AIBU to complain after NHS dentist did filling for my 16 year-old?

Following a routine check up and as they had time and a free slot there and then, I got offered a white coloured temporary filling on my back bottom tooth by my NHS dentist but they said it wouldn't last long term like a silver coloured one.. or I could pay for a white composite permanent filling privately which i did opt for there and then (£250), earlier this year. Glad to have been given the choice and options explained to decide over. Based in Berkshire if that matters.

A 16yr old is still very young and inexperienced. They might appreciate having an adult/parent to speak to first and not feel pressurised in to something they weren't fully clear about with it being the first time they had a fillim.
As a parent I'd be bloody annoyed that they gave my child a silver filling not a white one.
OP, YANBU

The whole thing was ‘terrifying’ I actually can’t 🤣🤣🤣

That last sentence, AI fail 🫣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I think you're massively overreacting. The lad needed a filling, you don't need to mentally prepare for a minor procedure like that, and they don't need a parent to authorise anything. He might have chosen not to tell you if he knows you were expecting a 'glowing report' 🤨

I accidentally said YANBU when I meant YABU.
If they were old and competent enough to go alone then they are also old enough to be Gillick competent. If you they don’t have the skills to speak up for themselves then they needed someone with them and that’s on you. It’s unrealistic to think dentists should double check with parents from 16 up. They are only a year off driving a car which involves making loads of decisions and judgements! It’s quite reasonable to assume if they are alone they don’t need parental input and I suspect the dentist wouldn’t have proceeded if there were obvious concerns about competency.

Would you like help drafting a formal complaint letter to the practice manager once you see what the consensus is on your post?

😂

I think you might want to tell your chat GPT you are in the UK op. Consent to medical procedures is from 16. He is 16. He consented. The end.

You have no complaint. And they can’t discuss his with you without his consent.

YABU.
If you didn't feel your son was competent to deal with the appointment you should have gone in with him.
As it is, the dentist rightly considered your son has agency and is of age to give consent, being over 16.
What was the dentist supposed to do? Ask your son to check with his parents first?

Whilst I can understand it’s upsetting to need a first filling, NHD dentistry is a sought after resource for many people.
Dentists have left the NHS over the years as the amount they are paid doesn’t always fully cover their costs.
It seems very unlikely that they would perform unnecessary work now, although I know that was an issue for a minority in the past.

Ah, this is very true. I was just thinking it would have been a good opportunity to call his parents.

You are being ridiculous.

No definitely don't complain to the NHS - the dentist was doing their job. NHS dentists struggle to break even anyway & the filling did need doing & the sooner the better to avoid the decay spreading. It was sensible use of NHS time. If they had waited to consult with you he may have waited several weeks or months for an available appointment.

If you want to be fussy then you need to register with a private dentist.

Leave the very hard to come by NHS space for someone who needs it & will appreciate it.

If you let us know where it is I would be very grateful to travel almost anywhere in the UK for NHS dental treatment.

If you can’t even write your own post on MN it’s no wonder your 16 year old doesn’t have the gumption to say no to a filling he doesn’t want.

Visions of the OP staring fixedly into the gobs of every poor passer-by, yanking their jaws open, "look at that obvious amalgum filling at the back there"!

What a load of nonsense. Bet the lad never gave any of it a thought.

If you feel this strongly, you surely should have gone with him?

16 so in the weird grey area between adult and child but definitely able to consent to medical treatment without mummy. My DS is 16 and goes to the dentist alone now too. I wouldn’t think twice about a filling, most adults have them. Who on earth is looking at a person’s molars?

Legally your son is able to consent and there’s no requirement to consult you.

nhs dentistry is incredibly badly paid and dentists don’t even break even on it so the dentist will not have done this for profit.

I have had loads of fillings ( I know, nothing to brag about!) and the pain goes after the treatment. It's only temporary where the needle goes in. He will be fine. They know what they're doing.

Go with him next time if you want to dictate all medical treatments. Unless he had SEN then leave him to get on with it.

@Claryyy

1. past “track record” of never having required a filling doesn’t mean that he didn’t require one this time - surely everyone who’s ever had a filling for the first time would argue that they’re being duped ?

2. did your Son sign a consent form ? I’m not a dentist but I would have thought things should have been explained to him and him at least been given the option to have a white filling. Are you saying this wasn’t explained to him at all because it was offered to me when I’ve had my (1st ever 🤭) filling so definitely think that’s odd. Usually NHS dentists can do the composite ones too also id have expected them to have offered it at least.

3. re being pressured - Its very tricky and depends on the nature of your son. It’s awful if he did actually feel pressured into doing it. But that doesn’t necessarily mean he was. He may never have been in that situation before and felt overwhelmed which is not the same as pressured into it. I can see how the interaction may be daunting for some 16 year olds who haven’t had to make many decisions before and an internal pressure to get it done and get out of there is different from someone putting pressure on you.

Someone saying “I can do it now for you, do you want me to do it” is very different to “it’s extremely important you get it done now, if you don’t you will likely never get the opportunity again soon and you may have awful tooth pain” - perhaps you should clarify the actual wording and seperate the emotion from it. I would also as others have said try and speak to your son about things he could do in the future if in a situation like this. He could have said can I just call my Mum quickly about it (assuming he has a phone), said thanks but not sure I’ll try and rebook, etc. he does have agency and that’s on him and you to ensure he can communicate his boundaries.

Another option is that that your reaction to your son getting a filling without your consent has led him to say that he felt pressured into it as he felt he has to justify it to you.

If he genuinely was pressured and there’s some more evidence to support this then I do think that’s not ok and agree that you should complain about that specifically.

4. I’m sorry he has been in pain with the local anaesthetic- my experience is that the pain is usually only when it goes in and then the mouth feels numb after - if still in pain / uncomfy then definitely report back to the dentist about it, however in order to get either a composite of a silver filling local anaesthetic must be used (unless you’re cruel) so I don’t think that this could be avoided

They didnt technically do anything wrong but it’s worth making a complaint so that they think about it next time they have a young person in their chair.

The dentist made sure the tooth did not become worse so she filled the hole. If you want to, book another appointment for the amalgam to get removed and a composite one put in its place. Not a big deal. Honestly. The dentist was just getting on with her job.

Maybe people should get a private dentist then, instead of using a valuable NHS place

He can have it replaced, as I agree with some other posters that amalgam isn't good for health. But it would need to be replaced by a dentist who uses the SMART/ IAOMT protocol to ensure it's removed safely and mercury isn't absorbed by the body during removal.

My DC has had two fillings recently, both done during a routine check-up. I was glad we didn’t have to make another appointment each time. I don’t see a problem with that. If your DC isn’t mature or confident enough to deal with such an appointment alone, then they should have had a parent with them.

Making a complaint would be daft IMO. You know your child better than them and if you thought they were ok to go along, you can’t blame the dentist for following your lead. There’s always a risk that something will need to be done.