AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's children more?

Your offer was really generous!

I wouldn’t even have offered as much as you have. I think that’s extremely good of you and she’s being ungrateful to expect more.

No way. She’s cheeky and manipulative trying to guilt you into this sort of massive commitment. Where is the father of these children, why isn’t he stepping up? Also your 14 and 16 year olds will be embarking on GCSE and A’Level studies and will need a calm household at weekends to study, not one filled with demanding infants and stressed out parents.

You read the thread and that's what you chose to comment on? If the OP is rural, there won't be any public transport for the kids to take. Not everyone lives in a town or city with busses and trains aplenty, you know

Could your sister get an au pair, OP? No way can you look after her children every weekend

Unless she did something equivalent for you when yours were younger YANBU at all.

Edited as just reread OP and see partner works weekends too. Seems rough on the kids to not have any days with their parents outside school holidays.

What does that have to do with the price of fish?

16 & 14 should be on public transport

Literally can't believe she asked this of you!

You have been super generous offering two full weekend days a month, I wouldn't have even offered that.

I do look after my sister's three young children but only on an ad-hoc basis. Usually it's no more than 3 hours at a time and she rarely asks for weekends as she knows how much we value that downtime. Also I only work part time not full time!

Your sister is very, very cheeky and I don't like that it sounds like she's trying to emotionally blackmail you into agreeing to this too.

Even if the sister did look after OP’s kids when they were small that doesn’t mean OP had to reciprocate now.

I looked after my nieces loads when they were little as I had a flexible job and no kids of my own then. I didn’t expect my brother to return the favour years later when I had young kids but he still had his own kids to raise and a full time job!

if her husband works full time presumably weekdays can he have them weekends?

most people work these out between their own families not rely on anyone else to help?

it's quite a commitment to ask someone to indefinitely have your kids every weekend.

Tell her to figure it out with her husband.

Did your sister do anything comparable for you when your children were small? If not, you don't owe her anything.

Of course not, that's far too much of her to expect.

Forget about perimenopause, your own kids, blah blah….the fact is, you already have a FT job, so you would now be working 7 days a week! Fulltime! Every single day of your life! How can she think that’s sustainable?

You’ve already offered more than most people would.

There are weekend Nannies and babysitters they can hire (try childcare.co.uk, plenty of people like teachers and nursery staff are on there looking for extra jobs on weekends, you can filter by days available).

Or they can switch their jobs or shifts around like most couples do.

But honestly she’s really cheeky and pushy to do more than ask once and graciously accept your answer.

You will seriously burn out and become ill if you try to do this.

Of course you aren't being unreasonable. You are working at the limits of what you can cope with just keeping all the plates spinning for your own immediate family. Your offer of 2 weekend days a month is very kind and generous and your sister is being extremely rude and entitled to be expecting more.

This isn't your problem to solve, it's ok to say no. She's a grownup and has a partner who is also presumably a capable adult. and its up to them to structure their lives within the boundaries of the resources they have. Couples with children cannot both have jobs that require weekend work unless they can negotiate mirror shifts because weekend childcare is generally not available. There are lots of jobs with no weekend work or where weekend work can be negotiated. It's not up to you to help them find a solution.

@GiveItOneMoreDay you are being more than reasonable.

Your sister needs to rethink her career. Or her partner needs to rethink his career.

You are making a very generous offer.

Advise her to pay her oldest child one or two weekends per month and to advertise for another carer to fill the same position.

Long term your sister and her husband need to change their shifts.

You're already offering more than I would in the same circumstances. This is not your problem to resolve. Your sis and her DH need to come up with another solution themselves.

Absolutely no way. It would be like working 7 days a week, I’d fall apart. If there is no job she can do in the universe that isn’t weekend work and her partner won’t/cant cover the time, she can’t work.

I don't know that I would even offer what you have. Every weekend is WAY too much. They will need to find another solution.

There's 4 teens and young adults between you, would none of them be up for some babysitting money?

God no, it’s for her and her partner to work out their jobs/shifts. I hate it when someone tries to make their problem, your problem