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AIBU?

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Original poster

Woman in underwear in own home

309 replies

Alee36 · 11/09/2026 23:35

I'm raging and need to know if I'm blowing this out of proportion.We live in a first floor maisonette, house conversion. We moved in a month and a bit ago and (granted) for two weeks we were without curtains or blinds. Our living room window is at the front of the house and we have a large bay, so the main section of the living area is quite set back from the window.

I have returned from a rare evening out to my husband relaying a conversation he had with the next door neighbour, who knocked on the door. For context we have not met this neighbour yet. Apparently the neighbour said they are having their guttering done at some point next week, and that they will do ours at the same time (lovely,thanks). He then went on to say that last time his contractor was here, he 'saw your partner walking around in her underwear'. This has really bothered me, and more so because my husband said he doesn't see the big deal. My feelings are these:

  1. It was a heatwave
  2. I was in my own home
  3. It would have been huge granny pants akin to shorts and a vest or crop top- you'd see more scantily clad people in the park or at the beach
  4. I wouldn't have been parading in front of the fucking window, but rather just living my life and walking through
  5. My husband frequently walked around in his pants in the heatwave, unsurprisingly this wasn't mentioned
  6. Call me old fashioned, but a gentleman would avert his gaze and crack on with his job?

Overall, why on earth has a contractor passed on this information to our neighbour and why has my neighbour thought it appropriate to then tell my husband? Isn't that weird? That me in my underwear at home is being discussed in a chain of men. Like wtf? If he was trying to be helpful he could have had some tact, and said oh by the way we can see in your windows or something along those lines. I just find it bizzare and inappropriate, and actually quite sexist. Woman in underwear in own home- alert the press. In other news, bikinis allowed on beaches and forks found in kitchen.

Also they are doing the guttering at 'some point next week', so am I to hide out all next week lest I offend with my pjs or whatever I want to wear in my own fucking home?!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Flamingojune · 12/09/2026 16:39

BabblingBiddy · 12/09/2026 16:33

What about upstairs where there arent "passersby"?

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Neighbours opposite so i close the blinds.

Timeforachange26 · 12/09/2026 16:37

BabblingBiddy · 12/09/2026 16:33

What about upstairs where there arent "passersby"?

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Lol I once lived in a 7th floor flat so was often wandering around in underwear or naked and didn't bother with curtains half the time. Got a bloody shock one day after a bath walking into the bedroom to see a man on scaffolding walking past the window

BabblingBiddy · 12/09/2026 16:33

Flamingojune · 12/09/2026 16:21

I don't walk around my house in my underwear cos i don't want neighbours or passer bys to see me.

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What about upstairs where there arent "passersby"?

Milliegum · 12/09/2026 16:30

This reply has been deleted

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Flamingojune · 12/09/2026 16:21

TakeMe2Insanity · 12/09/2026 15:12

The problem here and EVERYWHERE is MEN! They don’t avert their gaze or even lower their gaze.

I don't walk around my house in my underwear cos i don't want neighbours or passer bys to see me.

Milliegum · 12/09/2026 15:37

What a way to ruin your rare night out. And leave you “raging” as you go to bed

Your husband could have waited at least for the morning

Gallowayan · 12/09/2026 15:17

For me its the fact that they are looking through your window and discussing what they saw that is creepy and inappropriate. Express this to your neighbour an ask them to employ someone else.

Timeforachange26 · 12/09/2026 15:13

HeddaGarbled · 12/09/2026 00:14

He’d called round about the gutters not this. You can do what you like, but I’d be amused by someone walking around in front of windows in their underwear, male or female, and might well gossip about it to neighbours.

It doesn’t have to be sexist or pervy or pearl-clutchy - just commenting on something that most people don’t do and is a bit ‘Carry On Matron’.

Why would you gossip about it?

TwoBagsOfCompost · 12/09/2026 15:12

You’re getting a bizarrely hard time on here, OP. It was an annoying incident absolutely. I’d expect the contractor to not think twice and definitely not mentioning it to anyone unless he thought seeing someone in their underwear is a big deal? I’d then definitely expect the neighbour to not mention it, and to be honest if it was me who had hired that contractor I’d think they’re a right idiot and not hire them again.

TakeMe2Insanity · 12/09/2026 15:12

The problem here and EVERYWHERE is MEN! They don’t avert their gaze or even lower their gaze.

middleagedmermaid · 12/09/2026 15:12

Had a similar situation here with my nephew (7 years old) and a telescope. My nephew has a telescope at my dad's house and he told me dad he could see a "lady changing" when he was looking out for the meteor shower..my Dad moved the telescope to a different room but worried for weeks he'd be labelled a creeper! Is it possible that the contractor is a man of dad age in a similar pickle? To my lovely old dad (late 60s) underwear and bikinis are two very different things, along with the awareness that somebody is seeing you. A bikini on the beach is something you have chosen to be seen in but, to the dad aged mind, you being at home in your underwear and him being able to see it is him inadvertently invading your privacy and he might have wanted to make it clear to the neighbour that this was unintentional in case it ever came up. The neighbour didn't communicate it well and I, like you, couldn't care less but would be annoyed that it's a topic of conversation.

LuckyHazelFox · 12/09/2026 15:10

chirrupybird · 12/09/2026 15:07

I would assume the neighbour thought you weren't aware that you could be seen so was just giving the information, particularly if the workman is back next week. If you know you can be seen and don't mind fine.

Like any normal person would.

chirrupybird · 12/09/2026 15:07

I would assume the neighbour thought you weren't aware that you could be seen so was just giving the information, particularly if the workman is back next week. If you know you can be seen and don't mind fine.

UniquePinkSwan · 12/09/2026 15:04

GoldenSandy · 12/09/2026 09:09

You are entitled to do whatever you like and wear whatever you like in your home. And you're absolutely right they'd have said nothing about men in pants.

Tell them to fuck off OP.

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Or maybe it was just a heads up like a normal person would assume…

nomas · 12/09/2026 15:02

Notsosweetcaroline · 12/09/2026 14:56

He’s likely assumed she doesn’t know. As said, most women, myself included, do not wish to be seen by the public in my underwear; I’m no prude, but it is not the same as the beach, at all.

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She’s not in public, she’s in her own home. She’s not even sitting by the window, she says her living area is set back far from the window.

BabblingBiddy · 12/09/2026 15:01

IStillHearTheWaves · 12/09/2026 14:48

That's quite odd. I would decline the contractor and tell the neighbour it's pervy to look at people in their homes in their undies and comment on it.

Equally, the contractor could say he felt sexually harassed by a woman presenting herself in a state of undress while he was trying to work - you can't help what you see, after all.

Both scenarios ridiculous.

Edited

Sexually harrased when she was in her own home? Don't be ridiculous

nomas · 12/09/2026 15:00

Notsosweetcaroline · 12/09/2026 14:55

I don’t see how, he has simply mentioned it. If he wanted to look at her he’d have said nothing.

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OP has mentioned her living room is set quite far back so he seems to have made an effort to see her.

And of course men who look could still look to blame the woman for what she’s wearing.

Notsosweetcaroline · 12/09/2026 14:56

nomas · 12/09/2026 14:53

The issue is that the contractor has made an issue of OP in her own home, which puts his motives in suspicion.

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He’s likely assumed she doesn’t know. As said, most women, myself included, do not wish to be seen by the public in my underwear; I’m no prude, but it is not the same as the beach, at all.

Notsosweetcaroline · 12/09/2026 14:55

nomas · 12/09/2026 14:53

The issue is that the contractor has made an issue of OP in her own home, which puts his motives in suspicion.

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I don’t see how, he has simply mentioned it. If he wanted to look at her he’d have said nothing.

nomas · 12/09/2026 14:53

Notsosweetcaroline · 12/09/2026 14:51

I do find it odd on here that whenever a thread is started where someone is naked or partially naked in their home where people can see in. The person who sees them is considered the pervert. I don’t think there is anyone who wouldn’t second look if they spotted their neighbour semi naked, naked or shagging in front of their window.

The issue is that the contractor has made an issue of OP in her own home, which puts his motives in suspicion.

nomas · 12/09/2026 14:52

IStillHearTheWaves · 12/09/2026 14:50

The contractor didn't see a man walking around in his pants, though, he saw a woman.

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OP said her and her husband were both in their underwear. Funny how the contractor didn’t see the H.

And OP was wearing a camisole, she wasn’t bare chested.

Notsosweetcaroline · 12/09/2026 14:51

I do find it odd on here that whenever a thread is started where someone is naked or partially naked in their home where people can see in. The person who sees them is considered the pervert. I don’t think there is anyone who wouldn’t second look if they spotted their neighbour semi naked, naked or shagging in front of their window.

IStillHearTheWaves · 12/09/2026 14:50

nomas · 12/09/2026 14:36

That just implies a man in his underwear has nothing to be ashamed of whilst a woman in hers and a camisole should be ashamed.

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The contractor didn't see a man walking around in his pants, though, he saw a woman.

IStillHearTheWaves · 12/09/2026 14:48

That's quite odd. I would decline the contractor and tell the neighbour it's pervy to look at people in their homes in their undies and comment on it.

Equally, the contractor could say he felt sexually harassed by a woman presenting herself in a state of undress while he was trying to work - you can't help what you see, after all.

Both scenarios ridiculous.

nomas · 12/09/2026 14:36

RaininSummer · 12/09/2026 14:30

I don't think a man would care that much though would he.

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That just implies a man in his underwear has nothing to be ashamed of whilst a woman in hers and a camisole should be ashamed.

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