AIBU to suspect a colleague’s behaviour may relate to my nationality?

You're not unreasonable to suspect the link but colleagues can be dicks for all sorts of reasons. I'd screenshot the stuff you found but would avoid making a formal link unless she slips up. All you can really evidence for now is that she's (at best) incompetent and it needs addressing. Don't try and befriend her though, it won't work and will make you feel small.

Guess you don't live in the UK then because there is a lot of stupid people here who believe it is the same thing 🙄

we dont all share our partner's views but the rest of her actions speak to you

1. check your work social media policy, take screen shots and anonymously report if any violated, or even if not, most of time there is a reputation element depending on what is being shared, surely there is a client reputation element
2. speaks to manager in totally deniable conversation I’m so concerned about x, she is always lfive days behind in her emails.. feel so bad even mentioning but she must need support. For the 5th time I worked the weekend to make up for a lack of notice. It obviously wouldn’t just won’t me….I didn’t want to say anything but genuinely starting to get soo concerned (and of course have the reciepts)
3. Around time manager has time to have think about this she/he will also hear from hr about her fb activity…

Yes quite.

You could start 'helpfully' offering advice to aid her organisation skills. Eg Forming email groups so that you are not missed off the cc list.

'Oh Janet you've done it again, did you not manage to action my suggestion? I can show you if you like!?'

Kill her with kindness.

Hm. I think I would start gently pushing back so that you have a record of you trying to resolve this yourself and who knows perhaps she will out herself.

'Dear colleague, please ensure that you include me at the start along with everyone else so that I can complete the work in good time.'

'Dear colleague, the project deadline will need to be extended to Monday as I was only informed this morning. Please inform the client and cc me in or I can let them know myself. In future I will need more notice.'

Make it seem like you are questioning her competance rather then her motives.

Either she will change her behaviour as she's concerned about how it makes her look or you will then end up with a number of messages archived from you asking her to include you, contact you, 'helping' her by reminding her to do things on time etc.

At this point I would consider going to HR for an informal chat. That you have tried to gently correct her behaviour but now you are concerned that you have been singled out for some reason as you have x examples of treatment only against you. You have recently 'by chance' seen that her partner hold these views and fear that this may be the reason.

You know your work place better then us so only you can judge how your HR would deal with this. Say to HR you wanted to raise the issue in case things escalated and are seeking their advice about next steps.

OP, you must keep detailed notes but also start logging each of these incidents with her.
She thinks you haven't joined the dots, let her know that you have.

Next time it happens, specifically reference each and every time this has happened and ask that she requests work in a timely manner, not last minute.

You could also check with other staff if they get them last minute.
If not you can note that you have checked it out with colleagues.

Take screenshots of her partners posts.

Document everything, respond via email. If you are left out of things and there’s a delay in doing the task then email her and cc your manager on the third time. Say this keeps happening what can we do to help you make sure this doesn’t happen again. Keep the language neutral.
Frame it as her incompetence as you don’t have proof it’s racially motivated.

Really? Not even russia/Ukraine or Israel?
Do you live in a bubble?

Hey OP, I think your gut is probably right. The downside is unless your employer is big time into acknowledging and addressing micro aggressions you may not get much by raising it. As shown by the comments its not a thing everyone gets the impact of. (Altho tbh some of your examples are direct action to discredit you)
I would go with what you are probably already doing, directly responding w v neutral 'hi can you let me know why I was not on the meeting invitation?', asking questions rather than statements you must be included; so you look curious and constructive not reactive and stroppy.
By continually asking for an explanation you may make them rethink. And if they continue you can then bounce it up and ask for some clarity from above and you still appear to be someone who is professional, keen to work well with colleagues and get the job done.
(Whereas in reality you are refusing to get drawn into the nasty fuckers game) (apologies if you are not a swearer 😆 )

I am actually surprised some of what he reposts is not automatically flagged by algorithms as hate speech. If it’s Facebook, they don’t give a shit. I frequently report stuff on there that I’d deem as hate speech and my reports never get upheld. It’s thoroughly depressing.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head OP, and I’m sorry this is happening to you, and sorry for the way this country is heading thanks to the thick racist but very vocal minority and those that stoke hatred for their own political gain.

hmm.

how would she know your nationality?

I have worked in schools in Cambridge where many teachers are from different countries and one held four passports.

I doubt it’s your nationality per se.

Well, this is an easy one to help build a pattern.
I keep all my emails.
You highlight the date time sent, the date work is due and the Sorry.
Forward to yourself.
Count how many times it has happened over a six month period.
Factually, call her out on it, copying to her and your line managers.

Dear Twat
I have met this deadline by working all day Saturday. The request was made Wednesday and forwarded to me yesterday afternoon.
As you can understand, this makes the turn around time very tight indeed.
We all make mistakes however, you have done this to me now eight times in six months [insert dates/clients].
Please try and get any request to me as soon as you receive it in future, so the client remains happy with us.

Kind regards

I’m so sorry OP you are definitely not wrong. I’ve worked in a very similar environment, it’s almost impossible when you are both senior and their petty pathetic behaviour needs tackling.

In the end I found a role elsewhere which is actually better for several reasons. In hindsight I can see it was a pretty toxic workplace - the leader who set the culture was fairly cruel and that gave permission for others to behave nastily.

I am not going to give you advice like talking to your manager, I know the type of situation. But I send you strength and best wishes.

I agree. Is it not much more likely she sees you as a professional threat and so is doing this to make you look incompetent?

This is better expressed than my post - focus on actions not motivations initially.

Flag the recent “Friday email” problem to your boss on Monday, and give him or her other demonstrable examples as well.

I don’t know whether you should mention the husband’s social media. It seems relevant to me in that it’s likely they have similar views - but it’s not evidence that she shares them.

I would be wary of claiming to boss/HR that this is an example of prejudice against you and focus on how she's failing at basics of her job and not getting you involved at right stage.

Highligh that clients are not getting the best because you're repeatedly being called in late. Bosses will be more interested (sadly) on potential income/reputation.

Obviously keep a record and escalate as needed but right now I would focus it as her failing clients.

Yes I agree

I think you should challenge every micro aggression. "Is there a reason I was only told this yesterday when other people knew on Monday? This puts me at a disadvantage.." etc. By email, every time. There will only be so many times she can pass it off as 'nothing to see' before a pattern shows itself, which you can then take to a manager.
You likely have identified the reason for her behaviour, but there is not enough evidence at this stage to make a case for discrimination on the grounds of nationality given you had to go digging for the indirect discriminatory attitudes, and she hadn't personally revealed them to you.
Focus on her actions rather than motive for now.