AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's children more?

Wtf. No way! She has to sort out her own childcare arrangements. We all have things we need to sort out before we commit to a new job. They are her kids and her responsibility.

What she means is, she doesn't have anyone willing to give up their weekends for free. She can't guilt trip on this, it is 100% unreasonable.

Hell no!

I’m a bit similar in that my kids are quite a bit older than their cousins, 10 year gap basically, so I have late primary age and my DB has toddlers.

There is no way I would agree to look after my DN for more than a one off. Emergencies of course I’ll help, and I do babysit fairly often, and my kids love seeing them and playing for a couple of hours! Same as my DB does occasional babysitting/pick ups etc for me.

Every weekend, all weekend - absolutely not - and I’m not even full time! It’s insane that anyone would consider it reasonable to ask that. You would have no downtime, no social life, no freedom. Just no!

Straight off - YANBU

How many hours is she requesting childcare for? Will that include taking them to sports, dancing and the inevitable birthday parties?

Did she offer, to balance it out by driving your kids to and from school on the days she isnt working, to do your laundry, housework, meal prep and shopping?

What exactly is she offering you in return?
How much routine childcare she provided for you would factor into my dm taking too - even though I might not use that when speaking to her.

We work FT mon-fri to have our weekendd free. We dont have capacity to do childcare for 3 and 6 year olds at the weekend. We need to relax, shop, clean, exercise and we cant to all of that on a Sunday without exhuasting ourselves for the coming week.

Yes but the op can say no, the perimenopause card does not need to have anything to do with it

It is not relevant

Not that this makes any difference (I'm with everyone else - don't do it!), but is she offering to pay you?

Yep, it was reasonable and sensible for OP to mention the symptoms she's experiencing and why they mean weekend rest is a need not a want. Not least because, although this thread has gone quite sensibly, MN contains some posters who are excellent at volunteering other people for things they aren't being expected to do themselves.

I wouldn’t have offered as much as you have to be honest. I could see it easily being taken advantage of with her other childcare falling through or some other excuse.
Its her problem to solve and if the children’s other parent doesn’t want to change his hours then she needs to find an alternative job.

I’m not sure why you think perimenopause is irrelevant here? It’s common for it to cause lots of physical, mental and emotional symptoms. I know a few women who’ve gone part time/stepped back from extra responsibilities because they’re finding it tough.

I mean there’s no way the OP should agree to this ridiculous request regardless, but it is reasonable to take her own wellbeing into account.

No, I wouldn't commit to this whatsoever. She'll need to find another more suitable job, or pay a child minder to look after her children.

Alternatively, if your oldest kids would be interested in earning some money, your sister could offer them the job and pay them.

You’re being very reasonable with your offer. I love my nieces and nephews but wouldn’t have them for more than a full day a month, especially at their ages.
she needs to change jobs or let their father look after them.

YABU to play the "perimenopause" card

but YANBU for everything else. You are a lot more than generous already! It doesn't matter one bit what you are doing, offering an entire weekend a month is huge.

She can pay for childcare or ask another friends. People have au-pairs, nannies, some nurseries workers are more than happy to earn extra by working weekends...

she's not stuck, she's just a CF expecting free childcare.

Who on earth were the 1% who said this was reasonable????

No way. This is utterly ridiculous!

YANBU

That's insane. I'm a single mum and used to often work weekends, guess what, I've had to change jobs to one where I don't have to. That's what people do.

And when do her and her partner actually propose to see their kids, if they're at school (or nursery and soon school) all week and their parents are working all weekend?

I can't believe that your sister expects you to work full time every Monday to Friday and then spend every weekend being a child minder for her two children. When are you supposed to relax? You'd be totally burned out by the end of the first month.

She'll either need to find a childminder who works weekends, employ a weekend nanny or find a new job. It certainly isn't your responsibility to sort this out for her.

You’ve already offered more than I would have. She just can’t return to that career if her partner also works weekends, it’s not possible and you exhausting yourself providing childcare so she can, is a very unreasonable expectation.

She needs a job that works for her household and with the childcare she can get. You’re not her staff.

WTAF no!!

Do you even want to do the childcare that you’ve offered?

Don’t you need down time at the weekend?

”Sorry Jane. On reflection I can’t help with childcare at all as we have busy weekends and need down time from our week at work.”

Sister needs to get a job that works with her children.

The fact she never looked after yours means I’d not feel there was a debt to be repaid.

Would your children offer to babysit? My niece was an amazing babysitter to my dd, and dd (now in her 20s) still talks about her big cousin babysitting fondly. Dniece would take her for a cheeky McD's happy meal. Dniece loved the extra money and I cherished the easy nature of my babysitting service.

Indeed, what about all the social activities like parties of young children?
Endless and exhausting.
You will be caught for this too.

Work will be much easier than doing childcare.

I cannot believe anyone would be so silly to commit long-term to being childcare like this.

Absolutely not should be your answer.
She and her partner need to sort tjis out between them.

She is so presumptuous.

Her childcare is her responsibility. I think what you've offered is very generous.

Goodness, why wasn't your first answer "Hahahaha, nice try, Rachel, but no way!"

I used to tell people trying to dump childcare on me that I wasn't great at keeping my own two alive and uninjured, so probably best not to add more to the pack.

Even if that is the case and even if this is a possibility (for example - I live in a village so infrequent buses and miles from train station) the 16 and 14 year old are her kids and it’s her choice to drop them where they need to be. I actually quite like car rides with my two as we natter away.

No way would I commit to this. It's too much, and you will need to keep it up for like 7 years or so until both children are old enough to stay by themselves. They can find a nanny or alternatively careers or take alternate shifts.