AIBU no engagement ring

You can tell people you're getting married without a ring. The ring is irrelevant.

I'm married and haven't got an engagement ring because I didn't want one. If you do want one then you should get one and choose it yourself. Alternatively, if the wedding is likely to be fairly soon then why not get a wedding ring with diamonds (or other stones) in it?

Bit weird tbh. I also got engaged after many years with my partner (we already had one child) and he was excited to buy me a ring, because it’s fun to enjoy your life and make people happy, right?!

Well he’s really taken the shine of it with his ‘hatred’ hasn’t he, of something that he doesn’t have to wear.

Im actually angry on your behalf; buying your own ring out of embarrassment is fucking tragic and you will never look at it and feel what you’re meant to feel upon getting engaged.

Engagement rings predate Instagram by quite some way.

But why does he think his hatred of jewellery is relevant? How does the conversation go?

Why do you need a kick up the bum and why does him not liking jewellery mean you can't have a ring? Only read OP so far.

I would say's congrats but this sounds joyless

Isn’t it interesting that he ‘hates’ something that would cost him time, effort and money?

Please don’t buy your own ring, OP. It would make you feel sad whenever you looked at it, because it would remind you WHY you bought it.
It’s not about the ring, though that is now clearly a symbol, and not in the traditional way. It’s not about what his views are on jewellery. It’s about the type of guy you are now throwing your lot in with. I can’t even bring myself to say Congratulations 🙁

Sorry for the downbeat reply - I feel like you deserve better than this dude.

Who cares if he hates jewellery. So bizarre. Do his opinions generally carry more weight in your relationship?

Many congratulations on your engagement OP. Ask him when you are going shopping for an engagement ring, explain it’s important to you. YANBU at all to want an engagement ring. Have fun choosing.

Can’t you both go ring shopping together, maybe even pay for it jointly?
Something I didn’t learn early enough in my marriage is that it shouldn’t matter that it doesn’t matter to him, it matters to you, and if you matter to him, then he should listen to your needs on this.

Some people say it's like branding/ownership. I don't agree, but some people think a lot of wedding stuff is patriarchal (woman more likely to wear a ring, white dress for virginity), and they have the right to their opinion, but it shouldn't be more important than the opinion of the actual woman wearing it.
Or is he worried about the money? Picking one you don't like?
Say you want to go and pick a (reasonably priced one) together.

And tight by the sounds of things.

My husband proposed spontaneously without a ring and like you, it was important to me but not him. We were young and I probably didn't handle it that well and it became and argument and then he bought me one I didn't really like! Which will always remind me of that argument. So, I'd suggest buying it yourself, maybe going shopping for it together. I think some men just don't get that the first question you'll be asked is.... 💍?

It’s only sad because he can’t do something that makes you happy and is prioritising how he feels about something. That’s so selfish. It’s about the principle of it for me. You deserve a ring!

He's refusing to buy you an engagement ring and you're apologetically asking MN if it would be acceptable to by yourself a cheap ring instead? Obviously there's nothing wrong with a woman buying herself a cheap, a middling, or a hugely expensive ring. But that isn't the issue here, OP.

He doesn't hate jewellery love, he just doesn't want to spend his money buying any for you.

And yes, it would be said if you were to buy your own.

Raise it again. Say something along the lines of, 'I know you're not a jewellery person, but I enjoy wearing jewellery and I'm really happy that we're engaged, so I'd like a ring to symbolise that. It doesn't have to be expensive but it would mean a lot to me if we could choose one together.'

I hate Apple Watches. I don't like how they look and I don't like that they vibrate and that they make people want to look at their messages all of the time. But my husband likes them. He asked for one for his birthday so I got him one. I'm not wearing it.

After 10 years, you're going straight to the "main event" so I hope the way you feel isn't because of all the performative engagement crap on social media 🤗

Don't marry him, he's selfish.

My husband hates jewellery and really isn't into stuff like that. He's not a 'romantic' etc (although he is a thoroughly decent man)

Been together 14 years
8 years ago we decided to get married and I frog marched him to a jewelry shop and we picked my ring together.

It was important to me. So I figured it should be to him. Make it happen OP.

Similarly on anniversaries and things I love flowers he thinks they are stupid presents but he buys me them yearly now and sometimes even on the odd random occasion as he recognises what is important to me x

I'd look at a vintage diamond or a lab diamond rather than a zircon, just because a zircon will dull over time and you want your engagement ring to sparkle for years to come!