AIBU to complain after NHS dentist did filling for my 16 year-old?

OP, I think you’ve been given a hard time here. 16 year olds differ so much in their ability to advocate for themselves in these sorts of situations, as do all adults really.

I would write to the practice and my main point would be that your son felt pressured to have the filling done there and then, and therefore It cannot be informed consent if he has been pressured into it. If he wants to switch to a white filling I would ask them to cover the cost, however I’d let the dust settle a bit before he makes that decision.

I am registered at a practice who massively try to upsell, and think it would be difficult to say no to some of this stuff if you’re at all vulnerable/uncertain/not well informed. From the point of first contact they try to sell, be it whitening, invisalign or unnecessary visits to the hygienist. I have recently been told by one dentist that I need a filling that I absolutely know I do not need.

A good opportunity to speak to your son about following a gut feeling, extracting himself from uncomfortable situations and buying time if he’s uncertain.

edited to add: if you do complain please don’t use AI to write the complaint for you. It won’t help.

At 16 he is deemed capable of making his own medical decisions. You can waste everyone’s time by complaining if you like but it won’t get you anywhere other than a reputation as a helicopter parent. If you don’t think he is capable of making deck ons by himself you need to go with him. I have attended appointments with much older “kids” as they have said they would want my opinion if there is a decision to be made.

Same. It's very good at putting nonsense into language that sounds plausible, but the content remains nonsense.

If he’s not able to advocate for himself that YABU to send him on his own

I think they definitely should have either phoned you or given your son the chance to phone them.

Now he’s stuck with a grey filling that he doesn’t want.

If you think he's old enough to go on his own, did you not think that something may happen? Tbh, NHS dentist it's amazing to get anything done, let alone there and then. They've been known to hold back treatments, esp expensive ones because they don't want to spend out.

If he felt pressured then no, it's not good. It's a life lesson though, going forward, he can learn to say no/second opinion. Sorry, but don't think you have an complaint here unless he really was bullied.

The only thing I would be a bit upset about is not giving the option of a white filling. Did the dentist offer that option to your DC? I would expect a 16 year old to be competent enough to go to the dentist and have a filling unless they have special needs. If you didn’t think he was competent you should have accompanied him.

Ffs, total over reaction. I think you both need to grow up.

Re the AI I respond to nhs complaints. Lots of people use it. It does not help, over legalises the language and dehumanises the issues. It does NOT make us respond to complaints differently, it just makes us wish complainants had written it themselves.

I’d be falling over myself for that filling. My ds was told he needed a filling in April. Next available appointment was August. We turned up and there was some problem with equipment and they couldn’t do it. We had to re-book with a random different dentist for December. If we wanted to see the proper children’s dentist who he normally sees, it would have been February. Nearly a whole year’s wait time just for a filling!

He can always have it removed and redone later in life. At least it’s not rotting away for the next year.

You need to redo your AI settings so that it doesn’t just agree with you, but challenges your ideas too.

Good post. 'I couldn't be arsed to get involved, but now it's turned out differently compared to if I had been arsed to get involved, I'm furious and I'm going to complain. But I can't really be arsed to do that either so I'll get AI to do it.'

You are lucky yo have him treated so soon.
NHS in my area is non existence (and for kids)

I would be sending a thank you card for being proactive

YANBU.

Yes, you need to formally complain. Did they even explain to him about the option of choosing a white filling?

As it was his first filling and he was only 16yrs old, he should have been given the opportunity to go away and talk it over with his parents.

I had several completely unnecessary amalgam fillings as a kid as that dentist was PROVEN seriously corrupt and my mum just assumed he was honest.

I think you should threaten legal action as they haven’t handled this appropriately at all.

Nope

Congratulations for having a NHS dentist. As other posters have said, this is a luxury most people don't have access to. So I would personally be grateful for the prompt treatment. I'm assuming nothing has gone wrong with the filling, therefore what have you got to make a complaint about?

16 years old can give consent or refuse their medical treatments. 16-18 is like a transition age where they can begin to move from paediatric to adult services. Therefore it's your own judgement as his parent if he can make such a decision, and letting him go in on his own would suggest you do? If not maybe next time accompany him.

Why don't you believe he needed it? And yes if a dentist says you've got a hole that needs filling you have it done. Especially if it's NHS which most of us would bite your hand off for.

It's not healthy to have unfilled cavities. And who cares if it's silver you can't see anything except if you were actually a dentist?! White composite fillings in the back are a luxury. Would you have wanted him to consent to that and then you have to pay extra?

Sorry but you're off key to be pissed that a dentist filled your kids rotten tooth!

If your son were 6 rather than 16 you might have a point.

I would be annoyed too as would also have wanted the chance to pay for a white filling.

comments like this completely miss the point or take any accountability whatsoever.

if you believe your 16 year old doesn’t have the skills to make a decision on the spot or to be able to say ‘thank you so much for offering this now, but I’d like to speak to my parents/research first’ then that is absolutely fine, and totally normal, but…

you don’t then send them to a medical appointment on their own!

you can’t have it both ways!

100%

You can't cope with someone being grateful just to see a dentist even if it's NHS?
Are you private by any chance? You will probably say no to fit the narrative.
The 'shitshow' isn't free, we pay for it through through taxes and NI.
I would take treatment from a trained chimp if I knew it would help sort my teeth out and I could get dentures fitted.

Why would they pay for a replacement? They have solved the problem, if you don't like the solution offered, you'd have had to pay the alternative yourself anyway.

16 seems to be a funny age when it comes to medical matters.

My dd went for a blood test, I drove her to the surgery and sat in the waiting room when she went in. The nurse came out and said I had to be with her due to her age. Fine, not a problem.

I rang up for her results and was told I couldn't have them, she would need to ring.
Utterly bizarre 🤯

I wouldn't be mad with the dentist, they treated the hole there are then, rather than him having to trail back to the dentist weeks later.

OP you are unreasonable. If I had a hole in my tooth I would be delighted if the dentist could fill it immediately rather than waiting weeks or even months for an appointment. So what if he would prefer a white filling. There is nothing stopping you making an appointment for the silver filling to be replaced at your expense. You are worried that the dentist used anaesthetic? Really? Personally I would prefer having a filling having first been anethetised. But that's just me .