AIBU to consider having a fourth child?

It really isn’t. It sounds like you might have some unresolved trauma or difficulty which you are projecting.

I am one of five children and myself and my siblings had a fantastic childhood with plenty of attention and support. My existing four children are doing really well and are described as “happy and well balanced”. So please keep any concerns to your own life as I really don’t need them.

I also wanted to add, lots of comments about parental attention. It totally depends on the help you have and also the children's personalities.
My kids would far rather play together than play with me! If I ask one if they want to go somewhere with me, like a trip out or something, they ask if their siblings are coming!!
Not all kids want lots of one to one time.
I make sure I get one to one at bedtime or if I'm taking one of them to an activity we chat in the car and I take an interest in them. Each of them gets a story at bedtime and time to chat and the eldest is awake the latest so I chat to him once the others are asleep.
I'm not going to pretend that I don't sometimes feel stretched! But we are lucky that we are both very hands on and also have parents that are happy to help out.

Just had my 4th 4 months ago. She has completed our family and I feel ecstatic, I'm on cloud 9 and I finally feel like I'm done.
When she was born the others were just 10, 6 and nearly 4.
The 10 year old is besotted with her. Totally besotted. I thought the large gap would mean they weren't close but it's totally the opposite.
My DH is one of 4 and he loves it, they are all close and I wanted the same for our family.
Also, I used to worry that number 3 gets left out but now 2 and 3 pair off whilst 1 is occupied with 4, and when 1 and 2 are playing, number 3 has the baby which makes him feel important. I hope in the future 3 and 4 will have a close bond. Also there is always someone wanting to read to her, play with her etc.
Laundry wise you don't notice it when you're already doing laundry for 5, What's the difference doing it for 6? Yes it will get expensive and part of the reason we went for larger gaps was so that by the time she is doing clubs my eldest will be driving and more independent etc.
Good luck deciding!

I would ask yourself if your life is future-proofed to the extent that it can be, and could you withstand any of the potential challenges of a 4th? Life-limiting illness, job loss/insecurity, parental care. You are getting to the age when those three issues start to show up, sometimes all at once. Is your marriage strong, is probably the most important question/factor?

Same

Not many people can afford to do that

Madness. Also there are no jobs for all these children 🙈🙈

I always feel sorry for kids from larger families, for none of the reasons you’ve listed but because parental attention is so stretched.
I grew up as one of three and even with that it was difficult to get one-to-one quality time with either parent. I had a really great relationship with both siblings but I always craved some time I could just be with my mum or dad without a sibling always there, it very rarely happened.

It's a perfectly fair question to someone who already has four children under eight, is planning to have two more, and appears to think that having a sufficient income and lots of support means that there's no issue with the impact on the lives of her existing children.

It wouldn't be for me, 2 is more than enough but many of the arguments against 4 can be said about one or two children.

Mine are 9 and 11, there is no way we can afford to give them a house deposit each, pay full finance for Uni but we would never have been able to with just one anyway. We have a decent income that allows us a comfortable life, kids can have hobbies if they choose, things like braces aren't a worry but not a chance they are getting a house out of us. A car and a bit of help with Uni yes.

You just make things work, if my first had been twins then we would have to have made it work, maybe we wouldn't have had a second.

Nobody knows what the future holds so for me if you are financially stable, can afford a decent life and have enough space and time then have as many kids as you feel you can manage.

How rude you are! I wonder why that is?

I would say if you are healthy and stable in life just go for it! I have 4 children and no regrets

The thing you cannot make more of is your own time. So every extra child does mean less individual parental time and attention for the existing children.

At 5, 3 and 1 you have no idea what your existing children may need in future, they may all be straightforward or they may turn out to have medical needs, SEN, mental health issues, friendship issues, academic struggles etc etc. The more children you have, the more chance there is of one of them needing something beyond the standard.

It’s easy to let yourself picture a large family of happy straightforward, “standard issue” children, but that isn’t guaranteed and it’s quite different managing 4 children where one of more of them needs a lot of extra input and time.

There is also of course the chance that your own circumstances change as parents - you may develop health problems, finances may change unexpectedly, grandparent support disappear or change into needing to support them, relationship may need more work at times etc.

In your shoes OP I would quit while you’re ahead and focus on your three lovely children who will benefit from having all your attention.

Why, though? It seems like a weird hobby, and it will certainly detract from the lives of your extant children.

I have three and would have had another child but now ex husband wasn't keen and had a vasectomy. Looking back ( mine are grown up) I'm not sure we could have afforded 4 teenagers but presumably we would have made it work somehow. If it's a joint decision and thought through go for it.

I have four under eight. No twins! I will probably have another two.

I have a generous passive income so I don’t have to work. I have lots of family support. DH is around a lot.

If you can afford it and have the structure in place to keep everyone happy then go for it!

You haven’t answered what it is you think that yet another child will add to the three very young children you already have? I’ll be honest, someone with three children of five and under, including a baby, who is desperate to have yet another child, sounds to me like someone trying to escape from something.

How old are you?

Ah 37. I would stop at 3, personally. Get your life back sooner.. but it's up to you.

We never went hugely overboard with enrichment tbh. They each got 1 after school club choice and 1 extracurricular. I also have always worked (4 days until the youngest, then 3 days) so they are used to entertaining themselves.

My youngest is my most responsible and capable btw, she definitely didn't ruin the others' lives, she whips them into shape, lol.

It probably depends on your personality and theirs, but I find the emotional load of three, now teens/young adults fairly full on. Their early years were comparatively easy. I also think there can be a strong hormonal drive to 'keep having babies' and sometimes you have to separate that out from the assessment of the reality over the rest of your lives of parenting.

I am also one of 4 and was and am very happy to have 3 siblings.

What if '4' isn't the "magic number" ( whatever that means)? What if you still aren't satisfied and start to wonder about number 5!

Someone I work with has four children. She is freelance and has had to take on a lot of extra work now that two of them are at university and the other two are in six form and both want to go to uni as well. She is in her late 50's and is working a lot in the evenings and isn't particularly enjoying it. Her husband earns well and they have always managed fine financially but this is a very expensive patch for them and it has come just at a time when she would prefer to be winding down a little bit. I have found that as they get older children do get more expensive. As others have said things like driving lessons, tutoring/music lessons, own bedrooms, braces, university, study spaces, hobbies, clothing and food bills all add up. Nearly all of those things get more expensive as they get older.

friends’ DC3 has autism and significant needs and the impact on the whole family has been huge.