AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's children more?

Of course YANBU. You're already offering a lot, and don't have to do any of it. This is on her and her partner to take care of the children they chose to have. Hold firm.

She should have considered all of that before having such a massive gap between kids. This isn’t your issue to sort.

All weekend, every weekend, indefinitely?! Can’t believe anyone would dream of asking this 🤯

Your offer is extremely generous, I'd only be offering emergency care in case of illness! You have offered what you feel you are able to cope with. At the end of the day, the decision isn't solely yours...you have a husband and 3 children yourself, who share your home and rightly have a say.

Your sister and her partner chose to have 2 children, therefore it's their responsibility to come up with a plan, for childcare. Why can't your sister work during the week? Are both children at school? Or is it only the 6 year old? Why can't the younger child go into nursery/pre-school/childminder, until they start school?! Does your sister's partner work weekends too? If her partner works weekends, then your sister needs to work during the week. Or her partner needs to help facilitate looking after his children by asking for flexible working.

So sorry accidentally hit unreasonable when I swiped. YANBU the young children were her choice as is the job and you are being more than generous already. Hold your boundaries! X

Neither would I.

No way. I wouldn't even offer every other weekend.

A private nanny or childminder is what she needs. Don’t do this OP she’s got a cheek asking you and putting pressure on you. Also you may become resentful towards her if you do because it won’t be just the odd day will it?

If she can’t afford or find childcare then she needs to look for another job.

It's up to her and her husband to sort out. I wouldn't mind once a month - one day only. Don't budge

"she has asked me to have the children at weekends"

No. Absolutely not. You have raised your three and earned the weekends free.
They will have to make another plan.

YANBU your sister is a cheeky cow. Also you don’t owe her an explanation - it’s irrelevant you are perimenopausal. Women need to stop thinking we have to explain ourselves. No is a fully formed answer.

Why doesn’t her husband look after his children?

You’ve offered more than enough! You really, really don’t have to do any of it. Your sister is completely disrespecting your wants and needs and is trying to manipulate you to get her own way. And it’s not as if she’s ever done anything similar for you. Please stand up for yourself. She made her own decisions for her own life, and she has to learn to manage without emotionally blackmailing her own sister.

It seems the norm these days to expect other people to bring up your children. You will have to tell her straight, they are her children and they need to come before her needs. You have more than reasonable with your offer.

No you should not agree to that. She presumably didn’t look after yours. Why doesn’t she pay her oldest child to babysit?

Offering a day every other weekend was generous enough.

You've raised three kids, now you get to relax a bit that they are independent, and they will be interested in entirely different activities as their ages are so different to your sister's.
Might be different if the kids were all similar ages. A 3yo needs very different activities and possibly nappy changes and all sorts of extra help. Does she not have any friends with 3yos and they could rotate and have 3yo on different days and she can return the favour in the week?

What with the children's father be doing at weekends?

More importantly when would your sister and her DH actually see their children??

When would you get anu down time for yourself or time to spend with your own husband and family?
Your sister and partner need to either pay someone for weekend care or re-evaluate both of their jobs and lifestyle.

DH sibling and partner chop and change jobs then announce to mil/fil that they need them to take and collect from school most of the week, take neice to her hobbies twice a week and have her all holidays and mil/fil actually do it !

Whereas DH and I 'cut our cloth' . I changed jobs to work a few evenings and his parents looked after our children 1 afternoon a week so we could both work that day, but during school holidays we used our annual leave to cover that one afternoon in holidays.

you're assuming public transport is available for op’s children. Where we live, there is no public transport that would take my dcs to college and there is no public transport that would take them to the nearest city. The only option we have is 1 bus every hour that goes to 2 small towns. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have good public transport links.

She’s being a cheeky fucker! Childcare is hard, that’s why people who work pay for it! How can you possibly do a full-time job and then take on a part-time job on the only two days of the week you’ve got left!

No I have 3 young children under 9 but my sister has 2 university aged children and I would not dream of asking her for regular childcare at the weekend. She is delighted to have them occasionally if we have something on and would have them overnight 1-2 times a year. She has pulled us out of a tight spot on more than one occasion with pick ups etc but a regular childcare arrangment is not fair. Like you, she is just getting her life back, enjoying her hobbies, going out with her husband etc. My sisters two children are often my childcare too, as they love a bit of extra money and love minding the kids. Could she pay the 20 year old? Not using them as childcare, paying them for it!

I would say you have offered way more than I would be willing to commit to. I am in a similar position and tell my sister I sm
here in emergencies or if they get invited to a wedding etc but my exam aged and adult DC need peace at weekends and deserve our full attention too.

Not everyone even has family to ask for help with childcare - the fact that you're offering a weekend a month is amazing. I'd bite your hand off if I were your sister!!

She should be grateful. There is 30 hours free childcare, above that she will just have to pay someone like everyone else does.

Absolutely this. Don’t let it become your problem