AIBU to suspect a colleague’s behaviour may relate to my nationality?

Whether she is openly agreeing with her DH or not, some of his thoughts obviously rub off on her. She is trying to needle you and make you look incompetent as much as possible knowing that by covering it in flowery apologies will make you look silly if you complain without any very obvious evidence.

I wouldn't say anything. I would either quietly look for another job, or play her at her own game by informing her of things late, following up with a huge apology! If she says anything, just say that forgetfulness must be catching...very sweetly of course.

Op if you can go back to these incidents such as the time where she missed you off an email or you were dialled into a call after being missed off an invite, i would log all of them and then report this to your manager. At the very least, she is being shit at her job and needs to be pulled up on it. By all means make your manager aware of your suspicions behind motive, but they need to have word with her about ensuring to include you.

So this is the thing… an American, or a MAGA American? Because the latter isn’t about your nationality, it’s about your beliefs.

FWIW my guess is Russian! So if you are pro-Putin, it won’t be your nationality but your views people will find difficult to deal with…

YANBU to suspect your colleague's behaviour has to do with your nationality. The husband's posts suggest you are probably correct. It could also be that your colleague has taken a dislike to you for other reasons not to do with nationality at all. Thing is, you'll never really know with 100% certainty as the colleague is being superficially polite and always has a plausible reason for her lapses.

So the question comes down to not whether you're correct that there's racial animosity but what you are going to do about the situation of her undermining your ability to do your job. But you've said you know what to do professionally speaking ie recording her 'memory lapses' etc. You've said you won't report her.

So, there's no really useful advice anyone can give you. The one thing I'd maybe suggest which could possibly persuade her to stop with the nonsense is to subtly escalate your recording / responses so that as far as possible others within the teams are aware of what's going on.

I'm thinking, for example, if you missed something because of her lapse that you email her and do a CC. Plus, apologise to others via email explaining that you were not informed of such and such by her team or not informed in time, whichever is applicable. This way she is publicly exposed. But you might already be doing this or it might not be possible. Just a thought. Ultimately you might be better off finding work elsewhere.

The 'get it done by the end of the week' reply should be CC not BCC to the immediate boss, and to the person herself, as well as to the client. When they ask you why they were included, explain, and say this is not the first time (isn't it?) that this has happened. D not say what you think, and why you think it, just be saying you think they ought to know about this, that it is not your fault that you do not attend meetings, etc, because you are not kept in the loop. But, I insist, do not offer your opinion as to why it keeps happening.

You can still be a union member. My union isn't recognised in my workplace in that they're not involved in things like pay negotiations, but they have absolutely supported me on a couple of matters which would probably have ended quite differently without their expertise and support. The reps have come from union HQ when I've needed them.

Anyway - the why is important to you, but actually, it's not relevant. Her behaviour is the important thing, and whether she's doing it because you are Argentinian or because you can speak 3 languages or because have blue manicured nails or whatever else doesn't matter. She's treating you poorly, and it wouldn't suddenly be okay if the reason turned out to be something else other than your nationality.

Carry on recording all the things, which are building a pattern. Record the things you are trying to mitigate it, like asking her to include you on mails from the outset, rather than setting you up to fail. Also check how she is with other colleagues. Does she ever forget any of them? If not, that strengthens the pattern for when you do report it.

No but from what OP has described it isn’t just anti government. It’s “get them all out”

Hello OP

You know you're most probably right, but on the off chance you're not - she's still bullying you and it's no less serious.

HR/your bosses will want to get involved if her actions are having a detrimental effect on the business and you not being able to perform your role properly.

All you can do is present them with the facts. 'I don't know what the issue is, but Penelope is repeatedly leaving me out of meetings, not forwarding emails in a timely way etc.' Say you don't know if it's personal or if it's happening to other peiole, but you're not aware it is as she's so highly regarded. If you're very obviously Argentinian, and it's common for Argentinians to be targeted, let them join the dots.

Because Mumsnet would then, as usual, turn into a cacophony of posts telling the OP that the colleague's husband is absolutely right.

If he is her partner she must know his views and if she's with him then by extension she probably is influenced by him or is as bad as him. I would definitely ask her every time why you have been excluded or even point out that she seems to treat you differently from everybody else and is there a particular reason for that?

im wondering if there is a way she can get into trouble by her actions
for example instead of compensating for her behaviour
when you are left out of meetings, not sent emails
deliverables etc not engaged with
then the consequences of that means she gets in trouble for it

this kind of abuse is subtle
you usually second guess yourself

your feeling is that there is something wrong
but you question whether you are imagining it.

Please report her
Do not tolerate this behaviour
This is covert bullying /passive aggressive bullying

look online for some help on how to handle this covert abuse

❤️

She’s obviously completely out of order, whether it’s the nationality thing or not, and regardless of what nationality it is.

I agree with calling her out on unprofessional behaviour each time.

Out of interest, is it something as random as Argentina, or is it a country that potentially could affect like in the UK, eg your from the USA? I’m only asking because I think the more random it is, the more likely I think she’s bringing the random prejudice into work. Lots of people in the UK might post things about the USA (or if it’s Russia or something) because they’re worried it might affect them soon.

'Meetings I am left out of, emails that don't get forwarded, deliverables..'

Call her out on these things verbally when they happen
If you didn't you should have raised this with her earlier from the start she was behaving this way
and then reported her.
I think you should document it in writing too
then you have a trail of contact to her
i.e send her an email of it.

She has no right to treat you this way.
She needs to learn she can't
what other things can you put your finger on call out those too.

i havent read the thread responses yet

That isn't antisemitic because if this is the case, the colleague would be discriminating against OP due to her being Israeli, not due to her being Jewish. Antisemitism is - according to the Oxford Dictionary - 'hostility to, prejudice towards, or hatred and discrimination directed against Jewish people.'

Israel is not judism, its a country.
And you call others uneducated.

An over used word here on MN. Don't hear it irl.

@oneofthems “Everyone in in this story is a white first generation immigrant”, the three of you. Ok!

Sadly but truthfully he is entitled to his views, he is exercising his right to freedom of speech. Even his apparent racist views.

Best that you don’t look at his SM or hers for that matter. I am not on FB, instagram, Tik tok or any of that stuff so don’t understand how you can get into peoples lives like this and I think my life is better for it.

As for the work environment, yes she may be influenced by his views, the only thing you can do is to have contact with her solely on a professional level. Try not to let her exercise her micro aggressions on you. Does she have the power?

It sounds as if professionally you are equals. If she is that person, you’d want to have as little to do with her as possible.

But if her manner and behaviour are below
professional standards you should address this through the proper procedures.

Even if you were to approach her personally and ask what her problem was, what would you gain from it?

This is not meant to be goady, and I do understand why you and others feel so strongly. (Although I don’t think you afford people with different views the same understanding). What I really don’t understand, however, is why you consider it anti-Semitic to disagree with the actions of the Israeli Government, but not anti-American to disagree with the actions of the US Government or anti-British to disagree with the actions of the UK Government? Most people are able to differentiate between a nation’s citizens and its leaders. Why can’t you accept that? The overwhelming majority of those who abhor what the Israeli Government has done and is doing to the innocent people of Gaza, and now the West Bank, also abhor what happened to the innocent people of Israel in the attacks of 7/10.

I’m sorry you have to deal with this 😔 definitely keep a record of any incidents and maybe also screenshot some her and the partner’s posts (you might never need them but just in case you ever need to show the motive) - also echoing what other people have said, call her out when she doesn’t invite you to meetings or send emails onto you, ideally in front of other colleagues!

Agree with this. You can’t bring to the table the views of her partner, because by trying to link his views to her is just a lot of whataboutery. You should just focus on the fact you’re not receiving information in a timely manner, and discuss with HR or your line manager. You can’t just accuse someone of something based on a theory you have. You have to back it up with evidence. As there is no evidence to link her with the views of her partner, then it doesn’t seem right to try and take it down that route.

If that were the case we could educate racism out of existence. Unfortunately it seems to be hardwired into some people who think other skin tones, bloodlines, geography or cultures mean fundamental human differences. All racism is abhorrent, including yours.

Oh grow up.