AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's children more?

I wouldn’t do any of it. You’re overstretched just within your own life. And what about your husband and kids at the weekend? Even if they adore the little ones, they will run out of patience at the lack of peace, the inability to please themselves. Have you all forgotten how all consuming and demanding even the best behaved small children can be? Don’t do it. You’ll all end up hating them and your sister.

“Dearest Sister, I have spent the best part of 20 years doing childcare. I’ve done this happily because these were MY children. I adapted my life to facilitate this and the household is now in a state of easing due to my children getting older.

I am now not in a place to facilitate YOUR childcare needs.

YOUR household has to find a way around this, not mine.
Probs see you at Christmas! Ciao”

.

So what is the dad doing? A lot of people work opposing shifts when their DC are young, tricky but not impossible.

You’ve definitely offered more than enough, it’s not your problem to solve.

There's really someone out there who thinks her sister's family should just... not have a single weekend to themselves for the next 10 years? The mind boggles.

Absolutely not.

but more - don’t you dare feel guilty about saying no to it all. Not doing anything at all. She is being beyond cheeky to even ask. This is like the person who has salad and water being the one to feel bad when they say no to splitting the bill with the steak and champagne’r/s. Shame needs to switch sides.

Oh do fuck off!

Not a chance in hell would I be offering any kind of permanent childcare arrangement!! I’d (reluctantly!!) offer emergency cover only…and that would be it! Your sister and her partner need to work this out between them!

Oh FFS there's always one. ...love how people who live with good public transport assume everyone is the same!

I know it’s not the point of this thread, but you do realise that there are places without public transport right? 😂

There is not a reliable bus that would get my teen to and from school during the week if we didn’t have school transport running. There are definitely no buses running on weekends that would take her to friends and sports training and work.

I’m gritting my teeth waiting for college. That involves a twice daily 30 minute drive to the train station plus a 40 minute train journey. The train seems to be cancelled at least once a week. Then it’s an hour drive each way (4 hours total in driving if I came home and drove back at the end of the day). That is the closest option if she wants to do A-levels. There is no longer anything more local.

She could ask your older children. But they would need to be paid and know that they can say no.

YANBU to say no.

She is being completely unreasonable. It's not your problem.

Nope it's for your sister and partner to work it out and plan accordingly.
SIL and BIL deliberately do opposite shift work so they can look after the children.

SIL needs a proper discussion with her partner and look at jobs accordingly.

CF. Would this arrangement mean that she and her partner had a day or two, child free, mid week?

No absolutely not. Ad hoc help is find but every weekend? You'll be seeing her kids more than she does!

I used to work as an event coordinator (lots of Saturday weddings) and changed job after I had DD.

I currently have a 6 and 3 year old, it is not an easy task to take care of them. Your sister is being a cf. I pay for child care for my children so I can work, she needs to do so too.

Although my lovely MIL is going to take them for a day today so me and DH can go for lunch with friends. Very much looking forward to it!

I would not be having them at all ever. They have 2 parents (plus a 20 year old sibling). When my dc were that age, Dh was working full time, I was finishing a PhD, plus working, plus doing semi-regular international travel for both of the above, plus I was commuting for teaching 3+ hours, sometimes once a week, sometimes 3 days a week.

We used a normal 9-5 nursery and each other. Never had any family help. We organised our schedules between each other and chose work that fit around family life. These kids have two parents. Those two parents can’t just both choose weekend work and then get perplexed about what’s going to happen with their kids. They need to plan their work schedules to accommodate family life. It would be different if she was a single parent, maybe a little bit, but both of them can’t just make the children they chose to have everyone else’s responsibility.

If they were kids the same age as yours I would MAYBE consider it (not every weekend though) but no way would I be having young children on my days off! You have done your time and yours are now at the point in life where they are happy to just chill or need very little entertainment! It is not your fault she started over!

I was assuming she was a single parent.
You've offered more than enough

No. It is too much. Looking after someone else's kids is a far cry from looking after your own. It's much more demanding. It's unfortunate but your sister will just have to sort something that suits her family - like the rest of us!

she said they live where there isn't local transport.

Childminder or nanny over the weekend - what she is saying is you are her only FREE option.
Not a hope in hells chance I would be doing that!

I have my niece's and nephews over most weekends, and I still wouldn't do it.

Totally different providing childcare to having kids over. If my plans change no one minds- you would have to book time off

I wouldn't agree to do any.

Your sister is being a cheeky sod!!

Your offer is far more reasonable than she apparently deserves.

She needs to find a job that doesn't involve weekends

YANBU unreasonable at all. You’ve been fairly generous with your offer. I’m baffled that she thinks it’s fine for you basically to give up all your free time?? It they don’t have adequate childcare they will have to rethink work/look at flexible work requests so they can look after their own children.