AIBU to complain after NHS dentist did filling for my 16 year-old?

He is 16 not 6 are you this intense normally and yes you are way overreacting good grief

NHS services = amalgam filling as standard.. if you’re bothered about you/your child wanting white fillings then go private and pay the price! It’s really that simple.

Amalgam fillings are better for big molars and last lots longer than white composite ones, i just had one done on nhs, nobody can see it and it was cheap...no issues here !

Seriously?

I wasn’t commenting on a post from the op, though. I was replying to someone who had called another poster daft, because they said they wouldn’t want an amalgam filling in their mouth. As the quote history on my post reveals.

I'd be fuming about the silver filling. They look awful and even at the back are very obvious. I'd get it swapped ASAP.l!

Some of you are reacting to the OP’s angrily written post. You’re not thinking about a 16 year old child (assuming they’re in England) that likely didn’t even know they were having a needle in their gums and therefore didn’t know they could ask for lidocaine first etc. They have probably come home a bit upset which no parent would like. She made a mistake by not going but we all make mistakes. Can’t you be a bit kinder? You could literally just say that you don’t agree, you really don’t need to be nasty. She’s upset and probably feels guilty for not being there, we all overreact sometimes. She hasn’t actually DONE anything. If this were your friend you would tell them that you disagree but you’re sorry they feel shit. And at 16 most kids don’t know how to advocate for themselves! Especially when they don’t actually know what is going to happen next.

I think the only person you can be mad at is yourself.

I agree @Toiletbrushanswer, the OP is angry with herself.

I agree.

I mean those facts aren’t as straight forward as you’re insinuating though are they? You can join the Army at 16 but need parental consent (via signature), can’t be deployed, can leave etc. You can leave home but it’s not really happening is it? Considering you have to stay in education until you’re 18, I don’t know any mortgage lenders that would give a 16 year old a mortgage etc (parental signature and guarantor requires etc etc) I’m not saying your opinion is wrong because it’s yours and you’re entitled to it but really the things you’ve alluded to being allowed to do actually echo what the OP has a problem with, they can do those things with more robust adult / parent / guardian consent than the dentist asked for.

Do you normally overreact this much to things that don’t really matter. It was just a filling not a major operation.

OP was concerned about how it looks, though.

I think the only person you can be mad at is yourself. You havent taught your son how to consider his options without pressure (fair enough, my similar aged child still wants my input, it's still quite young to learn these life skills) and yet you've sent him alone. He didnt think to call you either?

Past dental appontments have nothing to do with current appointments. A lot can change between. The dentist did nothing wrong. Much the opposite in fact; it was good of them to get him in when there was space. As far as they were concerned, a 16 year old, who didnt need his parents as he came alone, gave consent to a routine procedure.

This is a good learning opportunity. How to deal with pressure when he is feeling unsure. How to ask about his options. That he should call you if anything comes up that he isnt sure about.

Complaining would be ridiculous but might give the dental team a laugh.

It’s not daft to not want a filling containing mercury in your mouth. It leeches into the bloodstream - arguably in quantities low enough not to significantly harm people’s health, but it’s still a perfectly legitimate concern.

To be fair, your son is old enough to leave home, join the army etc etc. Perhaps he can have a filling?
I was 9 when I had a tooth out. I walked from my house to the dentist, had the tooth out, came back on my own. A memorable experience but not traumatic

Your son had a free procedure which will save him the pain of, at best, needing a larger filling or more serious treatment, and at worst major toothache. Just be grateful and move on.

Considering most of us in the country can’t even get seen by an NHS dentist for months, if at all, I think you should both be fucking grateful to get such prompt treatment.

Don’t be daft

I can't comment on the legal aspect but personally, if I wasn't confident that my teenager was mature enough to consider and consent to a procedure. I would accompany them. That's why I accompanied DS (17) to the dentist over the summer and to the doctor's last week. Like @ProjectFailScary suggests, I wait outside in case he wants my advice.

You sound quite deranged. He’s 16. It’s not all about you. He needs to learn to advocate for himself now.

It's a Chat GPT written post.

If you felt he was old enough to go by himself then he has to be old enough to say he wasn’t happy having the work done without speaking to you first.

I went with mine up until the age of 17. Although mainly to drive them there and back and wait outside.

Would you like help drafting a formal complaint letter to the practice manager once you see what the consensus is on your post?
Yabu to use AI
and also to make a fuss.

Mumsnet is hilarious! No one thinks this is a problem because it’s legal, you’re being ridiculous, he’s 16 blah blah blah.

Unless it was their child! The dentist hasn’t done anything wrong but let’s face it, most 16 year olds haven’t got a flipping clue what to do and say when faced with something like this. Half the people commenting are probably needle phobic! No one enjoys a needle in the gums do they? I remember the same thing happening to me when I was 14-15 (I don’t think anyone gave a shit about age restrictions back then) and I was traumatised! It was so painful because I hadn’t experienced much pain before.

I would be tempted to write to the surgery and say what you’ve said to us, that you appreciate no laws were broken but that it might be best practise to ask the patient (if they’re under 18) if they want an adult present for a procedure.

Sorry this happened OP, I would feel upset and some Mum guilt about not going, fillings don’t last forever and next time you can treat him to a white one.

At 16 I would accompany DD to the GP and dentist but wait outside in case she needed support/debrief but I wouldn’t go in with her. Most 16 year olds are mature enough to make routine medical decisions for themselves.