To be shocked at ‘school readiness’

As I said in another post the argument about modern parents being more time pressured just doesn’t stand. Many mothers have always worked. Maternity leave and paternity leave are way, way better than they were.
Modern appliances dryers, microwaves, modern washing machines and dishwashers were not available to many boomers and some Gen. X. And these appliances are so much better now they save substantially more time.
Many parents do wfh, something that was unheard of for many 10 years ago. Some employers are flexible around issues like pick up, compressed hours etc. Again this was unheard of 10 or 20 years ago.

Im not quite sure why modern parents are time pressured in a way previous generations weren’t.

I don’t have any issues with encouraging parents to ensure school readiness. I tried very hard with mine. We just need to remember SEND is undx often at this age and so bear that in mind when responding to individual children and families.

But things haven’t changed… it was ever so. I ran a pre-school in the 70s-90s and had the same problems when children started at 3. Could not sit still to listen to a story, could not go to the loo independently. Certainly couldn’t put shoes or a coat on. Staff had to make a conscious effort September to December to get these things pinned down. We had a tick list for each pre-shool child to ensure all the skills were achieved before school. I absolutely agree that young children forget these skills during the long 6 weeks holiday and parents should make extra effort to keep these skills up.

I live on an expensive development in the south. Some neighbours are doctors and teachers.
We have few social problems. However at the end of our road we have countless dealers brining drugs up to working adults. (I live in the first house next to the gated entrance). My house used to be tenanted by 'the man'. I see people go past my window talking on their phones and 5 minutes later they walk back. My friend who was a copper has seen the drops.

So many people take drugs. They are vastly cheaper than alcohol as they're not taxed
I'm 60 so it passed me by and I was a sales rep in my early career so had to be fresh to drive each morning at 6am. I wonder if these parents are too busy with their recreational habits to be bothered looking after their children.

Normalisation of working from home and parenting at the same time = neglected kids addicted to screens.

I also teach in Reception, and I can agree that it is as horrendous as it sounds. The lack of basic skills is quite shocking: turn-taking, listening to a story, following a simple instruction, knowing how to take off their shoes and put them back on for PE sessions, putting coats on, using cutlery, sharing, using the toilet independently etc.

We have seven children in my class still in nappies, and after doing the ECAT assessment, 16 should be referred on to Speech and Language Therapy. I have three children with identified SEND needs and another three on my radar. I have one TA.

I’ve even had a formal complaint put in about me because I informed a parent that their child had bitten another child.
I’m already feeling like I’m heading towards burnout, just two weeks in. It gets worse year after year, with a massive increase in needs since the prolific use of iPhones. I’ve been teaching for 25 years.

I do agree with this. There are children who should be reception ready (not school ready) that aren't and it is heart breaking. There is something going on with attention and speech and language that hss changed. The 90% seems very high though and not what we have seen.

But I was really just countering the idea that not recognising a name is always autism or neglect it can also just be that they arent used to being called it.

I work as a childminder and I work with parents to get their children ready for school.
Recognising their name,putting on coat and shoes, wiping bottoms,washing hands,using please and thank you etc...including those with SEN.
I know that most of them have it all done for them at home- by the time they come back to me on a Monday, they've forgotten how to do it all and have even lost the use of their legs because they all get carried to the door by their parents, even the 4 year old!
However, once left in a school environment it'll kick in and they'll remember how to do it!

Yes, the book thing - I mentioned in my previous post but to emphasise:
some (many) children don’t know how to:
hold a book the right way
stay from the left page
turn a page

I understand the language/second name.

And there are children who genuinely need more adjustment time starting school.

But there are also many children who could easily be have been ready allowing those with greater needs to have a bit more time with the staff available.

It’s the children that could be ready but aren’t who are being utterly failed by their parents.

A bit surprised at a lot of replies on this thread.

' there might be SEN' yes there might but ffs the OPhas said repeatedly that she wasn't talking about the diagnosed or suspected sen children. And like a pp has said, the chances of all the children having sen are, in a practical sense, impossible. Even if half have sen, what is the reason for the other half not having basic age appropriate life skills?

And if a lot of this was caused by undiagnosed sen, what are the parents doing about it? If my children were unable to recognise their written name by starting school or unable to toilet independently or sit still for 10 minutes or put on a coat, I'd have a. Noticed, b. Engaged health visitors and GP c. Discussed my concerns with the primary school when they started d. Worked on strategies to help them (like attached aomething to a zip to make it easier to pull up, done extra practice etc.). Of course that might not have worked. But I wouldn't have sent them in missing such basic skills and just not referenced it.

I'm not sure if the posters who are blaming gentle parenting actually understand what gentle parenting is. It's about being authoritative home being respectful to the child.

For example, if my kids want to ride bikes or scooters, I require them to wear helmets. If they protest against the helmet, I explain why it's important to wear them. If they still refuse, that's fine. They don't have to wear a helmet, but they also can't ride their bike. If they cry, that's also fine. I will comfort them. They still can't ride their bike without a helmet.

If it's snowing outside and they don't want to wear gloves, I explain why they need gloves. If they still don't want to wear gloves, they don't have to, but they'll realise they need to the moment they touch the snow. They'll never protest wearing gloves again after that.

I did draw the line at allowing my son to pet a goose, though; thankfully it hissed at him and scared us both!

But can you explain why this is only now the case and it wasn't happening 10, 20plus years ago?

"Gentle parenting" - surprising does involve setting boundaries, understanding how kids feel but not being permissive. It's a specific structured choice and the key word is parenting.

Most of these are just lazy parents who don't give a stuff and who have probably been dragged up themselves. These have not even heard of gentle parenting, they sound like they CBA.

I’ve been teaching for many years, and the trend has been clear for some time.

• the children who arrive in nappies because it’s easier to leave them in pull ups than toilet train them ‘well you will train them’ - no we won’t. We send them home till the family sort it. Three weeks later ( on average) they are back, clean, dry and in pants. We are a school. I have 30 children in my class so don’t have time to teach potty training, (though of course will help a child who is usually dry but has had an accident.)
• the children who can talk but has huge language issues - you show them two flowers for example and ask ‘tell me all about these two flowers’. You get responses like ‘red’, but then have to ask to get more. ‘Is this one larger or smaller than that one?’ ‘Small’. A child from a rich language environment will give you chapter and verse ‘it’s a red flower next to a white daisy and the white daisy is really tiny and hasn’t any leaves but the big red flower one has really long green leaves that look like a knife and when I was at my granny’s she had lots of daisies in her grass and….’

If they can’t explain what they see verbally, how on earth can they ever write about it? Hence I screen all new Reception children for language skills and we run several (7!) different language programmes to increase and enrich language, and to model grammar and how to explain things. We ‘ve now even got our own speech therapist on call - and we are just a standard primary school, nothing special.

• the children who can’t sit, can’t listen, can’t concentrate and have zero manners - they are not special needs ( believe me - it’s my specialist area and am very careful to monitor children for SEN) - these are children who respond well once shown and given an expectation - they’ve just never been taught. You can see it at collection times - child runs out holding something they have done, adult never looks up from their screen and mutters ‘oh yes, very nice’.

As part of my job I visit children in nursery settings. Not all are effective. In some settings I see the adults standing up and chatting together, whilst the children run round at their lower level. The effective pre school settings always have the adults sitting with the children and at their level, giving eye contact and modelling both language and behaviour.
Then you visit the child’s home and find there is not even a dining table - the children eat on the sofa whilst watching tv or a tablet. Good practice is to sit round a table - no screens! - and talk about the day, modelling good talking and listening, turn talking and eye contact. The children help set the table ( good early maths experience - eg how many spoons do we need?). On home visits often there is barely a children’s book in the house (I usually take one or two now and leave them there) so often we have to explain how to hold a book and how to turn the pages carefully. It can get really depressing as you know you are going to spend the first term - or more - working on behaviours that should have been sorted years earlier. I believe the OP. Things are definitely getting worse.

The thing is they might start what the call formally school at age 6/7 but they are in some sort of educational setting like pre school well before that. They do start doing some academic things like reading later

This is the sensible answer, and I agree, but people prefer dramatic, sweeping statements of doom and gloom

Yes, o think the important but that’s being ignored is that it’s climbing.

Children haven’t got less able in the 3 decades I’ve been working with children or in education.

But parenting standards have fallen.

Parents taking children to school in their pyjamas doesn’t give the children a good demonstration that their schooling important.

Parents excusing every little thing doesn’t teach children that rules are there for a reason.

Send practice has improved in that time and is more easily recognised (I have a disabled ds myself). Not every child is send who is delayed. They are delayed. They can catch up but it need parental input as well as school.

There is no reason a child starting school without send cannot hang up a coat and bag.

pull up their underwear.

sit still and listen to a story (because let’s face it they can sit and watch a screen for hours!)

Do as they are asked without saying “no” because it doesn’t suit them.

Children need early input and guidance. So much time is wasted in school teaching them school readiness when previously they came with it.

the amount of learning required hasn’t decreased - you still need to fit it in.

Because the possible SEN children don’t have to why should they be forced to lift a finger.

The “it might be SEN” is probably part of the increase of why some lazy parents think they have another “get out of parenting” free card in their pack now.

I mean all the undiagnosed SEN adults of nowadays were toilet trained going into school at the same age, is it different SEN now?

It’s clearly a load of balls, just another excuse. But you can’t call it out apparently laziness and being disorganised could be part of a disability. Honestly it’s like people want to disengage with everything that isn’t streaming out of their phones.

Priorities do seem a bit off. Look at all the Facebook posts of parents kicking off at the school because their child has been sent home because they have a nose ring or bright pink hair and the parents then slag the school off all over Facebook, therefore teaching the children that when they go to work and are expected to adhere to a uniform and code of conduct and rules they can go running to mum who will kick off at the employer for them I'm sure.

Formal education starts at 6 or 7 but the children are generally in preschool or kindergarten from age three or four.
@Copyandpastry wasn’t saying they couldn’t write or do sums: she was talking about basic social skills.

This is very strange. I work in a primary school and I have a 4 year old who's just started school. I'm not seeing what you describe.

Not always, some are using a second language, some dont have great literacy skills themselves but some decide that they dont want thier child called billybobbyboo at school and this is the moment to enforce thier government name but forget to tell the child, some assume nursery will say. Ive been settling in reception a children for over 10 years and its my lived experience that there are always a few like this every year.

Its also really common to have no idea what their surname is.

That is rubbish . My own kids and grandkids weren't like this. It's bloody lazy parenting.