The mum thinks I'm being petty, but I don't want to drive her kid

Hasn't the mother heard of taxis? I don't drive so if I needed to get my kid somewhere, I book a cab.

With a child who blatantly ignores me when I'm giving them instructions, I wouldn't do anything with that kid again. Disobedience is insufferable and I wouldn't tolerate it in my own kid or expect anyone else to put up with him if he was being like that. So tiresome.

If you're not going to parent your child adequately, expect the consequences of other parents being unwilling to help you out with them.

I wouldn't drive her either, not your problem they can't get places without someone else driving them. Yanbu.

Yes it was an episode of bad behaviour between sisters and the little one didn’t heed you. Shitty but it happens. Kids can be awful

I think a year is enough to make your point. Either end the friendship or move on and be the grown up here.

YANBU OP. Don't drive the 7yr old. I would keep driving the older sister, so she knows someone is on her side.

I think the people suggesting the 7yr old has changed possibly haven't met this type of kid before. If they've been indulged/not disciplined since birth, their parents aren't suddenly going to have changed their parenting style. And the child won't become better behaved just because they are older.

I would absolutely not be driving the brat anywhere, at any time. I'm not her mum, I don't have to endure her if I don't want to.

This is good advice, I really feel for the older daughter 😢. I think giving a chance to change is a good idea but I would make it crystal clear the older daughter is welcome with you (and at your house) but due to the situation being dangerous when dealing with the younger daughter you will take her this once as long as you have a guarantee that won’t happen…. 🫤

I would stand your ground - not just for your own safety and sanity, but because it shows the 14 year old that she has at least one person on her side. How must that poor girl feel when her own parents, especially her mother, are so unsupportive.

She can't parent and it putting it on to you i am not sure how you can stay friends

Say you can take the 14yo but can only take the 7yo if her mum goes too. That way if anything happens the mum is there to be responsible for the 7yo

Definitely stand your ground. The Mum probably needs some family therapy and parenting classes. I had a friend like this and it didn't turn out well for the younger child when they became a teenager.

I would maybe do this trip but make it very clear that if the younger one is badly behaved you will not do it again. Tell the younger child this too and what your expectations for behaviour are at the start

It’s been a year, OP, and the child is seven or perhaps eight by now.

I think not driving her for a year was fine; she needed a serious consequence. However banning her indefinitely is denying the possibility that her behaviour can improve. That’s really sad.

I would tell the mum and girl that I would be willing to give it one try, but this is an experiment. If the girl is not on her best behaviour in my car it will be another year before I let her in it again. I would remind them that I’ve done this once, I can do it again.

Good luck with this.

If a passage of time has passed i would offer just this once and see how it is, a year is a long time when so young , she may have grown up a bit

I would continue to give the older one lifts, but as a PP said, the younger one is a distraction when you driving and so NO.
The older one sounds like she needs a sympathetic adult. You sound like a safe pair of hands.

It seems quite strange to me that you view the 14 year old as so totally at the mercy of a child 7 years younger. That doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.

You’re taking this awfully personally, too. Is it reminding you of something in your own life?

I mean, a year of refusing to give the 7 year old lifts because of her teasing her sister once seems quite extreme to me, but maybe it’s more that you don’t want to be their default lift giver, anyway? I don’t blame you. As a non-driver myself, I get myself and my child to places via public transport or taxis and refuse invitations etc if that’s not possible, and it’s quite entitled of the other mother to expect lifts a lot, regardless of the 7 year old. Maybe just stop giving them lifts altogether?

Her boldfaced attitude by hassling you to change your mind fits with her shit parenting style. I'd be too embarrassed to ask you anything ever again if my child had behaved so badly. Stop talking to her, she's awful.

Given the 7 year old sounds massive spoilt and indulged by her parents, it wont hurt her to not get what she wants for once. Stick to your guns.
Also, sounds like she cant be trusted to not cause a massive distraction while you are driving and is therefore a safety risk to you and your children. Thats what id be saying to the mum.
If there are no consequences, neither she or her mum will ever learn. She is not a child living in an abusive home environment with no joy, which would make me more sympathetic. She will survive not being able to go just fine.

Stand by your decision
Parent sounds awful as does the child, but not her fault obviously

It will just carry on and on if you dontxstand firm

" Xs behaviour is making it unsafe when Im driving, No"
Then a firm No that doesnt work for me if she carries on

You're in the right. I would just take the older one.

The 7yo sounds awful, thanks to her DM’s lax parenting. I’d say you’re already giving someone else a lift so perhaps see you there later on - and you’re not going home straight away afterwards so you can’t do the return journey either.