AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's children more?

@GiveItOneMoreDay
She cannot be serious why should you look after her children?
You've been there, done that and are now perimenopausal too? 😬
It's hard to get work I know
But she will have to sort out different hours/childcare elsewhere
Don't be blackmailed by her if anything she's the one who should feel guilty and as
This is a thing that both you and DH feel the same about
It's a for sure a definite no

Absolutely not. You will never get that time back and she didn't do the same for you.

Her childcare problems are not yours to solve and you have offered to have them sometimes.

You need to stick to your guns, she has a partner and they need to sort this out between them.

this. I mean why would you? Did you make her have the kids?

No way would I even consider this. I also wouldn't have offered what you already have as that will creep up in time.
wheres her partner at weekends?

Absolutely no way you should even consider saying yes to this, it’s totally unreasonable of her to have even suggested it.

Not only because you are still needed for managing the logistics of hobbies and social lives of your younger two, alongside needing some time yourself and your husband.

Also 3 and 6 is the when hers are entering/ in the midst of ‘the birthday party years’ … exhausting Saturdays and Sundays of very young children high on sugar and excitement, stuffy rooms in community halls and soft play centres with equal amounts of shrieking laughter and tearful tantrums when someone else ‘wins’… there is just no way. No way at all I’d even consider it!

You were kind to offer what you did. Expecting you to do more is very unfair. Your sister and her partner need to work it between them like the vast majority of parents do.

Absolutely not, the cheeky fucker

Absolutely not. She’s being a cheeky fucker. You’ve been very generous in your offer.

Also be wary of offering ‘emergencies’ because then the failure of a half-assed plan becomes an emergency and ‘but you said….’

I wouldn't offer anything.
Not a single day.
You have finally a bit of time at the weekends, after manically busy weeks, and she now wants you as her weekend childcare.

She is a complete CF and I wouldn't get in any way involved with this.

You will bitterly regret committing to doing something so thankless.

Your DSis needs to sort out some regular weekend childcare ,. I don't think she'd find a childminder who would do ad-hoc days , three Sarturdays out of four and every other Sunday kind of thing . They have a business and need to know their hours and capacity .
Same with any Nursery that offer weekends .

But she isn't looking for that , she wants you to step in for free . And you;d probably end up with overnight childcare because she'd be "late/exhausted/need to study/need to catch up with her DH"

Just as providing care for an elderly relative isn;t a given, then older siblings doing regular childcare shouldn't be either . Ok if her eldest says they'd love to but they;re at University .

And as an aside - when I see posters write on here that they want to live "rural or semi-rural" , no neighbours , middle of nowhere etc , I was in a small village with rubbish transport as a child/teen so I was so determined my DS would live where there are regular busses etc as it was a pain when I couldn't get a bus after 8pm !

You have offered more than what is reasonable, personally with her reaction to your very generous offer I would tell her you have reconsidered and it is a hard no. She will be resentful and will keep demanding more if you even start this.

Agree with PPs - absolutely unbelievable that anyone should ask this of you. Looking after two small children that are not your own. EVERY weekend? I think you should tell sister not to be so utterly ridiculous. I can’t imagine the level of entitlement she must feel. Totally mad.

I think you’ve been far more accommodating than I would by what you’ve offered.
If she can’t cover her childcare when she is working she will need to decline the job offer.
Every working parent has this dilemma, it’s up to them to solve it, not expect others to

She’s asking for too much from you. I’m perimenopausal too and I neeed the weekend to relax and recharge my batteries before work.she needs to look for a different job or ask her husband to change his shifts. What if you didn’t exist, she wouldn’t be able to do it anyway!

Frankly, I'd remind her of that and tell her she chose to have additional children later in life and she'll need to figure it out like you did. You have your own family and life to sort and won't be stepping in to sort hers as well.

Wow Yanbu.

I think one weekend every other weekend is very generous and more than I’d offer. If it was me it would be occasional/emergency only. Got too much of my own shit going on! Kids similar ages to your younger two

Can her eldest and your eldest not split it between them for extra monkey?

as a one off sure you should help but not every weekend for free.

I would like to know who the 1% is that voted the OP is being unreasonable 😂.

Your sister is a cheeky fucker. Was she golden child, by any chance?

You're doing 3 hours of driving a day on top of a full time job? This sounds horrendous just on its own. Is it an independent school or do your children have SEN?

I think weekend babysitting does exist, I'm sure your sister could try sitters.co.uk or similar, or even a childcare student from a local college or a nanny looking for extra hours.

YANBU. It’s an insane ask! Your offer was more than generous. Is your sister generally quite an entitled person? Are you a bit of a people pleaser? I’m trying to understand the dynamic where she’d feel comfortable and justified pushing this in this way, as it’s hard to imagine!

Offering what you have was kind of you but she is taking the piss asking for more.

i wouldn’t offer childcare for anyone at the weekend (unless it was a one off or an emergency) as I work bloody hard during the week and the weekend is time for me and dh (our children are both adults).

she needs to find a different job that works around her and her partners job so she isn’t relying on others for childcare. I worked evenings for many years to work around my dh’s job, my friend did night shift as both our dh’s were home to look after our children.

You've been more than generous in offering to have them at all. She or her husband will have to rearrange their hours - not your problem so don't feel guilty at all