Page 6 | The mum thinks I'm being petty, but I don't want to drive her kid

TFImBackIn · 12/09/2026 11:33

I'd say that I would take the older girl as she's always so well behaved, but you don't feel safe driving when the younger one is so badly behaved.

Noshowlomo · 12/09/2026 11:33

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fashionqueen0123 · 12/09/2026 11:28

Id say she can have one more chance, or that the mum needs to come in the car too.

ByLilacMember · 12/09/2026 11:28

They can take a taxi. Their kids getting somewhere is still their responsibility

Grammarnut · 12/09/2026 11:25

Why was the older girl punished for her sister's bad behaviour? That is awful parenting. Don't give the noxious 7 year old a lift ever (excluding life or death, I suppose).

pinkdelight · 12/09/2026 11:24

The mum has again asked for a lift and it will be difficult for them to get there without someone driving them.

How on earth is this your problem? Regardless of what happened and how poorly she parents her 7yo, I'd be pissed off at her entitlement and 'taker' attitude. You don't exist to chauffeur them around. She needs to use taxis or public transport or some other solution that is entirely her own responsibility.

BeKindButBeFierce · 12/09/2026 11:21

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all!

How long ago did it happen? Has there been a long enough time and realisation from brat features that you did follow through and for her to realise that she has been disadvantaged as a result of her previous behaviour?

If the event is this evening, hopefully the thought and disappointment that she may be missing out, again, because of her previous actions may be enough to focus her mind on behaving appropriately if you do come to the rescue and agree to take her.

If you do, read her the riot act. No warnings. Any mucking around and you’ll stop the car, her mum will need to get in an Uber and fetch her from the side of the road and it really will be never, ever again(!)

Sess249 · 12/09/2026 11:21

PinkPanther50 · 12/09/2026 10:42

Say you can take the 14yo but can only take the 7yo if her mum goes too. That way if anything happens the mum is there to be responsible for the 7yo

Yes if you decide to relent on your ban go down this route, then if 7yr old doesn’t behave you can calmly pull the car over, get out, open the doors and make the mum and 7 yr old get out . After that she may never ask you for a lift again, which may or may not feel like a win

Original poster

AvacadoChic · 12/09/2026 11:16

SummerFeverVenice · 12/09/2026 11:04

Stick to your decision. You are the only adult who is looking out for the 14yo. Her mother even sent her to her room for being bullied by her sister!

I cringe to think what her home life must be like.

The 14yr old needs at least one space where she is safe from her sister.

Yes, she said they were both sent to their rooms. I replied that the older one did nothing wrong but I don't know if that changed anything. I didn't ask for updates. I think she was just annoyed at the situation so punished them both for annoying me, I don't think she was interested in the details of who did what.

OP posts:

minipie · 12/09/2026 11:14

How do you know her behaviour hasn’t changed? Have you seen them and seen the same behaviour recently?

How open were you about the behaviour- did you just say that the younger one was badly behaved or did you say she was being mean to her older sister and seems to do this a lot? Basically, does the mum actually know what the problem is and that it’s ongoing not a one off?

BrillantBriony · 12/09/2026 11:13

No don’t give the 7yo a lift. The mother is clearly not able to discipline the child threrefore she needs to learn from the outside world that her toxic behaviour wont be tolerated. Sounds like the 14yo is lucky to have you, and you probably provide the only kind/empathic adult interaction she has! Protect that. Enjoy your night.

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/09/2026 11:09

I wouldn’t stay friends with the mum. She’s a bloody awful parent and I wouldn’t want my kids around her horrible 7 year old. So definitely stick to your ground about no lifts as a bare minimum.

Keyleads · 12/09/2026 11:09

Absolutely do not move on this at all.
In fact, I would go further and quietly tell the 14 year old that you're always there for her if she needs you.
Punishing both of them for the 7 year olds behaviour is disgraceful.
Poor child.

Spell it out to her that you have committed to this and you wouldn't dream of giving your children mixed messages.

At the core of my parenting my 4 children was they knew if I said something, i meant it.

It made life easier as they 100% believed I would follow through.

It meant they didn't mess about.

I removed the ps4 only once when the boys were bickering rather than negotiating.
It was unavailable all weekend.
It never happened again, they sorted it out between them.

My friends bought 2 ps4's so everyone was happy, but I believe sharing was the better way.

Stick to your guns.

Toomanyskittles · 12/09/2026 11:08

I think a year is long enough. A seven year old deserves a second chance.

Also…could it mean that the 14 year old won’t get to the event either if her sister can’t go?

BrezhnevsLuxuriantEyebrows · 12/09/2026 11:06

When I dropped them off, I told the mum, who later text me to say she had sent both girls to their rooms and that she is very sorry.

Wait a minute... so she punished her 7yo for her mean, poor behaviour choices, in spite of being told repeatedly to stop; and she punished her 14yo for being a 14yo and wearing appropriate clothing?

That poor older girl must already have issues and will clearly understand just how much less her mum loves and cares about her than her little sister. What a horrible woman.

Katflapkit · 12/09/2026 11:05

As your friend doesn't have a car and is in need of lifts, it's not her place to dictate who gets to go in your car. Her daughter's misbehaving was a distraction you didn't need whilst driving.

Did your friend make the child apologise?

To be honest, it sounds like the 14 year could do with a break from the sister.

GoldenSandy · 12/09/2026 11:05

AvacadoChic · 12/09/2026 10:12

I have a friend with two daughters. One is 14 and the other is 7. The 7 year old took a long time to conceive and the mum was delighted when she was finally pregnant, as a result the girl is very doted on. The 14 year old is treated more like a nusiance and in my opinion, the 7 year old is allowed to be quite unkind to her.

The 7 year old doesn't follow rules and has been banned from my house in the past for things like taking my make up and using it to paint my son's wall and mirror while the adults were downstairs. The mum has always been strict with the older child, but not at all with the younger one. The mum did clean up the mess, but the child wasn't at all bothered.

About a year ago I was giving them both a lift along with my own kids and the 7 year old started laughing at the 14 year old for wearing a bra, and the older girl became really embarrassed and uncomfortable. I kept telling the younger one to stop, but that made her say it even more and louder. I told her to stop shouting while I'm driving but she just continued. If she had have been older, I'd have kicked her out of the car, but I couldn't, so I continued to drive her home. By the end of the journey, I was so angry as she had humiliated her sister in front of her friends and laughed at my attempts at discipline. At one point in the journey, I said that if she doesn't stop now, she is never getting in my car again, which was a bit over the top, but I had run out of anything else to say. But anyway, that did nothing.

When I dropped them off, I told the mum, who later text me to say she had sent both girls to their rooms and that she is very sorry. The family don't have a car and I have continued to offer the older girl lifts but have refused to drive the younger one. The mum thinks I have made my point and should stop being so petty, but I think that the child is no better behaved now and if I back down on this, then she knows that she can behave however she likes with me.

This evening there is an event which my and her children are going to. The mum has again asked for a lift and it will be difficult for them to get there without someone driving them. It wouldn't be much out of my way to take them, but I don't want to back down on this. If another parent pickes them up, it will be more of a hassle than if I did it because we live so close together, but I don't want to be the kind of person who says one thing and then does another when people put pressure on me. AIBU?

Stick to your guns. Their mum needs to find a way of transporting her own kids reliably by now. It's been a year, why hasn't this woman learned to drive and got her own car if she doesn't think they can possibly be transported any other way?
I think it's a pisstake to expect lifts for years on end anyway.

I'm also confused as to why she sent both kids to their rooms with the 14yo had done nothing wrong. I would also keep giving the older child lifts, mostly so she has time away from a very toxic environment.

Thoughts and prayers for the 7yos teachers and future employers.

wantmorenow · 12/09/2026 11:05

Did the 7 year old actually apologise or face consequences from mum? If not I would expect an apology at the least before allowing her in the car and perhaps mum to come along too to supervise her. Tricky one.

Madamecholetsbonnet · 12/09/2026 11:05

YANBU. I would stick to my guns.

SummerFeverVenice · 12/09/2026 11:04

Stick to your decision. You are the only adult who is looking out for the 14yo. Her mother even sent her to her room for being bullied by her sister!

I cringe to think what her home life must be like.

The 14yr old needs at least one space where she is safe from her sister.

Mustreadabook · 12/09/2026 11:03

I think a year is long enough to stick to it. Tell her you will give one more chance after a year to see if the child has changed, and if she has not she won't get any lifts this year either.

Original poster

AvacadoChic · 12/09/2026 11:02

ShutteredUp · 12/09/2026 10:24

It seems quite strange to me that you view the 14 year old as so totally at the mercy of a child 7 years younger. That doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.

You’re taking this awfully personally, too. Is it reminding you of something in your own life?

I mean, a year of refusing to give the 7 year old lifts because of her teasing her sister once seems quite extreme to me, but maybe it’s more that you don’t want to be their default lift giver, anyway? I don’t blame you. As a non-driver myself, I get myself and my child to places via public transport or taxis and refuse invitations etc if that’s not possible, and it’s quite entitled of the other mother to expect lifts a lot, regardless of the 7 year old. Maybe just stop giving them lifts altogether?

Edited

She wasn't teasing her, that implies that is was in some way fun. And it wasn't once, as I said before, she is quite unkind to her sister. I think she is largely at the mercy of her sister. When they were little, the older child had to give in to the younger child because she's only a baby/toddler/much younger, but it's ended up meaning that the family have gotten into the habit of the older child always giving in and letting the younger child get her way. The younger one has a much stronger personality than the older one, so it's easier for the family to tell the older one to back down than face a battle with the younger one.

I wouldn't say I'm taking it personally, but it's horrible watching anyone being humiliated, let alone a child. I don't mind giving her or anyone a lift, even if they could drive, I think it's nice to lift share.

OP posts:

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 12/09/2026 11:01

I learnt long ago not to threaten to do something and then roll over. You said no, no, it is. Your car, your rules, and my DH regularly say 'another one on the list of that's not my problem!' Mum of the 7 year old has the issue, she needs to deal with it.

disturbia · 12/09/2026 10:59

I would sit with 7 yr old and Mum the day before and explain you will give them a lift but she must behave in the car no shouting etc. How have they been getting around during the past year? Or you could tell mum to get an Uber.

SukiPook · 12/09/2026 10:59

poetryandwine · 12/09/2026 10:33

It’s been a year, OP, and the child is seven or perhaps eight by now.

I think not driving her for a year was fine; she needed a serious consequence. However banning her indefinitely is denying the possibility that her behaviour can improve. That’s really sad.

I would tell the mum and girl that I would be willing to give it one try, but this is an experiment. If the girl is not on her best behaviour in my car it will be another year before I let her in it again. I would remind them that I’ve done this once, I can do it again.

Good luck with this.

I agree with this