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Original poster

AIBU to think sperm donors should consent before each embryo is used?

247 replies

VointofPiew · 12/09/2026 09:05

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cr5035eldr3o

I don't know about anyone else, but I find it bizarre that these women feel entitled to just go ahead and have someone's biological baby without their consent. Especially since law changes that mean children have the right to know who that person is.

I mean, do they really believe these men should just let it happen if they don't want it to? Are they trying to make it even less appealing to donate sperm knowing that women believe you should have no consent over what happens after you provide the donation?

If they really wanted to be able to just use these embryos whenever they want, they should oppose laws which say children have the right to know their donor and fight for total anonymity for donors.

Two blonde, white women, one with her hair tied up and the other with her hair down, in big black coats, stand side by side with their arms around each other. Both are smiling and one of them is holding up a pregnancy test and her wedding ring is visib...

Wrexham couple spent £23,000 on fertility treatment but now embryos will be destroyed

Nat and Nik Fraser-Edwards want a change in the law so once an embryo has been made, a donor can't withdraw consent.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cr5035eldr3o

OP posts:
Dumbledora8 · 12/09/2026 09:55

They already gave their consent which meant embryos were created. Life was created and is now going to be destroyed because the donor changed his mind. You are being very unreasonable.

TwitchyNibbles · 12/09/2026 09:54

I can see both sides and there was always going to be an issue with historical donors who believed they would have anonymity and now suddenly wouldn't. A better solution would be to apply the law to identifying the donor only for new donations. Any already used to create embryos would be exempt.

Also who compensates the couples for the tens of thousands they have spent on their fertility treatments if the embryos have to be destroyed?

Original poster
VointofPiew · 12/09/2026 09:52

NeverIdealbutOptimised · 12/09/2026 09:49

There’s a selection and matching process before creating embryos it should be routine that at this point donors are asked to consent again.

Yes but then those embryos can be there for ages between creation and transfer. There is a lot you might discover about yourself in that time and/or the other parents.

OP posts:
SleeplessRoads · 12/09/2026 09:52

Anothercake · 12/09/2026 09:42

What do the guys think it's going to be used for when they donate, baking?!
No, they give consent. Then families spend a fuck tonne of money and emotional energy trying to have a baby. They don't need the extra headache of some hapless guy changing his mind.

People’s live change. Of course consent is withdrawable. They might have their own children and decide they don’t want them having more siblings and so withdraw consent. Their world views and values might change.

A woman can rightly withdraw consent to having another baby even once she’s pregnant, of course a sperm donor should be able to withdraw consent before it even gets that far.

Original poster
VointofPiew · 12/09/2026 09:51

LunaTheCat · 12/09/2026 09:48

that seems apalling .. but then should a woman who donates eggs be able to withdraw consent? … if so how is that different .. given that the process egg donation is much more arduous

I 100% support IVF for everyone who can have it but I do think a risk for prospective parents when using a donor should be that they may withdraw consent before transfer and that is their right.

OP posts:
Anarchy99 · 12/09/2026 09:50

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 12/09/2026 09:49

I think no one should be entitled to manufacture a baby in this way at all - from either side.

You will probably get flamed but I agree

NeverIdealbutOptimised · 12/09/2026 09:49

There’s a selection and matching process before creating embryos it should be routine that at this point donors are asked to consent again.

Anarchy99 · 12/09/2026 09:49

I think sperm donors are foolish. The law has already opened up the rights of the child in relation to knowing the identity of the donor. How long before they become liable for financial support etc?

I don’t know why anyone would risk donating now.

Original poster
VointofPiew · 12/09/2026 09:49

NeverIdealbutOptimised · 12/09/2026 09:48

They do. Any donor egg or sperm can withdraw consent at any point

Show quote history

Yes that's how it should be. The BBC are obviously reporting this in a way that suggests this is wrong and they should not be able to withdraw consent.

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 12/09/2026 09:49

I think no one should be entitled to manufacture a baby in this way at all - from either side.

Original poster
VointofPiew · 12/09/2026 09:48

Dithercats · 12/09/2026 09:47

I think once the embryo is created then the man can no longer withdraw consent.

I disagree. I think once it is transferred, then it becomes "her body, her choice".

OP posts:
Toomanyskittles · 12/09/2026 09:48

I also think it should be too late to withdraw consent once an embryo has been created.

NeverIdealbutOptimised · 12/09/2026 09:48

VointofPiew · 12/09/2026 09:47

I think women who donate eggs should have similar say over their genetic material.

Show quote history

They do. Any donor egg or sperm can withdraw consent at any point

LunaTheCat · 12/09/2026 09:48

that seems apalling .. but then should a woman who donates eggs be able to withdraw consent? … if so how is that different .. given that the process egg donation is much more arduous

NeverIdealbutOptimised · 12/09/2026 09:47

VointofPiew · 12/09/2026 09:46

Really?

I couldn't disagree more.

Show quote history

Yes I think that when someone donates eggs or sperm they should be regularly asked (say every year?) if they still consent then if their gametes are selected for use they should be asked again at that point before embryos are created. If they consent and then a couple have embryos they should then be legally theirs and the donor has no future say.

Original poster
VointofPiew · 12/09/2026 09:47

Anothercake · 12/09/2026 09:42

What do the guys think it's going to be used for when they donate, baking?!
No, they give consent. Then families spend a fuck tonne of money and emotional energy trying to have a baby. They don't need the extra headache of some hapless guy changing his mind.

I think women who donate eggs should have similar say over their genetic material.

OP posts:
Dithercats · 12/09/2026 09:47

I think once the embryo is created then the man can no longer withdraw consent.

Original poster
VointofPiew · 12/09/2026 09:47

LadyGAgain · 12/09/2026 09:46

What a strange post. The men consent when they donate their sperm.

So they should be able to consent once and then never allowed withdraw that consent for their sperm to be used again?

OP posts:
Original poster
VointofPiew · 12/09/2026 09:46

NeverIdealbutOptimised · 12/09/2026 09:44

I think the point at which embryos are created for a woman or couple is when the donors should no longer be able to withdraw consent. Failing that clinics need to be able to fully refund patients if this happens to them with embryos they have stored .

Really?

I couldn't disagree more.

OP posts:
LadyGAgain · 12/09/2026 09:46

What a strange post. The men consent when they donate their sperm.

NeverIdealbutOptimised · 12/09/2026 09:44

I think the point at which embryos are created for a woman or couple is when the donors should no longer be able to withdraw consent. Failing that clinics need to be able to fully refund patients if this happens to them with embryos they have stored .

Anothercake · 12/09/2026 09:42

What do the guys think it's going to be used for when they donate, baking?!
No, they give consent. Then families spend a fuck tonne of money and emotional energy trying to have a baby. They don't need the extra headache of some hapless guy changing his mind.

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