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AIBU?

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AIBU to question school support pass and intervention after four days?

26 replies

Moaning5 · 11/09/2026 18:11

I’m happy to be corrected on this as I use to work in schools and nothing grinds my gears more than parents trying to overrule teachers !

Background - I have a foster daughter who arrived 4 months ago from a long term placement which broke down due to FC behaviour and FM inability to manage her.
it’s quickly become evident that FM has allowed FC to completely rule the roost and dictate everything for a long time (years). FC is 11 with no ALN and I have no worries at all that she is very capable, just very determined and use to getting her way (it’s been hard I can’t deny but we have very clear boundaries and expectations so things have improved loads).

School - been in new high school 4 days, with no issues reported, and no contact made.

Today - been issued a ‘pass’ allowing playing with a figit toy, standing outside class, and going and working in a completely different room without her peers. Also been invited to attend an intervention which takes her away from timetabled lesson to learn age- appropriate things to improve confidence and independence.

AIBU -
1- to be annoyed at this pass being issued with a conversation to myself and/or SW (who agrees with me that it’s totally unnecessary, takes her away from her peer group, and basically opens a door for her to do as she likes).
2- to decline the intervention as it again takes her away from her classes, singles her out, and means she will miss out on both lessons and social opportunities with her peers so early in the school year when they are forming friendship groups.

FC has no issues with confidence or independence and is learning them alongside the other 29 kids in her class and obviously at home.

Any advice while I wait for a reply from the staff member behind both ?

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 11/09/2026 18:18

You have known this child for 4 months. You are no more qualified to evaluate what she needs than the school. You have placed the blame on the child “ruling the roost”. Perhaps the school sees neurodiversity. With a child in foster care, trauma should also always be considered as a root cause of behavioral issues.

Strict discipline will not yield long term success if you have not found the actual cause of the issue. If you are wrong, you are further damaging this child.

Perhaps you should pay attention to the signals the school is giving.