Page 2 | Woman in underwear in own home

Alee36 · 2026-09-11T22:35:45+00:00

I'm raging and need to know if I'm blowing this out of proportion.We live in a first floor maisonette, house conversion. We moved in a month and a bit ago and (granted) for two weeks we were without curtains or blinds. Our living room window is at the front of the house and we have a large bay, so the main section of the living area is quite set back from the window. I have returned from a rare evening out to my husband relaying a conversation he had with the next door neighbour, who knocked on the door. For context we have not met this neighbour yet. Apparently the neighbour said they are having their guttering done at some point next week, and that they will do ours at the same time (lovely,thanks). He then went on to say that last time his contractor was here, he 'saw your partner walking around in her underwear'. This has really bothered me, and more so because my husband said he doesn't see the big deal. My feelings are these: 1. It was a heatwave 1. I was in my own home 1. It would have been huge granny pants akin to shorts and a vest or crop top- you'd see more scantily clad people in the park or at the beach 1. I wouldn't have been parading in front of the fucking window, but rather just living my life and walking through 1. My husband frequently walked around in his pants in the heatwave, unsurprisingly this wasn't mentioned 1. Call me old fashioned, but a gentleman would avert his gaze and crack on with his job? Overall, why on earth has a contractor passed on this information to our neighbour and why has my neighbour thought it appropriate to then tell my husband? Isn't that weird? That me in my underwear at home is being discussed in a chain of men. Like wtf? If he was trying to be helpful he could have had some tact, and said oh by the way we can see in your windows or something along those lines. I just find it bizzare and inappropriate, and actually quite sexist. Woman in underwear in own home- alert the press. In other news, bikinis allowed on beaches and forks found in kitchen. Also they are doing the guttering at 'some point next week', so am I to hide out all next week lest I offend with my pjs or whatever I want to wear in my own fucking home?! AIBU?

Original poster

Alee36 · 15/09/2026 17:02

SandyHappyPerson · 15/09/2026 16:34

'the last time my contractors were here your wife was walking around in her underwear'.

That isn't what was in your OP. Your OP says "the contractor saw your wife walking around in her underwear"..

There is a massive difference, saying 'your wife was walking round in her underwear' implies you were doing something wrong, which is the way you have incorrectly taken it, and that isn't actually what he said or meant. Saying the contractor saw you, is informing you that the contractor was able to see into your flat at a time that you were undressed.

He is letting you know because some people would be absolutely mortified to come face to face with a contractor at a first floor window while they were only in their underwear, he isn't passing judgement, he is telling you so you can make an informed decision next time the contractor is coming, which was the reason he came round in the first place, to tell you when he was coming back.

It IS a heads up and you are being thoroughly obtuse trying to make it into something it isn't. To be honest, fair play to him, because that is an awkward conversation to have, but he may be worried about his contractor being labelled a pervert.

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I think you're being rather more definitive about his intentions than I was! You can interpret it as an entirely well meaning headsup, and that's fair enough, but neither of us actually knows what he meant by it do we.

My post was asking precisely because I wasn't sure how to interpret the comment. I found it odd that he specifically told my husband that a contractor had seen me in my underwear, rather than simply saying that the contractors could see into our flat and giving us a heads-up for next time.

And I don't think the distinction you've drawn between “your wife was walking around in her underwear” and “the contractor saw your wife walking around in her underwear” is quite as enormous as you're suggesting. In both cases, the salient information he chose to relay to my husband was that I had been seen in my underwear.

As for the suggestion that he might be worried about his contractor being “labelled a pervert”, that's a fairly extraordinary leap. I did question in my op why the contractor didn't simply avert his eyes rather than mention seeing me to the neighbour, who then chose to relay it to my husband. Questioning why that chain of information was necessary is not remotely the same thing as accusing someone of being a pervert. Nothing I've said suggests I think the contractor deliberately watched me, had sexual motives, or is some sort of threat.

You may well be right that it was completely innocent and intended kindly, several people have offered that interpretation and I've taken it on board. But calling me “thoroughly obtuse” because I found the whole interaction uncomfortable seems a strange take, particularly while presenting your own interpretation of a conversation you weren't present for as established fact.

OP posts:

Purplecatshopaholic · 15/09/2026 16:38

I wander about my house in all sorts of things, some skimpier than others. If anyone has noticed they’ve never said, but I’d be amused more than anything if they did. Let’s face it, with the weather being hot recently there have been some fair old sights to see in the towns etc, I’m pretty sure though that you can wear what you like in your own home.

SandyHappyPerson · 15/09/2026 16:34

Alee36 · 15/09/2026 14:46

If you were to give someone that type of heads up, would you not say something along the lines of 'just letting you know, as before you had your curtains up I believe your flat was visible to the contractors' rather than 'the last time my contractors were here your wife was walking around in her underwear'. I'm not sure if people are not reading or comprehending my OP or if they're being deliberately obtuse.

No, a typical day/week is not filled with rage (touch wood)

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'the last time my contractors were here your wife was walking around in her underwear'.

That isn't what was in your OP. Your OP says "the contractor saw your wife walking around in her underwear"..

There is a massive difference, saying 'your wife was walking round in her underwear' implies you were doing something wrong, which is the way you have incorrectly taken it, and that isn't actually what he said or meant. Saying the contractor saw you, is informing you that the contractor was able to see into your flat at a time that you were undressed.

He is letting you know because some people would be absolutely mortified to come face to face with a contractor at a first floor window while they were only in their underwear, he isn't passing judgement, he is telling you so you can make an informed decision next time the contractor is coming, which was the reason he came round in the first place, to tell you when he was coming back.

It IS a heads up and you are being thoroughly obtuse trying to make it into something it isn't. To be honest, fair play to him, because that is an awkward conversation to have, but he may be worried about his contractor being labelled a pervert.

Wentforyo · 15/09/2026 16:33

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Annoyedbyhusband · 15/09/2026 16:32

I would want to know about it if someone could see me. tbh they are probably trying to help you out by letting you know that they can see in when doing this work. Rather than not tell you and creepily spy on you, they are saying ‘did you know people can see you in your pants through the window and if we can see you others who are not as decent might see you and take pictures etc’
why would you not want to know this?
they probably could have put it a better way, but it was probably said in good faith to protect your modesty than any other reason.

Wentforyo · 15/09/2026 16:32

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nomas · 15/09/2026 16:31

Alee36 · 15/09/2026 16:25

Yes, poor man. I'm such a siren in my vests and granny pants, walking from my sofa to the kitchen a few times, 3 weeks ago. It's basically the red light district at my house 😂Don't come past here lest you want to meet a temptress from whom you simply cannot look away! Alert the church.

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😂

And someone fetch my smelling salts!

Original poster

Alee36 · 15/09/2026 16:29

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Yes that may be, but overall your point was that no one is not understanding, which is simply not true is it. Are you my neighbour? 😂 You seem very invested. Or maybe you're my dh 😂

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Original poster

Alee36 · 15/09/2026 16:25

nomas · 15/09/2026 16:12

My personal favourite was the accusation that you had sexually harassed the poor builders! 😆

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Yes, poor man. I'm such a siren in my vests and granny pants, walking from my sofa to the kitchen a few times, 3 weeks ago. It's basically the red light district at my house 😂Don't come past here lest you want to meet a temptress from whom you simply cannot look away! Alert the church.

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Wentforyo · 15/09/2026 16:23

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Original poster

Alee36 · 15/09/2026 16:21

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Many are not understanding it actually, if you read through the thread you'll see a number of people who simply do not understand it.

People saying if I don't like it to stop parading in front of the window, people saying that I'm out to get men, that I'm an angry drunk (wasn't even tipsy) people saying that my neighbour did the decent thing, I mean one actually said 'I don't understand the point of this thread.'

So many do not understand at all actually. People don't understand tact or etiquette, male/female dynamics, perceptions and nunace OR they do well understand it, but don't think it's relevant in this case. Which is a difference of opinion.

It's simply not true that 'no one is not understanding' and the amount of people who don't amazes me. Which I think is fine to say.

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nomas · 15/09/2026 16:12

Alee36 · 15/09/2026 15:57

You don't have to agree, and it's also not a crime to not understand! I can be amazed by the amount of people who don't understand my perspective, and still not hold ot against them. Enough people do, to reassure me that I'm not bonkers, and enough people don't to reassure me that my dh isnt a thoughtless div, nor my neighbour a busy body misogynist. I will think what I think ultimately, as will everyone else.

It has been helpful all round, with the exception of a few weird takes like calling me a perv and entitled, but you can't please all the people all the time and all that.

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My personal favourite was the accusation that you had sexually harassed the poor builders! 😆

Comeonbabylightmyaga · 15/09/2026 16:11

I’m barely dressed most of the time. I wouldn’t be bothered by the comment.

We don’t have neighbours but the postman has seen more than he’d like.

IsItSnowing · 15/09/2026 16:00

Alee36 · 15/09/2026 14:46

If you were to give someone that type of heads up, would you not say something along the lines of 'just letting you know, as before you had your curtains up I believe your flat was visible to the contractors' rather than 'the last time my contractors were here your wife was walking around in her underwear'. I'm not sure if people are not reading or comprehending my OP or if they're being deliberately obtuse.

No, a typical day/week is not filled with rage (touch wood)

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To be fair, yes I would say something like that. But some people don't deal with these things very well. And some are, well oversharers. They just can't help blurting it all out.

Wentforyo · 15/09/2026 15:59

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Wentforyo · 15/09/2026 15:58

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Original poster

Alee36 · 15/09/2026 15:57

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You don't have to agree, and it's also not a crime to not understand! I can be amazed by the amount of people who don't understand my perspective, and still not hold ot against them. Enough people do, to reassure me that I'm not bonkers, and enough people don't to reassure me that my dh isnt a thoughtless div, nor my neighbour a busy body misogynist. I will think what I think ultimately, as will everyone else.

It has been helpful all round, with the exception of a few weird takes like calling me a perv and entitled, but you can't please all the people all the time and all that.

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Wentforyo · 15/09/2026 15:39

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TimetoPour · 15/09/2026 15:37

Yeah, raging is probably a bit of an
over reaction.

The workman should get on with his job and keep his sticky beak out of other people’s windows.

The neighbour told your husband that the workman could see you in your underwear. I don’t see a problem with this. He gave you the opportunity to know they are coming back. It’s up to you what you do with the info.

From someone who also walks around half naked and really doesn’t give a shit.

Original poster

Alee36 · 15/09/2026 15:31

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You have it right, I was. But it was Friday night and it's Tuesday afternoon, and I knew who my husband was when I married him, so I can hardly harbour rage all week 😂. Actually none of it bothers me now tbh, it's ridiculous.

My friends echoed my feelings about it, but that felt like confirmation bias, so I thought I'd see what the Mumsnet brigade reckoned.

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Wentforyo · 15/09/2026 15:23

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Wentforyo · 15/09/2026 15:22

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Original poster

Alee36 · 15/09/2026 15:11

nomas · 15/09/2026 14:50

'the last time my contractors were here your wife was walking around in her underwear'.

You're right, OP, that sentence is imbued with judgement, like you were trying to titillate the men.

They all sound like twats, I wouldn't be helping any of them out if they needed it.

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Thank you. It's amazing how many people can't understand that.

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Alee36 · 15/09/2026 15:10

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No, I'm used to us having different takes. He's quite literal, I see more nuance. We're different people and all is well. I can accept that there were perhaps good intentions, clumsily executed, though I still maintain that it was a non event. Not worth mentioning, neither by the contractor or the neighbour. And if he was concerned to save my blushes (of flashing my vest top and shorts pants) then he might have said something at the time, rather than weeks later, after the event, when we have curtains. It's nonsense.

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nomas · 15/09/2026 14:50

Alee36 · 15/09/2026 14:46

If you were to give someone that type of heads up, would you not say something along the lines of 'just letting you know, as before you had your curtains up I believe your flat was visible to the contractors' rather than 'the last time my contractors were here your wife was walking around in her underwear'. I'm not sure if people are not reading or comprehending my OP or if they're being deliberately obtuse.

No, a typical day/week is not filled with rage (touch wood)

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'the last time my contractors were here your wife was walking around in her underwear'.

You're right, OP, that sentence is imbued with judgement, like you were trying to titillate the men.

They all sound like twats, I wouldn't be helping any of them out if they needed it.