AIBU to complain after NHS dentist did filling for my 16 year-old?

This is crazy in so many ways
(and this isn’t created by fucking AI)

1: Your child is over 16 therefore they can do these procedures without your presence and holding his hand

2: You chose to send him alone, therefore you must have confidence in his ability to be independent and manage without you holding his hand

3:You say he felt pressured To have the procedure done. I’d imagine he was reluctant because he’d never experienced that before. And the dentist are well aware that people can be afraid of having filling so they would have done their best to just get the procedure done.
It is not in their interest to pressurise teenagers into things they don’t want to do. It was not for any financial gain for the NHS quite the opposite. They weren’t amputating his arm or leg (without you holding his little hand).

4: perhaps you shouldn’t be so cocky in assuming you know and trust your 16-year-old son with his ability to advocate for himself and probably look after his teeth properly.

5:You’re on the road to being overbearing you might want to look in the mirror. A good mother-in-law you will not make - given your over reaction to this very standard procedure.

6:Reacting in the way that you have, you have set your son a model response.

7:My response would’ve been ‘well done for getting through it’, ‘so good they could fit you in before it could get any bigger’ or ‘before he could overthink it’.

8:EXCEPT you you’ve chosen to go into complete rant mode. You should be congratulating your son on attending by himself and getting this done. It wouldn’t have been any less pain, painful or ”Terrifying” if you had been there holding his little hand.

9:This was such a brilliant opportunity to show him he can do difficult things by himself and you have blown it big time.

Get a grip. The kid is 16. Nobody forced him into getting a filling.

My uncle went to the doctor and was told he had atrial fibrillation. My uncle's a wily old fox though and wasn't going to be fooled - he told the quack that his heart had been fine up til then so he just walked out. One-nil to my uncle! He's dead now.

I’m a dentist. I commented already early in the thread. However it’s been such an interesting discussion that I can’t help myself and want to come back to address a few points that have been made. all are valid by the way!!!

why on earth should the dentist be asked to cover the cost of the white filling? There is absolutely no reason to request this. The dentist had a patient in the chair, was of the legal age to consent.

We don’t know because the OP has not come back to the thread but hopefully the dentist has taken good notes and possibly radiographs. you can diagnose caries without the need for radiographs and it’s always best to only take them if really necessary. But they do help to justify decisions in cases like this.

I would assume a conversation took place. I would hope that the reason a filling was required would have been explained and documented. Options would have been given. The OP needs to establish that all of this occurred before becoming “fuming”

The dentist will not have profited from this procedure at all, ( added this as a few posters have suggested this) The reason they offered to this straight away was just that this was the most efficient use of time.

a private white filling would have been more than £100 most likely. Personally I would have advised a 16 year old to have a think and come back another time when they could have a chat with mum, who would be the one paying. But I still don’t think the dentist did anything wrong.

regarding the comments about amalgam on this thread. Dentists have been using versions of amalgam for two hundred years. Yes, of course there are issues around mercury toxicity but modern amalgam is not toxic to humans, else why would it still be used? Modern amalgam is encapsulated, fast setting, uses high volume aspiration, safe disposal measures and good ventilation to remove and place safely. Plus it’s great! Easy to use, works well and can often last up to 30 years with no issues!!

The main concern with amalgam is quite rightly the environmental impact. See the Minimata convention. It has already been banned in the EU and has been phased down with the plan to remove completely by 2034. I’ll be retired by then!
The issue really just now is to find a cheap, hard wearing alternative. Composite ( white) fillings are very expensive, slower and technically challenging to place, don’t last as long as amalgam and are not suitable for very large cavities. The government are concerned how to incorporate posterior composite fillings into the NHS and how that will work.

But back to the OP, it is worth providing feedback to the practice. I would maybe speak directly to the practice manager rather than relying on ChatGPT. I would ask for the facts first, however they may be unwilling to speak to you without your son’s consent. Advise them in future it is best practice when faced with any 16 year old, to give them the option of a white filling, and that they should suggest to the patient to check with the bill payer! However also acknowledge that you weren’t actually there, and in hindsight, the situation arose because of that reason.

ps I have two full time trainee dental
nurses working alongside me in practice. They are hardworking, sensible and can make decisions for themselves really well. I don’t need to phone their mums before arranging their hep B vaccination. I trust them to be able to make informed decisions regarding their own health

I'm marvelling at the fact that someone has actually managed to get NHS dental treatment in the first place tbh

People don't realise that dentistry is as subject to opinions as much as any other profession. One dentist will recommend a filling for a smaller or slow growing cavity whereas another will recommend waiting. It doesn't mean either of them are wrong or lying. People always want to believe the better outcome but it doesn't mean it's right.

Do you not understand how decay works?

I'm not convinced the thread is genuine. Usual hallmarks.

I’m think you’re being a bit naive. Ask around, plenty of people will give examples of dentists who have inappropriately recommended fillings. I don’t know the benefit, payment? Practice bonus scheme? Power? Who knows? But I would say it’s not a rare occurrence just from chats I’ve had with family/friends regarding just this over the years.

Why would you think someone would lie about someone needing a filling?

A private dentist treating an adult might get extra money - but even that’s risky.

But there would have nothing in it for the dentist.
He loses an extra break.

Many kids have good teeth and it’s only as they get older that problems start, especially as teens when they have more say over what they eat/drink and how much they brush them etc

It’s very normal to have good teeth for years and then one day need a filling.

That's "if" he actually needed one. I would be sceptable if I turned up, with previously good teeth/no fillings/no pain etc, to be told I needed it and needed it now.

Is this because you feel bad he has a filling and now you can’t proudly say your son has never has a filling?

You can have silver fillings replaced if it bothers him. My husband had 4 from his teenage years and we paid for them to be replaced with white composite a few months ago and it took about 20 minutes.

YANBU.
Honestly - I would complain and find a new dentist if you can. My Partner had some similar - we moved and he went to a new dentist (NHS) who told him he needed 4 "minor" fillings. He never had any on his life. They wanted to do them there here and then. Luckily he didn't l, and got.a second opinion. Low and behold - he didn't need any. 7 years later - his teeth are perfect and he still has 0 fillings.

Berengariaoftheverylowcountries
You sound quite deranged. He’s 16. It’s not all about you. He needs to learn to advocate for himself now.

very harsh

Do you really think that a dentist would lie about him needing a filling?

The dentist would have been able to have an extra break if he had only needed a quick check up.

No one would choose to do extra work just for the hell of it.

Also you say he wasn’t prepared for it - surely when you go to the dentist or doctor you prepare yourself for additional treatment/tests.

I remember going to the doctor about symptoms and them taking a blood test at the same appointment.
Nowadays you’ll probably have to arrange a second appointment just for a blood test due them being so busy so I expect it less when I go to the gp but at the dentist I always expect that I might have treatment.

I think this is on you for not preparing yourself child.

Such is the entitlement of some people on here. Just go private and let us dregs of society have the N.H.S dentist appointments WE need but can't access. I work but can't afford to fanny around naval gazing about filling colours.
As for advising to sue the dentist? Some people are one huge joke on here, no wonder their NT kids can't cope with the basics of life.

True. But that’s the nature of MN/SM in general - we only have the OP’s account to go by. If it was as she stated in the OP then I think she has a point. But as you allude, there are three sides to every story!

According to helicopter mum the OP they did not. We don't know what was actually said.

Can’t believe what I am reading. Get a grip. If you don’t like the dental service provided by the NHS, or metal fillings, give his NHS space up for a person who will actually appreciate it.

I don't think they have done anything "wrong" but I think I would have been a bit surprised in the same situation.

My DS is ND (autistic, ADHD, struggles with eye contact and gets facial tics when he is anxious) and at 24 still prefers someone to accompany him to appointments and be in the waiting room, so we do accommodate him where possible if his girlfriend or another friend can't go with him. But I do make him "do the talking" and say who he is and why he is there etc. At 16 I wouldn't have got him through the door unless I was there, in person, in the room with him.

I realise my situation is extreme, but I think the opposite end of the scale where you found yourself is also extreme.

But if your boy looks older and went in confidently, then they just did what they would normally do for other adults.

Perhaps you need to have a conversation with your son about whether he feels ready to do appointments independently or whether he would still like to have you in the waiting room for a while longer. Either is fine.

I agree but also the girl shouldn’t feel pressured to go on the pill and the clinician should make sure she fully understands the benefits, risks and alternatives. It doesn’t sound like the dentist did this.

If your child has got to 16 (legally old enough to have his own child) and you’ve not equipped him to deal with basic medical appointments, unless there is a SEN drip feed, it’s your parenting that’s the problem not the dentist.

And please stop filling the internet with AI dross.

FFS, this is a joke isn't it? Wait a moment it's MN so probably not.🙄

No, it’s no people experiencing gratitude that grates, it’s people insisting that others should do so for objectively poor treatment (assuming an objective viewpoint of normal dental practice and standards in countries with similar GDP).

I absolutely realise we pay for it via taxes. I was trying to express the simplistic argument that many advance - ‘shitshow but free (at point of care)’.

I use private when I can afford to and cannot get adequate treatment on the NHS, dental and medical. I don’t always feel it is necessary and sometimes I do feel it is necessary or would at least be very desirable, but I cannot afford it. I realise that being able to afford any private treatment is a privilege. I do not think it means I am not entitled to an opinion on the NHS or that my NHS experiences aren’t valid.

I hope you are able to get the help you need with your teeth, it must be tremendously stressful and painful going from even your short description. I wish you all the best.

This seems like a great opportunity to talk to your son about resilience and decision making.

I doubt he was pressured. They would have said "we can do it now, do you want to?". Not "if you don't do it now, all your family will be killed and you will never get a job".

He needs to learn to make decisions on his own and this seems like a fairly useful example of regretting one.
Don't we all have something similar? I remember agreeing to do a babysitting job when I was 16 when I didn't want to work for that family and very quickly regretting agreeing.
And after that I was ready and prepared to politely turn down clients I didn't want.

No one is going to notice the filling. Chalk it down to life experience.