AIBU to question school support pass and intervention after four days?

Children show their worst behaviour when they feel safest.

My child had huge behavioural issues with me but angelic at school. Every single professional told me this showed he was happy and secure with me, and showing his distress to me as his safe person.

The disability social worker told me that the children they really worry about are those where parents insist they are fine but school see issues.

It sounds like neither you nor your social worker are trauma informed. Blaming the previous foster parents is such an easy thing to do, bht that doesn't mean it's fair.

Not a single one.

No trauma???
You've got to be kidding me. Is this social worker an ASYE? Are you new to fostering? At least the school have some knowledge and understanding around looked after children. Of course she has trauma. Not only is she in care so separated from birth family, she's just been separated from a long term foster family around the time she started secondary school. That's without even getting into what trauma led to her being in care.
She is at the prime age where that trauma starts to leak through, when her understanding of the world develops and she is starting to form her own identity. I can't believe what I'm reading that a foster carer and social worker say "no trauma" and want to go against accommodations put in my the school, which in my experience aren't all that easy to get in secondary! Maybe the poor child is confiding in the new school staff as they appear more empathetic, so they know something you don't about how she is coping.

I think multiple placements and respite care is enough to be traumatic. You obviously have a different opinion.

Im going to offer a different perspective though on how you approach this with the school. I truly believe that we need to change how schools handle accommodations. Many of things we offer only for children with a diagnosis or in very special circumstances are actually tools that should be available to teachers and students to use when needed. It shouldn’t take a committee to decide that a student needs a break. It shouldn’t take meetings to deal with the occasional high energy day in a student. A good teacher should just be able to say, hey Timmy, why don’t you take a turn sitting on the yoga ball while we do our reading lesson. Many of the things that benefit mild support needs students actually are useful for all students. They should just be available and used as needed. It would save everyone a whole lot of time and effort. Democratizing the tools would also help with the stigma that comes with using them.

She might be masking at home and then it all coming out at school.

I disagree. The OP has not disclosed identifying information. Further, she is a mother like any other and should not be discriminated against.

You know full well that the place to raise this is via her social worker, at the PEP and at her LAC reviews - it feels like you're posting here, not in the best interests of the child, but to seek some kind of validation that you're the bestest most knowledgeable adult working with this child. Which you may well be. But if you're needing that kind of validation from strangers on the internet it sounds like your own supervising social worker isn't doing a v good job either.

This! It’s concerning that this isn’t recognised by the op or the social worker.

The school wouldn't just put those adjustments in place for the fun of it. Presumably she is already having some issues at school.

I wouldn't worry about the interventions.. Loads of children have interventions. They have stretch classes, support classes, music lessons, drama classes and counselling. A lot of children benefit from, and find it a relief, having a bit of time away from the classroom and their peers to be in 1:1 or small groups. The busy school environment is pretty relentless and doesn't suit all children.

To be honest you sound rather like you are in denial about her needs. I have never come across a child in care who hasn't got SEND and or social and emotional difficulties. You are talking about a child who has no one in her actual family who is capable of looking after her and then you add in the fact she has just left her foster home of 10 years to be with you and your very different regime. You say yourself that it has been very hard. Added to that, she has started a new school and that is a big change in itself.

It’s still not appropriate to start a thread. Children in care are entitled to privacy. Wait until you hear back.

The school will have access to all her internal school documentation a new foster parent won’t see. They don’t give out these things willy nilly and will have their reasons.

Agree. Also, Fidget spinners are I believe proven to be inherently distracting.

Any advice while I wait for a reply from the staff member behind both ?

She clearly has. It’s so irritating when people don’t read the OP.

You should definitely have a conversation with the school. If your foster daughter had got into the habit of ‘ruling the roost’ due to previous lack of boundaries at home then she’s probably displaying the same behaviours at school.

The part I’d take issue with is the school automatically assuming said behaviour is due to trauma. It could just as easily be a need to learn new habits, boundaries and rules. These can’t be learned if your foster daughter is learning that lessons are optional.

The other possibility is that, and I really hope this is not the case, the school is perhaps due an Ofsted and to ‘demonstrate’ inclusivity they have layered on overt support for looked after pupils. So, the ‘provision’ of time out cards and time out of lessons to receive social and emotional support is automatically applied.

To be fair, school leaders may be feeling a real tension here. Perhaps lots of parents want this kind of support applied automatically? Perhaps they’re worried about ofsted and what an inspector might interpret? You, however, have rightly realised that while this seemingly automatic support demonstrates kindness and understanding, ultimately it manifests low expectations when you sense your foster daughter is capable of much more. You also know that your foster daughter may not have the advantages other typical children have when they become adults - a trust fund, a deposit for a flat etc so she needs to rely on good qualifications and work ethic.

As I said, have a conversation with the school.

Social worker has no concerns about trauma when she’s only 11 years old and in her second place of care and has dismissed her needs as ruling the roost. She doesn’t sound a great social worker.

Not sure why you’re starting a thread on MN as opposed to contacting the school.

I’m with you OP, as a teacher and parent, I would want the child to be properly assessed before being given a bunch of get out of jail free cards based on her status as a LAC. It’s patronising to your FC and does a disservice to the children with learning needs who are being overlooked while everyone is giving unnecessary intervention to someone who doesn’t need it. She needs consistency and compassionate but clear boundaries.
The first thing the SENCO did with DS when we said we were waiting for an assessment was give him permission to have a fidget but I don’t give him one (and his teacher agrees) as it’s counterproductive in his case and distracts him more. What helped most was a wiggle cushion on his chair which we only got after a year. Intervention should be thoughtful and specific to the child’s needs.

No trauma ? What’s her ACE score ?

Interventions in schools are usually discussed with parents but it’s a we need to inform the parents thing not a the parent has a right to stop this thing.

imagine if parents could refuse their kids being in additional academic interventions - lots would and it would be a nightmare,

she’s clearly showing significant issues at school if they are doing this after only four days.

No trauma but social have been involved for 10 years? That doesn’t seem to add up. Surely she wasn’t ‘ruling the roost’ as a baby?

They're probably concerned about her emotional wellbeing after she's been rejected by the only parent she's known. Ten years. Out of eleven.

I’d be very concerned that the social worker has no concerns about trauma, and at you saying she has no additional learning needs. Looked after children are automatically considered to have additional support needs unless assessed and evidenced not to have.

You talk about her “ruling the roost” without seeming to understand why needing to be in control might be an issue for a child in foster care. It sounds like you don’t want to give her an ounce of compassion, or have any understanding of the trauma involved in being looked after, or moving a long term placement even to somewhere familiar. It sounds like you see her as a battle to win rather than a child to be nurtured.

What conversations / meetings did you have with the school before her starting ?

Yes, I would expect (at least) a phone conversation before adjustments were put in place for a child, but something like access to a fidget toy might be considered such a small and common place adjustment the school have made the decision to try things before calling a more formal meeting ?

I think you should trust the school on this.