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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really hurt by husbands reaction

7 replies

Devilsmommy · 11/09/2026 23:18

Now normally if im ill my DH is amazing. We have an almost 4yo who is basically non verbal and very likely sen. So if im severely ill, my dh will take time off work to look after ds because he knows if im completely on my arsenal, there's no way I could handle ds alone. So for the past 2 weeks we've been having a major issue with flies and wasps getting in the flat and no matter what I do they just keep popping back up. Its been making my life a misery because im constantly on edge worrying that my sons going to get stung. Also being dive bombed by flies every time you're trying to do something is obviously a pain in the arse anyway. So for the past couple of weeks I've been getting more and more tense until finally yesterday my mind and body couldn't take it any more. I was having a panic attack because I just felt the buzzing in my head was relentless. I haven't had a panic attack for more than 10 years so it's not like my husband has ever seen me have one or like im constantly having them. And his reaction to it absolutely stunned me. He was so dismissive and basically had a go at me for being so ridiculous about a few flies. People, if it was just a few flies I wouldn't have got to that stage. Its been ridiculous amounts all day long, but as hes at work all day he hasn't seen them so much. Its made me see him in a different light almost. I'm under so much stress anyway dealing with everything to do with my ds and his needs and the fact that I never get a break at all. I think the pressure from it all just put my body into panic mode and my dh just doesn't seem to get it. So aibu to be quite fucking angry and severely hurt by his dismissive as fuck attitude?

OP posts:
Oxo01 · 12/09/2026 00:52

Tell him you will go to work and he can stay home and deal with it all.

Pleasant1234 · 12/09/2026 00:56

I am sorry you’ve got so down about this. I just don’t think it’s reasonable to expect your husband to take time off work for something like this and I understand his frustration. I also feel like you maybe need to consider working if your child is at school. It’s wonderful for taking your mind off issues like bugs. The money is an added bonus.

maudelovesharold · 12/09/2026 01:11

I know this isn’t the point of your post, but I’d be more worried about where the flies and wasps are coming from, tbh, if you’re feeling under siege from them.
I appreciate that you’re angry with your dh, but I think the stress you’re under might be colouring your judgement. He surely has to prioritise taking time off work when you’re actually incapacitated and unable to care for your ds?
Is your ds attending nursery? That would give you a break and maybe enable you to do something, whether work or a hobby, to get you out of the rut you’re in.

BibbityBoppityTwo · 12/09/2026 01:30

If you haven’t experienced it yourself or been a close contact of someone who has, panic attacks can be hard to understand. Especially if they seem to occur in response to something that makes no sense to the other person.

I’d be less upset about the response to your panic and more concerned about the fact you’re overwhelmed because you’re going everything for your DS. It does sound like there’s more to this than the flies and that’s what I’d be trying to address.

ComtesseDeSpair · 12/09/2026 01:53

Agree with poster who said you need to work out where all the flies and wasps are coming from: it sounds like you need to have a pest controller out to identify whether there’s a wasp nest somewhere, and inspect your home for what might be attracting so many flies. DH can’t be dismissive if an actual problem is found.

Childcare all day is tough, but if your DH already takes time off work when you or DC are unwell, I’d imagine he’s a) concerned about how his employer views this and b) doesn’t want to use up annual leave or unpaid parental leave days unless they’re really needed.

YourRoseFinch · 12/09/2026 03:08

Organise a pest treatment. Yes your DOH should probably be more sympathetic to your panic attack but it sounds like you don't have them regularly so maybe he didn't know what was happening?

Devilsmommy · 13/09/2026 08:20

Pleasant1234 · 12/09/2026 00:56

I am sorry you’ve got so down about this. I just don’t think it’s reasonable to expect your husband to take time off work for something like this and I understand his frustration. I also feel like you maybe need to consider working if your child is at school. It’s wonderful for taking your mind off issues like bugs. The money is an added bonus.

I never expected him to take time off work. Just to understand why my nerves are shot

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