AIBU to feel hurt after being left out at MIL's funeral?

Sorry to trott out the old faithfuls but this is a DH problem you have. Hes the one you were filling in for and on behalf of and he’s the one should have thought to thank you. Personally I’d not say anything to anybody else but I would tell my DH that I felt hurt. And I would not be doing his share of the house clearing either.

I agree. It's not about the OP at this time.

I’ve always found conversations like this around the time of the death of a loved one always go horribly wrong due to heightened emotions and grief.

You need to have a very honest conversation with your husband explaining how the family including him have hurt your feelings very much.

Oh, and "the family" can clean the damned house.

Just tell them you wont be overstepping and helping to clear her home.

After all you aren't proper family.

Quote that if necessary..

One would hope @GeorgeMichaelsCat wouldn’t but… why make the awful suggestion?

@SixtyorSomething I’m usually one for doing something regardless if it’s for the greater good but this scenario would be one of those times when I’d be saying no and telling people why. It’s an incredible hurtful thing for the family to have done and I think you need to stop making excuses for your husband because he was in denial. He must have your back regarding this matter and if he doesn’t I’d be asking myself where his spine is and where his loyalties lie.

I wouldn’t mention the funeral and I wouldn’t get involved with the house clearance. You don’t need to give a reason.

I doubt it. Unless she's about 8 years old

Rude not to list the DIL’s. Let them clear the house themselves.

Was just going to say this.
Don't get involved in the house as it really should be the siblings' job, but it really isn't about you and I do wonder if the posters egging you on would really be so astonishingly crass in real life.

Would you say this @GeorgeMichaelsCat

Do they actually know how hands on you were?

I only ask because we're currently looking after MILs dogs while she's unwell and I've over Heard DH on the phone to his sibs making it sound like a team effort when I'm doing ALL their care.

Had DH maybe made it sound to them like you both did it, to save face?

This essentially

Please ignore the posters telling you to raise it or to make snarky comments. I understand how hurtful it is, but losing your mother is not anywhere near losing your MIL.Circles of suppoprt and all that. Dont make this all about you!

How hurtful for you. There is no excuse for your exclusion especially as you did care for and support your MIL. Has your husband said anything since the funeral or acknowledged your support?
As others have suggested step away from any suggestion you should be involved in clearing the house. Have any items been removed for 'safe keeping' yet with less valuable items left for others to clear?

You don’t need to be a dick. Don’t say that.

By all means step back from clearing the house.

Do not get involved in ckeaning/preparing hoyse for sale. Let "the family" get on with it.

Similar happened to me af my auntie's funeral. Every single cousin and their kids got a job to do at the funeral apart from me and mine.
Then when my uncle died I was told to sit anywhere in the church apart from the front 3 rows. When I queried whg I was told "They're for family". This was my dad's sister and her husband.

Since then all the cousins can go to hell as far as I'm concerned.

It's horrible to be deliberately left out for no reason @SixtyorSomething

That's also good. And in fairness, after the loss of my husband, I made some really poor decisions re his funeral. I look back and wince, and wish I could have done things differently. But grief messes with your thinking.

As others have suggested, I'd simply say that the house clearing is a family thing. If they say 'but you're family' just say "I wasn't classed as family at her funeral"

In a practical sense, you're not going to know which of her possessions have meaning to her children. So the alternative is to say that, and that you'd be worried about throwing out things that they'd want so you're going to leave then to it.

YANBU Just tell them straight that you've done enough, it wasn't appreciated & you're not doing any more. Stand firm & make it clear there is no debate on this.

I'd leave them to it. If anyone asks you to help, just say that as you weren't family enough to be mentioned at the funeral after the care you provided, you are not family enough to clear the house.

You are not being unreasonable. It was thoughtless of them but people do thoughtless things when they are grieving. It also wasn't fair of them to let so much of her care fall to you. Don't get involved in clearing the house. It's a very emotional task that often involves some level of conflict. They won't thank you for it.

You need to sit down and talk this through with your DH, this resentment is only going to grow.

He’d just lost his mother, so mistakes at the time can be excused, but it’s not unreasonable to point it out and explain your hurt.