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AIBU?

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Original poster

Woman in underwear in own home

309 replies

Alee36 · 11/09/2026 23:35

I'm raging and need to know if I'm blowing this out of proportion.We live in a first floor maisonette, house conversion. We moved in a month and a bit ago and (granted) for two weeks we were without curtains or blinds. Our living room window is at the front of the house and we have a large bay, so the main section of the living area is quite set back from the window.

I have returned from a rare evening out to my husband relaying a conversation he had with the next door neighbour, who knocked on the door. For context we have not met this neighbour yet. Apparently the neighbour said they are having their guttering done at some point next week, and that they will do ours at the same time (lovely,thanks). He then went on to say that last time his contractor was here, he 'saw your partner walking around in her underwear'. This has really bothered me, and more so because my husband said he doesn't see the big deal. My feelings are these:

  1. It was a heatwave
  2. I was in my own home
  3. It would have been huge granny pants akin to shorts and a vest or crop top- you'd see more scantily clad people in the park or at the beach
  4. I wouldn't have been parading in front of the fucking window, but rather just living my life and walking through
  5. My husband frequently walked around in his pants in the heatwave, unsurprisingly this wasn't mentioned
  6. Call me old fashioned, but a gentleman would avert his gaze and crack on with his job?

Overall, why on earth has a contractor passed on this information to our neighbour and why has my neighbour thought it appropriate to then tell my husband? Isn't that weird? That me in my underwear at home is being discussed in a chain of men. Like wtf? If he was trying to be helpful he could have had some tact, and said oh by the way we can see in your windows or something along those lines. I just find it bizzare and inappropriate, and actually quite sexist. Woman in underwear in own home- alert the press. In other news, bikinis allowed on beaches and forks found in kitchen.

Also they are doing the guttering at 'some point next week', so am I to hide out all next week lest I offend with my pjs or whatever I want to wear in my own fucking home?!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Achangeinplan · 12/09/2026 08:07

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Goingncforthisone · 12/09/2026 08:05

Is it possible your husband is making up that part of the conversation - is he embarrassed by your walking around in underwear so used the contractors as an excuse?

Not saying that's right, in fact it's worse, but it's an idea?

OtterlyAstounding · 12/09/2026 08:04

ImogenBrocklehurst · 12/09/2026 07:57

Contractor shouldn’t have said anything.
Neighbour should have kept it to informing your husband about the gutters. You can draw your own conclusions from there.
I wonder if he’d have said anything if you’d answered the door? Because it smacks of “control your woman” to me.

If it was sexism and misogyny, they would've been more likely to either say nothing and quietly perv on her, or make a gross comment to her husband about how she looked in her pants, not say: "btw, the contractor could see your wife walking around in her underwear, and he'll be back sometime next week."

I'm really bewildered as to how informing a woman via her husband that she can be seen in her underwear, while in a space she might expect to be private, is misogynistic.

LuckyHazelFox · 12/09/2026 08:04

OtterlyAstounding · 12/09/2026 02:53

YABU. He's likely just mentioning it because he thinks you aren't aware that you're visible, and might be embarrassed to know people can see you? A polite heads up, as a pp said. Probably the contractor felt awkward and didn't want to be accused of perving.

If you're not bothered at being seen, and think it's no big deal, then why are you so angry he mentioned it?

Exactly and the dismissive attitude that the neighbour has offered to do OP's guttering as well. Smacks very much of a precious attitude all round. Agree on contractor not wanting to be accused of anything either and you can understand why.

Gloriia · 12/09/2026 08:03

OtterlyAstounding · 12/09/2026 07:39

Is this satire?

Maybe it's just because the roofer is male, the neighbour is male, and he bumped into her husband before he saw her? Or maybe he felt awkward telling her face to face? I imagine he's only relaying it as a warning, so that if OP might feel violated by being unexpectedly glimpsed in her pants at home (I know I would) she can take steps to avoid it happening?

Show quote history

This. He's surely just trying to be helpful and maybe didn't think the op know she was visible.

Namechangewegovyjune26 · 12/09/2026 08:01

I’d make a fake newspaper poster on canva with

“Shock news: Woman wears underwear in home during heatwave”

A contractor was shocked to see a woman dressed only in underwear during a heatwave in summer 2026. News reports show she was in a bra and granny pants IN HER OWN HOME.

stick it in your windows 🤣

ilbehonest · 12/09/2026 08:01

title is a bit misleading..... couldn't be bothered about this personally!

Screamingabdabz · 12/09/2026 08:00

I wish a neighbour would pay for me to have my guttering done. Sigh.

Icedvanillacoffee · 12/09/2026 07:59

So many annoying twats in the world. Imagine being the person who said this type of nonsense to someone else.
The whole plot of one of Christie's best novels is about seeing a murder on a train through the window of another train.
I used to work in a school which was squeezed close into a housing estate on one side. The second floor of the school looked directly into the windows of people on the third floor. I was a TA so often standing up and moving around I saw all manner of stuff going on.
Many many people mostly men only wear pants at home. A lot of terrible dancing as well.
At least your gutters should be clean, I am going to have to do mine this autumn. I will spy on my neighbours for you OP.

AmberTigerEyes · 12/09/2026 07:59

MadCatHag · 12/09/2026 07:34

I'm with you, OP - the 'chain of men' thing is the key here - it's misogyny pure and simple - reporting it to your husband as they probably think he needs to keep you under better control or maybe give you a slap for being such a cock tease. Many men are arseholes.

Ffs, when you knock on a door of neighbours you’ve never met you can’t know exactly who is going to answer. There is no way the neighbour could have known OP or her DH would answer the door. It’s not reporting to her husband

Achangeinplan · 12/09/2026 07:58

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LuckyHazelFox · 12/09/2026 07:58

Control your woman 😆 🤣 fucking hell.

Additup · 12/09/2026 07:58

IStillHearTheWaves · 12/09/2026 07:44

Maybe it was just a heads up in case you might be bothered by someone seeing you like that.

This is how I would have taken the comment.

Namechangewegovyjune26 · 12/09/2026 07:57

PollyBell · 12/09/2026 01:45

Did anyone say they were offended, information was passed to you now your'e having a tantrum over it? Why?

I’d hardly call it a tantrum 😅 it’s a discussion forum and OP is discussing her opinion of what happened. Why do you think that’s a “tantrum”?

Zaza2020 · 12/09/2026 07:57

During the hot weather i'd hoover in my underwear. Complete with windows and blinds open. Who cares?? Apart from your neighbour of course. I agree with thong borat style swim suit.... 😅

ImogenBrocklehurst · 12/09/2026 07:57

Contractor shouldn’t have said anything.
Neighbour should have kept it to informing your husband about the gutters. You can draw your own conclusions from there.
I wonder if he’d have said anything if you’d answered the door? Because it smacks of “control your woman” to me.

JassyRadlett · 12/09/2026 07:56

The fact that the guttering is being done absolutely changes the context here from something judgemental/pervy to a more likely explanation of "these guys will be working at your window level, just to make you aware as the last workmen where this happened commented and in case it bothers your wife."

Astra53 · 12/09/2026 07:56

UncannyFanny · 12/09/2026 07:42

Oh the Mumsnet double standards. Wasn’t that long ago a poster was talking about her DH walking around in his pants and everyone was saying how vile he was and what a pervert he was and how gross he was.

Yes! Lots of rants about his sweaty body soiling the sofa!

LuckyHazelFox · 12/09/2026 07:55

MadCatHag · 12/09/2026 07:34

I'm with you, OP - the 'chain of men' thing is the key here - it's misogyny pure and simple - reporting it to your husband as they probably think he needs to keep you under better control or maybe give you a slap for being such a cock tease. Many men are arseholes.

The neighbour shouldn't have bothered. He's just got a taste of why some men can't do right for doing wrong.

AmberTigerEyes · 12/09/2026 07:52

Yabu and massively over reacting. It was mentioned just in case you didn’t know you could be visible to neighbours and would rather not be. You’re making all kinds of sexist assumptions.

Notsosweetcaroline · 12/09/2026 07:51

Why are you so enraged about it. If you really don’t care about people seeing you in your underwear then so what?you were seen, it was said, in case you hadn’t realised, you don’t care who sees you in your underwear as, it won’t jist be the neighbour, and they didn’t say if they also saw your husband in his pants.

its not a big deal. Sure if it bothered you you were seen, yes embarassing, but you’re fine being seen in your granny pants so crack on.

Achangeinplan · 12/09/2026 07:49

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LuckyHazelFox · 12/09/2026 07:47

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Don't forget it was a rare night out.

LuckyHazelFox · 12/09/2026 07:46

Cringing at the chain of men thing.

Achangeinplan · 12/09/2026 07:45

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