AIBU no engagement ring

You could argue that half of women buy their own because of pooled finances in a household.

This way you get what you want and he doesn’t have to suffer through a ring shop. I would be questioning why someone who purports to love you is so against getting you jewellery when it would make you happy and it is traditional rather then excessive though. Or why you want to marry someone so much that you would compromise on something you clearly care about, what would he compromise on.

I do think you should pluck up courage to tell him how much you'd love him to buy a ring. Failing that please buy yourself one that you love and show it off here. I love an engagement ring thread!

Wishing you every happiness and a lovely life. Jewellery is a very odd issue. It has value and is easily concealed and very portable, so it's the obvious choice in an uncertain world. But it is also the big display or reveal. I have never liked a big rock but I love the skill of jewellery, and the beauty. Gemstones are the only things we take from the earth's crust and make more beautiful.

Tell him it matters to you and that you would like a ring. It doesn't necessarily have to be flashy or expensive but you would like something. If he says no, he is not prioritising you.

If the woman wants a ring on her ring finger to declare that she has committed herself to a particular individual, it is a public announcement. A ring she likes to wear is an aesthetic choice. Ideally one that pleases both.

That certainly isn’t true. Engagement was important in the past as a way of taking the woman off the marriage market, and marking a new stage of intention and intimacy before marriage. I mean, in the 19thc, an unengaged middle-class couple wouldn’t have been allowed to be in private together unchaperoned, or to have written to one another, or given one another gifts. The proposal might have been the first time they were fully aware of one another’s feelings, and it took place after the man obtained parental permission and had his finances checked.

If you’ve been happily committed life partners and cohabiting for years in 2026, and have a couple of children together, there’s literally no point to engagement. It’s like foot binding, or some other anachronism.

Same point it's always been? I don't understand your comment about these days?

Same as it’s always been 🤷🏻‍♀️

Only on MN is it pointless and immature to do perfectly normal things that most people posting did at some point earlier in life. It’s ever so tiresome.

What is the point or “engagement” these days?

Whereas mine mean the world to me because DH died shortly after we married and they feel like a last connection to him.

To you.

Urgh, he sounds horrible. Selfish snd tight! If he doesn't like jewellery, he doesn't have to wear it!
Don't sell yourself short with this - you are allowed to want and have a decent engagement ring, not some cheap tat bought out of embarrassment. He needs to get his head out of his arse and start showing some care and respect for your feelings. If he won't do this, you shouldn't be marrying g him.

Literally tell him, “Hey Fred, I know you hate jewellery, but I don’t! I really want a symbol of our engagement to wear…so let’s pop down to Ernest Jones and have a look!”

Or something to that effect! Only way to get what you want!

I entirely chose my own ring, he would have never known what to get, they all look the same to him and he would probably have chosen something huge I could never wear. There was no need for his input. Once I had a ring he got down one knee and attempted a fully romantic proposal in the kitchen. Neither of us could keep a straight face. It's a great memory that reminds me of why we are together. We are pragmatic and reasonable and share a sense of humour. Save the romantic gestures for the movies.

Yes, this. We decided to get married after many, many years together and skipped the whole engagement thing. I mean, we’d been a committed couple for years and years. It would have felt a bit Victorian, but tbh, it never even occurred to either of us. It would have felt as if we were going back to a far earlier stage of our relationship. Definitely get a ring if you would like one.

He should want you to have a ring because you want one and he wants to make you happy. No one ‘hates’ jewellery to that extent!

Mine was bought from our joint bank account, I'm the higher earner. It really didn't bother me paying towards my ring. BUT that's not the point really. Your partner doesn't want you to have a ring and you're so embarrassed you haven't even told people what is meant to be the happiest news in the world. Just let that sink in... you are embarrassed because of his weird control issues.

Just read your post out to 13 year old DS, without comment.
His response:
It’s not about what he wants in terms of the ring, it’s about what YOU want, because you should be his number one priority. The person I would love and propose to would be my number one priority.

It really doesn't matter if he hates jewellery, he's not wearing it

I have a wedding ring, engagement ring and an eternity ring and l don't wear any of them and haven't for years . We have been married 44 years and they mean nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Will he allow you a wedding band, OP? 🤔

It’s not sitting right that he is putting his hate of jewellery over your feelings of happiness, joy and what should be a milestone together. Im sorry that it’s taken the shine off what should be a time of celebration.