single-handedly look after Dcs and home. DH is hardly ever home. He never cooks, cleans or shops for family.

Of course you can up your hours. What do you think single parents do? Preteen DCs should be pitching in with the house cleaning, be learning to cook dinner one night an week and be largely self sufficient.

MaggieMop · 12/09/2026 11:14

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MaggieMop · 12/09/2026 11:13

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MaggieMop · 12/09/2026 11:11

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Bonkers1966 · 12/09/2026 11:10

Remind him of the assets he will lose in the event of marital breakdown. Everything seems to be very much his way. Does he understand that you are not just a housekeeper making his life easier? You actually have rights and opinions.

TVonyable · 12/09/2026 11:08

Landlords are off loading property at the moment, affecting housing market, so you wouldn’t get an easy sale. I would hold onto to rental but annual increase to improve profit.

surely pressure is off now that you have paying tenants? Put some money away for a holiday? Fun times? It sounds like you are through the worst? Have you got landlord insurance to recover costs?

TruffleSlinky · 12/09/2026 11:07

So when you suggest selling and using the proceeds to pay off your mortgage, what does he say? Does he refuse to even consider it?

I do agree with pp that you could increase your hours if you want more money.

PollyBell · 12/09/2026 11:06

fuw · 12/09/2026 11:00

I already work 24h pw. Can not up my hours anymore as I am single-handedly look after Dcs and home. DH is hardly ever home. He never cooks, cleans or shops for family.

You want more you work more same as men do

JustHavinABreak · 12/09/2026 11:06

It's easy to make your DH the bad guy here but you're not exactly covering yourself in glory. Your OP was missing major details and yet you insisted it wasn't. Your working part time hours is part of the problem.

Prunesrlush · 12/09/2026 11:04

Oh don’t be silly. Of course you can up your hours! You choose not to. Your kids are at school, yes? Pre teens

PS you didn’t say you had pre teens in your Op !!

fuw · 12/09/2026 11:00

Prunesrlush · 12/09/2026 10:56

So up your hours for more family money so you can afford more of the fun stuff in life

I already work 24h pw. Can not up my hours anymore as I am single-handedly look after Dcs and home. DH is hardly ever home. He never cooks, cleans or shops for family.

OP posts:
Prunesrlush · 12/09/2026 10:59

It’s weird you want more in life

but you work part time

SummerFeverVenice · 12/09/2026 10:58

Prunesrlush · 12/09/2026 10:56

So up your hours for more family money so you can afford more of the fun stuff in life

I agree, you’re only working part time, work full time.
Then he may feel less pressure to meet life goals of making sure your DC get the best start in life by himself.

Prunesrlush · 12/09/2026 10:57

We haven’t been to proper holiday for 5y, had to watch every penny

if you didn’t work part time, perhaps you’d have more money to spend on a. Holiday

SummerFeverVenice · 12/09/2026 10:57

He wants to leave a house each for our 2 DCs.

That is a great goal, but it doesn’t have to be physical houses that you own. Wouldn’t his DC rather have the cash to choose their own home? What if they move away? What good is it inheriting this rental property when they’d have to go through the fuss of selling it (paying stamp duty, commission, capital gains taxes etc) when he could just have money invested that you guys can gift them instead?

I guess show him a better way to reach the goal of house for each DC.

Prunesrlush · 12/09/2026 10:57

fuw · 12/09/2026 10:53

It says in my OP: 2 preteens DCs. And I work part time.

No you don’t say this!! Read your own op

fuw · 12/09/2026 10:56

Prunesrlush · 12/09/2026 10:47

my DH has let his distant family members rent it (against my wishes)

why was this against your wishes?

Because I knew we will be having problems with rent, as family members are not very responsible people. And I was right.

OP posts:
Prunesrlush · 12/09/2026 10:56

fuw · 12/09/2026 10:53

It says in my OP: 2 preteens DCs. And I work part time.

So up your hours for more family money so you can afford more of the fun stuff in life

SummerFeverVenice · 12/09/2026 10:54

As he is a workaholic who thinks life is for earning as much as you can, you’d be able to convince him to sell the rental if you can make a case for it being the best financial move. Don’t tie it into extra time off.

Say that extra money could go into investments or pensions.
Say that the government has made being a landlord too expensive.
Say that getting monthly bills down and savings up would be a good safety net in the event he is injured at work.

The truth is he won’t be able to work 6 days a week at a manual job until state pension age. His body will wear out. He will need to slow down and that might be why he is making hay while the sun shines.

You could also ask him to name a number, a goal, like pension pot worth £500k and after that slow down to 5 days a week.

fuw · 12/09/2026 10:53

Prunesrlush · 12/09/2026 10:45

No you don’t

It says in my OP: 2 preteens DCs. And I work part time.

OP posts:
Prunesrlush · 12/09/2026 10:53

DailyPlanner · 12/09/2026 10:49

doing any kind of business with family members is recipe for disaster. As proven here.

Not in my family . Thankfully

fuw · 12/09/2026 10:51

LilyBunch25 · 12/09/2026 10:34

Basically sit him down and tell him what you've posted here! I see no point struggling like this just to continue being landlords. He definitely needs a discussion about work life balance. What about actually enjoying life...? It's evident that's possible if you sell the rental. Work to live not live to work- if your other circumstances meant there was no choice but to struggle I'd say yes thats just how it is, but it obviously isn't. Life is short and you never know what's around the corner. I say this from bitter experience of having a DH that became extremely permanently unwell 5 years ago; it changed my perspective hugely.

I have sat him down and tried to speak with him twice already. Both times he told me that ‘property is an asset’ and he is not prepared to ‘dispose of it’. I did tell him that his ‘asset’ will put us in the red permanently, but his argument was- he ‘worked hard to buy 2 houses and he is keeping them’. According to him, selling 1 property would be a step back. He wants to leave a house each for our 2 DCs. And I want to live and not struggle financially for the rest of my working life.

OP posts:
DailyPlanner · 12/09/2026 10:49

Prunesrlush · 12/09/2026 10:47

my DH has let his distant family members rent it (against my wishes)

why was this against your wishes?

doing any kind of business with family members is recipe for disaster. As proven here.

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