No sure what to do here.

She absolutely needs to start pulling her weight properly around the house, excepting when her illness means she genuinely struggles with energy. But this would make me more concerned to move in with your partner with her. You and DD are a secure unit who rub along together and as her mum you show her leniency. Your partner may not feel the same way about living with another adult who he doesn’t think is doing enough around the house and taking things for granted - and there’s every potential for that to turn into tension, arguments, your DD feeling as though she’s being picked at, and you stuck in the middle feeling you need to take sides. What you don’t want is for all that to explode into a situation where she feels as though she needs to move out with not much planning into some other unideal living situation, and for the relationship you and she have to be damaged.

A year is no time at all.

Wait - there is no rush

It sounds like it might be a good idea just to take things a bit more slowly and get to know him better @Imonmyownhere . I wouldn't move in with anyone if the relationship was less than 2 years old. Is he wanting to rush? Or are you both just a bit over-excited?

No way would I mess your daughter about like that. Let her have some stability until she has/recovers from her surgery at least.
Her suggestion of waiting a couple of years seems very reasonable.
What if this new relationship goes wrong?
People will be along to say think of yourself, she's an adult. However she's still very young, has had a lot of upheavel, and is waiting for heart surgery.
My friend was shocked at how long she needed to recover from heart surgery, despite feeling fit as a lop and symptom free beforehand. (Her condition was found by chance).
If your relatiinship is meant to be, moving in can wait.

P.S. also, from your first post, you evidently enjoy living with your daughter and it sounds like the two of you have a strong and happy relationship, enjoying one another’s company. Wouldn’t it be a gift to be able to continue that a few years longer? I worry you would regret the loss of this time, even if all went wonderfully with your partner.

You say you’d rather stay living with her, whilst you also accept and support her wish to work towards independence.

If you move in with your partner and she therefore moves out sooner than she would have otherwise, this is time you could have had living with your daughter - something you would like to do - that you would be losing as a direct consequence of that choice.

You have mentioned in later posts that you yourself wonder if it’s too soon in the relationship anyway. Do fully acknowledge this – going by timelines, it very often is much too soon. I hope you know that if your partner were to object to this, it would be a concerning reaction on his part and should give you further pause rather than making you doubt a decision to hold off.

My 20 yo dd has asd. Circumstances saw her move out decently

Only 1 train stop /15 min drive away.

Both feel that was comfortable enough for us both !

Early days to be moving in with this bloke OP. Your daughter comes first and I would certainly put any upheaval on hold until she's had her surgery (assuming that's going to be in the foreseeable future)?

I think that quite separately from your daughter’s feelings and very reasonable wishes, it is a very good idea to hold off on moving in with your partner. Waiting a few years to do so would be wise, and does not mean your relationship with your partner can’t progress in the meantime.

Also, the fact your daughter would rather be in a house share or move to live with her dad than do a further move with you to be with your new partner isn’t a sign she is inconsistent in what she’s hoping for; it shows that regardless of the fact she seems to like your partner, she really doesn’t want to live with him. In my view, you should be putting her needs first here. This is all the more important given she is having to navigate complex health needs most of her peers do not have, and has already had an unsettled few years recently in terms multiple moves.

My reading of this is that she wants to stay living with you for now, but also is not wanting to hold you back if this is what you want, hence coming up with other options for herself should you choose to move in with your partner. Your daughter is a credit to you, and the best thing would be, through your actions, to offer her the same level of respect back.

I do not mean to imply you do not deserve a happy and fulfilling relationship and new start, but now is not the time to progress that through an imminent household reshuffle with a new partner, in my view.

Far too soon to move in with a new partner.

Your life sounds like it’s been chaotic and for your daughter too.
she is telling you she wants some stability .
listen to that! She may be 19 but she’s still your daughter . Don’t pick a new bloke over her .

Tbh, having read some other replies, I think people saying stay put have a point. It is early days with your partner. Why not say to her and to him that you'd like to wait a year and then start looking for a place together. By then you;ll know if you are truly compatible. She'll have had a year ot save hard and look for a suitable place. If either of them think this is unfair, then that's a red flag that they care more about their own happiness and convenience than yours, as that suggestion takes both of them into consideration.

I would wait, give her the best chance of setting herself up. She’s only 20 and with a heart condition that limits her work and therefore her ability to earn. The relationship is only a year old, things can change and you’d be on the move again.

Is there a reason why you’re keen to move in so quickly?

The important thing, given her heart condition, is that you always provide a home for her should she need or want one, not that she has the right to dictate how long you live in your own home, or when you move in with your current partner.

Go ahead with the move. Maybe aim to find somewhere local, so she is near people and places that she has built a connection with, and can carry on working. If she doesn't agree, she can find a place to rent or move with you. Of course it is an upheaval, but she doesn't get to control your life choices at her own convenience.

I think you should accommodate DD request. If you plan on spending the rest of your life with your partner what is it to wait a couple of years to ensure your daughter has the best start to an independent life. It would also be a good test of how understanding your partner is and accepting of the sacrfices a parent has to make for their DC at times.

How is it any better as OP will be paying towards her boyfriend’s mortgage instead of her landlord’s? She will have no ownership of the new house.

I think it's very early to move in together and certainly not with your daughter. You can't possibly know him well enough.

Regarding the heart condition, it's clearly significant if she can only work part time. Unless there was a reason why it would be of benefit for her to live independently, given that your relationship is relatively new and your poorly daughter has known little stability, I would prioritise her needs at this time.

It’s a brand new relationship which might not last. I wouldn’t be rushing to move in with him yet. Yes your DD is an adult so could move out and be independent but I equally think moving in with someone you’ve known less than a year is a bit nuts. I’d stay where you are for now. Why even rush to move in together? That’s when a relationship gets boring!

Yabu.
If he’s a good partner you 100% see a future with, he will be willing to wait for you to do right by your daughter. If he is at all against this, that’s a huge red flag.